Worried about coping over Summer

[Blossom4538]

Hi all,

As above really. Worried how I'm going to cope over the Summer with my intense 5 year old, with complex difficulties. I'm exhausted already and school hasn't broken up yet. This past week has been hard and today just awful. So stressed and upset.

I used to plan my holidays with precision.

We had a routine (breakfast same time every day, then leave the house before 10:00 whatever the weather and stay out for 2 hours (park, walk, beach, playground) then lunch (simple, picnic style) then 2 quiet hours in the afternoon (movie on TV/play on tablet/snooze), then something active again (outside if possible).

Also meet up with other mums and DC of similar age.

I found it essential to have a routine, and to plan each day in advance.

I second chill time, no visitors if that suits you. Or only visitors that 'get it'. But book a night out for yourself...

If you have a loose plan then you will feel more in control.

Yes, you're right, we need to have a loose plan and chill out time but also the pressure to keep socialisation up as DD has Selective Mutism and has started making progress recently. She is quite intense, extremely anxious and some days, just does not stop!! She's like a tornado! She has sensory struggles to and is being assessed for ASD in a few months time. She is v tired, aggressive, argumentative and strong willed at the moment.
Both H and I adore her, that goes without saying, but both struggling a little at the moment.

It can be hard.

My oldest had various sensory issues at that age (maybe he still has! We avoid the triggers) and could not handle birthday parties/playgrounds/too much noise/toomuch change.

I remember it was hard, but getting an assesment in place helped (various IEPs at school and SENsupport). He's a bog standard 13yr old now who copes fine with all these things now (saying that, we still avoid crowds and noisy events).

But at that age it was hard indeed to get the balance right ("too much fun" would lead to an hour of crying... )

Good luck, a focus on routine and plenty of fresh air combined with "calm down time" worked best for us.

Are there any playscheme you can access?

Are there any play schemes for children with additional needs in your area over the summer. your local child development centre might have some information on things that are running over the summer holidays. If she likes that sort of thing and would be happy to go, you also get a little break whilst she is there.

There is a great book called the Out of Sync Child has Fun; I wish I had read this when mine were little. Full of good ideas for a sensory "diet" - not food you understand, but activities diet, that make getting through days at home work better.

I think a lot of issues are worse when they are still at school.

We used to do play areas early in the morning or late at night, swimming for the last hour before the pool closed.

We have found a number of quiet beaches and campsites where we can holiday without too much overload.

Basically we looked for quiet places where we could take picnics in the middle of the day.

Dd3 is older now but still hates crowds, she is also home ed so we will just carry on doing what we do through the summer but avoiding some of the places we go in term time.

Good luck 💐

It's so tricky with our little one. As she has Selective Mutism, I need to keep her busy and socialising. However, as there are sensory and anxiety issues too, she responds well to quiet times without too many people around! Will have to strike a balance I guess. After socialising we usually have to cope with the fallout afterwards, but are used to that now. She's v v up and down at the moment and it's a struggle as she seems calmer when just the two of us but as soon as the weekend arrives and we all spend time as a family, she becomes much much harder work, tantrums, aggression, hates me!!

However, starting to feel a little more relaxed about it now it's almost here. I'm sure ill post the odd stressed message on here over the hols!!....

Will def check out the book rec, ta!

Having had two older children (now adults) that had no SN, I used to love school holidays and filled virtually everyday with activities like, parks, cinema, eating out with friends, sleepovers, beach, holidays, theme parks, paddling pool parties, camping. Now my youngest who is 10 does not enjoy most of those things in the same way they did. When I accepted that what he finds fun and makes him happy is not the same as them, then life became a lot easier. I don't beat myself up for spending days at home doing things he enjoys. Im letting him lead the way in the holidays. This is of course a lot easier for me as I have no other young children to entertain. I also find that offering two activities enough each week to get him out and about. We are the same as inneed , we do things at odd times to avoid crowds!

Blossom, sounds exactly like my 5 yr old dd, apart from speech wise, my dd does not stop talking, actually we think it's an anxiety related trait or ADHD possibly, she's just had her first appointment with the psych paed dr and she thinks it could be slight autism, ADHD and she has some demand avoidance and sensory issues being explored as well. We've just sent all the questionnaires back and then go back for a full assessment.

I find the holidays draining, I have a chronic health condition so always get worse over the holidays and better again once dd has been back at school and I can rest. She is full on 100 mph like a tornado as you say, and I can't take her for days out or long walks / trips to the park to tire her because of my health issues, dh is only around at the weekend as he works long weekdays and commutes a long distance. There is a local play scheme here but it's just mornings and on for 2 weeks, I've signed dd up for the first week but we're on holiday the second week. No idea how she'll be on the holiday, we haven't been away since she was 2 because of my health, I'm anxious about her not wanting to sleep alone in a strange place so wanting to come in with us, so we won't get much us time and if she has meltdowns and angry tantrums or hyper behaviour I hope we don't get complaints from people in other apartments, we just can't seem to handle her at the moment! Any tips on calming her down in these situations?? It's usually refusal to do something like get ready for bed, we end up doing it then she fights us off and runs away all over the house, or if we tell her no you can't have another ice cream at bedtime we get screaming tantrum throwing things and sometimes hitting or kicking us. It's going to be a tough 6 weeks! No family here or other support, she has lots of friends as she is only like this at home so we have a few play dates lined up but I can only do things like take her to the cinema or to a cafe by myself without dh here during the week, wish I could take her to parks, soft play, swimming etc to burn off some energy every day!