Spluttering. Today got called a social burden!!!

[Piffleoffagus]

Sorry its a bit long winded
Unreal, almost calm enough to type this now.

Usual mums n tots discussions and the subject of terminating a pregnancy when you found a "defect" came up.
I offered up my pearls of wisdom, that my DH and I recently realised. We had decided that if anything major showed up in the pregnancy we would consider termination due to possible impact on older sons life. Bear with me before leaping on me please...
We also said that had any test shown up that our dd was A Noonan Syndrome baby, we would have looked it up on google and possibly have terminated.
This was a very tearful and scary realisation for us, our girl is perfect in every way to us.
So.. I relay this emotionally charged changed viewpoint to mums n tots... one respondent said " I think having a child who will need specialist care or who will cost the state taxpayers in allowances and frittering away NHS funds, when they could have not had that child, is SELFISH and ill though through.
It was the 2nd time today I told someone to go and get roundly fu**ed.
I am still reeling, my dd is on minimal specialist attention really, but even of she wasn't, do people really feel this way?
Hope this doesn't bring up any other hateful occasions like this one though.
xx kiwi

frogs have you seen this- baby sean's page

I find this site amazing- and love the fact that his short life seems such a celebration, it sounds as if your nephews life was the same.

Hi Piffleoffagus, I also would have told them to go and get roundly Fu**ked and poked a hot poker in their eye.

I wouldn't say I am against abortion but I am not for it either. It depends on the circumstances, for kids like ours there is no reason why they should be terminated. I wouldn't have considered it with my ds2. He is lovely even though he is very very hard work. If you are having a child that is going to be in constant pain all the time and have no quality of life then that may be different. (Trying not to offend anyone here - sorry if I have!!!). But it is a very difficult subject.

There are so many narrow minded biggots out there that are willing to spout their views without any thought or consideration for others.

I would say either you have to ignore them and put it down to total ignorance or you have to stick a red hot poker in their eye.

I know which one I would choose!!!

Thomcat, did you see the letter's page in Eve this month - they say they had hundreds of letters and Lottie has fan mail!! And I suspect one of the letters printed is from a Mnetter...

I mean letters page of course - how did that rogue apostrophe get there - oops.

Hi Aloha, no I haven't seen it, I'll try and get out and get a copy. They sent me 4 of the letters and they were incredibly moving and very special to us. Can't wait to show them to Lottie when she is older.

Thanks for letting me know about the current issue of Eve, xx

I saw that letter Aloha and meant to post about it, great to see what a notable response your article had!
Piffle, well done for facing her down. I pity her children, what a skewed set of values they're getting. Lots of hugs to you and your dd.
Frogs, what a lovely story. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Wow! Have this entire thread in hand, ready to assail any potential tw*T with in the unlikely (I hope event) of it happening again, or perchance stumbling across that unfortunate woman, I say unfortunate cos if I see her again I may embarrass her loudly in public...
Thanks for your vitriol, depising sentiments and wonderful warm stories...
I am armed and dangerous ladies....

who the hell does this woman think she is would she feel the same way if it was her own child i might seem a bit of a hypacryte because i teminated my first son life because we was told that the brain hadnt developed properly and there was no way it was going to correct it self in time when i asked what would this mean for the child they said he would have a maximum of four hours alive in scub he wouldnt be able to see make a noise like cry and they cant be sure it he would be in any pain so that made my mind up for me i wasnt going to se him suffer but a chilld who has got a chance at life should be allowed that choice
plus i am a home carer but both my parent work full time and if i asked any of them would they be willing to pay more taxes to help any child they would both say yes straight away im sorry but i think this woman wasnt thinking before she spoke and they always eed to think what if they were put in that position after all they are talking about a life here
ok finished the rant

mummytojames- that must have been very difficult, but I think most people would have done the same in your circumstance - dammed if you do and don't.

I think there is a huge difference between being pro choice for people to terminate for severe disability (as in fact Piffle has just realised she is) and someone actually saying to the face of someone with a disabled child that their child is a burden to society and should never have been born. I have no problem with people choosing to terminate for disability (or even really just because its inconvenient- after all plenty do). I see abortion as a necesssary part of a civilised society really.

But I am staggered by the number of people who think its ok to tell you that your child is worthless just because they are disabled. And that they are eating into their taxes. And that if they had been pregnant with your child they would have terminated them immediately they found out. And they can't understand for a moment how you cope with such a child. It's so staggeringly rude, that it still fair takes my breath away when it happens- and it does. This is where this woman was unbelievably ignorant. Likewise the people who tell me I'm "so brave" for going ahead and having a 3rd child. Eh? Anyone can have a child born disabled, my risk of another autistic child may be higher than Joe Public, but the people who tell me I'm so brave may well have a higher chance of DS or something just because of their age. I wonder what they would think if I said "yes well not as brave as you having a child at your age". I think these people just fall into the trap of assuming that disability and illness is something that only happens to other families.

Well done for telling her your views - which are those of reasonable people. I feel really bad for you that you had to meet such an awful person - I also pity her family life. I agree with everyone on this - print all this out and give it to her.

mmmmmmm I am often intrigued by people opinions like this. There are many many conditions that cannot be picked up by antenatal testing and illness can affect anyone at any time of life. We are all social burdens in that case

piffle next time this woman says something just tell her that shes the one whos a burden to society for taking up valuble fresh air to talk so much cr*p let me at her let me at her god i would have slapped her or something