Oppositional Defiant Disorder - any tips?

[Toughingitout46]

Hi, am new so apologies if this repeats other threads. DS(7) has recently been diagnosed with ODD but was a rush visit to a private paediatrician and didn't seem very thorough. Only real area of opposition is school work (not getting ready, going) or generally in our lives. However, opposition now so bad that we've been asked to keep him home until we all understand what's going on. He's a very bright boy, massive reader, good at maths so no clear problem cognitively but will not do any school work. School are sending work packs home which are mixed, fun and really minimal but I can't get him to engage at all. All the parenting schemes focus on stopping bad behaviour but nothing really deals with how to motivate positive actions. Anyone have any tips?

I'm surprised a paedatrician has gone for odd as a diagnosis instead of pda (pathological demand avoidance) as this is generally more respected as a diagnosis and there is a lot more information out there. If you google pda you'll find a lot of the symptoms and strategies for coping are similar. I would also have a read of "the explosive child" if you haven't already.

The local authority has a duty of care to find him an appropriate school place if you don't want to home educate. Does he have an ehcp? I would contact your local authority and ask what they intend to do and if they are stalling I would apply for an ehcp yourself with a view to getting him more support at school. See ipsea website for more information.

Thanks Faiylea. Paediatrician's view of PDA was that it definitely wasn't that (because he accepted a biscuit!) and hence we are seeking a second opinion. Have read the The Explosive Child, 1-2-3 Magic and 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child. All quite similar approaches but don't seem to make much progress with my very headstrong little one - sometimes feels like it's a game of chicken to see who gives way first. He doesn't have an ECHP so feels a bit like we are in limbo at the moment.

It may be worth testing out to see if what level of motivation would be required to get some compliance. Pick something specific and set up a 'when you have finished this task (not too difficult) we will or you can ... The motivator would have to be something ds doesn't usually get, but would really want. In ds' case (younger than yours) however much we pushed he pushed back harder. The only way out was to find the level of external motivation he needed and to work out a system around that.

My 10 year old DS can be like this at times. He has ASD. His teacher says that some mornings he just refuses to pick the pencil up and she knows that he won't get much if any work done that day, whereas on other days he performs really well. He is also a capable boy, but sadly he is not performing anywhere near his best.
At home when completing homework he will always begin the task by saying he can't do it - even when I know that it is something he can easily achieve. I start off being very positive reminding him that he can do it. I tell him to give it a try, just do your best, but sometimes he just won't even attempt it until I get cross. Then I tell him that if he doesn't do his homework he will miss TV/ games/ etc that he does want to do. Sadly this does usually work. Same at school - he usually works when the teacher finally threatens him with missing lunch play/ time out.

I look forward to others ideas, because I am always looking for positive ways to motivate my children.

I know that didn't help much, but good luck!