help please

[WSM123]

I have tried on other pages and got conflicting advise leaving me more confused, so I thought I would try here.
3.5 step son has speech delay and makes noises or whispers sounds rather than conversation, he is also struggling with toilet training. He frequently doesn't respond to his name especially if he is doing something else.
He often moves his fingers like there is a hair or cobweb on them but there isn't (if that makes sense).
The thing that got me "wondering is he got excited about having a photo taken and did the "flappy thing" and wouldn't stay still.
he has a few very mild behaviour things like turning the Vacuum on and off, stacking the coasters, but nothing "major".
I don't see him vey often (every second weekend) and I have been accused on other threads of "looking for problems" because he is a step child.
any thoughts would be appreciated

There are lots of red flags for ASD here. Can you ask GP to refer him for an assessment?

yes, sorry , i rushed in there, having just woken up.

I believe the assessment is whats needed but yes it might not be that easy to get one to happen.

Thank you. Now I more sure that an assessment should be a priority (with fingers crossed I'm wrong). I suggested the possibility that some behaviours along with speech and toileting problems might be an indication of something more but when he suggested it to his ex her exact response was "f* off and die" (he's been unwell). I think my partner will keep on it because he sees the speech (at least) as a problem.
Thanks again for your helpful responses

Do you know / could you find out how he gets on at nursery? Do they have concerns?
Guessing by age he would be starting school in September, do you think he will need extra help at school?
If you and his setting have concerns maybe the setting could have a word with ex.
What about grand parents, if they see probs would they be able to talk to ex (she may take it better from them)

Hi, He doesn't go to any kind of schooling and she doesn't intend to send him to any.
My partner has tried and tried to get her to have his speech assessed but she just says shes waiting, and now with other behavioural things cropping up he has suggested even further investigation to which he just got a nasty response.
I have been given a local website to check out for Kids therapy in the area so I will have a look at that and see whats available

I know each to their own - but is she aware that he is entitled to 15 hours free at nursery/pre school? (As are all 3/4 year olds). He would be due to start school in September - preschool is great for getting them ready for this. It also helps start socialising etc. Would also help with speech etc and they would say if any concerns.

we have private speech assessment booked for tomorrow and hopefully the therapist will recognise if something else is going on.
His mother is not going to send him to school either she "homeschools" (and use the term loosely as the 6.5 year old cant read yet) so without us getting the ball rolling with tomorrows assessment he would be totally "out of the system"
Fingers crossed

hi all. Its been a while, and the 3.5 year old is now "in the system" the MOE (ministry of education) has requested a hearing test as a follow up from speech assessment, which is a start although he hears ambient noises like the fridge running etc so I think it will be clear.
The thing that is a real stand out now is he seems to have no awareness of himself, ask how are you? no response, how old are you? no response, show him a photo of him and his brother and he acknowledges his brother in the photo but not himself. but other "things"/objects he seems to understand eg, its too high if he cant reach something. Any clues as to what this may be an indicator of/Red flag for developmentally??