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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Spluttering. Today got called a social burden!!!

87 replies

Piffleoffagus · 12/05/2004 21:04

Sorry its a bit long winded
Unreal, almost calm enough to type this now.

Usual mums n tots discussions and the subject of terminating a pregnancy when you found a "defect" came up.
I offered up my pearls of wisdom, that my DH and I recently realised. We had decided that if anything major showed up in the pregnancy we would consider termination due to possible impact on older sons life. Bear with me before leaping on me please...
We also said that had any test shown up that our dd was A Noonan Syndrome baby, we would have looked it up on google and possibly have terminated.
This was a very tearful and scary realisation for us, our girl is perfect in every way to us.
So.. I relay this emotionally charged changed viewpoint to mums n tots... one respondent said " I think having a child who will need specialist care or who will cost the state taxpayers in allowances and frittering away NHS funds, when they could have not had that child, is SELFISH and ill though through.
It was the 2nd time today I told someone to go and get roundly fu**ed.
I am still reeling, my dd is on minimal specialist attention really, but even of she wasn't, do people really feel this way?
Hope this doesn't bring up any other hateful occasions like this one though.
xx kiwi

OP posts:

mrsforgetful · 12/05/2004 22:25

also- if we had a choice we would love our kids to not suffer as they do.

Soapbox · 12/05/2004 22:29

Mrs Forgetful - I for one would give all the money in the NHS if it would make the suffering of your's and anyone else's child go away Rest assured that the vast majority of us would!

mrsforgetful · 12/05/2004 22:40

thankyou!

toddlerbob · 12/05/2004 22:45

I certainly don't feel that way. Any child can cost "the taxpayer" a lot of money at any time, if they get a disease or are in an accident etc. Her argument taken to extremes means nobody should have children at all.

Someone on here once told me that Hindus believe that the child gets to chose their parents, so it's a great compliment that your dd chose you.

Silly hateful lady.

frogs · 12/05/2004 22:55

Piffle -- been lying in the bath thinking about this, and had to come back to it.

Two years ago my sister gave birth to a baby with a genetic defect which is invariably fatal. They found out about it at 24 weeks pregnant, but she refused to be rushed into a termination, and he was born naturally at full term.

He lived for six weeks, taking EBM down a tube, and died peacefully in a sling during a walk on Hampstead Heath. During those six weeks he had several operations, no doubt at vast cost to the public purse, in order to make him as comfortable as possible.

He didn't live long enough to learn to smile, but in his short six weeks he got to know his brother and sister, as well as his cousins and other family, had lots of cuddles, and a peaceful end surrounded by people who loved him.

What value can anyone put on my nephew's short life and his peaceful death? What is the value of your daughter's life, or my daughter's life with her expensive eye problems? Anyone who hasn't worked that out has a long way to go before becoming a human being.

twogorgeousboys · 12/05/2004 23:15

Frogs - your post - so deeply affecting. I want to sweep my children up out of their bed and cot and hold them very very tight.

jmb1964 · 13/05/2004 00:02

Thanks Frogs for such an eloquent demonstration of why Piffle's 'acquaintance' was so completely out of order. I continue to be shocked by stories like this - the world is full of idiots, it seems.
And your GP is one of them Mrs F - two months supply of a regular medication on one script will cost the NHS less than two separate prescriptions for one month each (the pharmacists rake in a generous prescription fee each time) And unless you're on some old-fashioned tricyclic or something, the overdose risk is minimal anyway. Maybe your GP is just a control freak?

hmb · 13/05/2004 06:39

Unreal what some people can say. Totaly unlinked to the 'costing money' but of the thread, but I teach a child with Noonans. I didn't know until the parents told me at parent evening. Great kid and doing very well at school, about to choose A levels! What a load of crap people spout. What next,my dd's free glasses????

gothicmama · 13/05/2004 06:51

I would rather help a child than know my taxes went on weapons or in to the pocket of big business via tax incentives to them . People like that should be ignored or shown in a positive way why you are right

Ghosty · 13/05/2004 08:39

My mouth is agape at what this woman has said to you Piffle ... time for that mangle again I fear ...
My friend found out when her daughter was 5 and a half that she had a genetic syndrome ... we had this discussion and she is so glad she didn't have any amnio tests or anything when she was pregnant because she might well have terminated and if she had, her wonderful and very special DD would never have been born ... makes you think doesn't it?
Frogs ... couldn't get to the end of your story of your nephew without crying ... hugs to you and your family. G xxx

katierocket · 13/05/2004 08:42

frogs, that's so sad, and so true.

oliveoil · 13/05/2004 09:12

What if, god forbid, this stupid ignorant woman was in a car crash or had a bad accident involving her children? Or discovered they had an incurable disease? Would she then refuse NHS care and support? I doubt it. What happened to a caring society, why does someone have to be a 'perfect' human being to be valid?

So glad you told her to get f**ked.

Twinkie · 13/05/2004 09:21

All I think Honey is that you have to realise that these sad stupid ignorant people exist - maybe we should put an end to her or maybe make it our responsibility to see what a complete Ignorant C*NT she is and actually think about things before coming out with such utter shite!!

Original poster

Piffleoffagus · 13/05/2004 10:08

Frogs, that made me weep too, all of this has really upset me, I wish I could have found something more witty and eloquent to say to her but the look on her £100k per year joint income face was enough for me.
I also said if she said that to anyone else she could expect a physical assault, and indeed if she offered those views to me again, I'd be first in the queue. She has private health don't you know, she so gladly informed me.
Ahh I replied, so do we, but sadly our dd is not covered because of the small print...
Then I did tell her to go and get roundly f**ked and stalked off carrying my giggling nhs burden with me.
If I see her again (which I will seriously try to avoid) I will remonstrate further.
saying I am Enraged doesn't even touch it...

OP posts:

roisin · 13/05/2004 10:10

I'm shocked and horrified kiwi.

wobblyknicks · 13/05/2004 10:11

piffle - I don't think the most eloquent comment would have got through to someone as stupid as her. Its a pity that all the joint income in the world can't make up for being a damn idiot!!! I think what you said was the best thing you could - short (not sweet but she didn't deserve sweet) and straight to the point!

roisin · 13/05/2004 10:11

Crossed post - shocked and horrified at her comments of course, not your response! Your response sounds fab - wish I had your guts. Fwiw I'm sure you've made her think twice about expressing such opinions in future. (Wish I could have seen her face too.)

dinosaur · 13/05/2004 10:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

wobblyknicks · 13/05/2004 10:14

piffle - if you see her again you should ask her directly "if one of your kids developed an illness later in life or had an accident, which meant they'd be a permanent 'burden' on the NHS, would you like them taken out and shot then>"

coppertop · 13/05/2004 10:16

I'm speechless at the ignorance of that woman. Presumably if a child has a disability that isn't obvious before birth then they should be instantly terminated??
I also dislike the assumption that a person with a disability will not have a contribution to make to society - financially or otherwise.

Jimjams · 13/05/2004 10:16

Piffle- really think you should print out this thread and just hand it to her when you see her again (and if I was you I would go out of my way to make sure she received a copy of this- maybe the url would do......).

So lovely lady- if you are reading this

I"D RATHER HAVE MY NHS/TAX BURDEN (he's nonverbal autistic- so should obviously have been stoned to death when diagnosed at age 3- after all he's never going to be any use to anyone) IN MY LIFE THAN YOU ANYDAY- and I hope I'm never unfortunate enough to meet you. You don't deserve to walk free.

PS durr I've paid taxes too- and my husband pays taxes as well- that's why we pay them- so that the money is there when we need it- and for others who need it. It's called society.

dinosaur · 13/05/2004 10:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

twogorgeousboys · 13/05/2004 10:45

So the woman has private healthcare huh!

Well if anything really serious does happen to her or her family she will find out that its worth diddlysquat when the chips are down.

A few years ago, one of our neighbours went into a private hospital under her private healthcare scheme that she'd been paying for for years. Within a week she'd been bundled off to the nearest NHS hospital. The private hospital soon got rid of her when they realised she had a serious problem - a brain tumour.

mrsforgetful · 13/05/2004 10:49

JJ- was just thinking the same!

And...FROGS.....that post alone is worthy of printing of and shoving in anyones face the next time they so much as LOOK at me critically about how i handle my sons......i would rather they have a 'glorious' life- with all the help (Available???!) that i can get- an be a burden on the NHS- than simply give up!
(i could laminate it and carry it with me ....infact WHAT A GOOD IDEA....i could search old threads and laminate the ones that inspire and encourage me.....along with some like this which would be useful to 'educate' the ignorant....)
P.s....i am SERIOUSLY going to do this....it is not a 'laminator' 'joke' coppertop and Davros!!!!

coppertop · 13/05/2004 11:02

I can't say we're exactly overwhelmed with NHS support at the moment either. Ds1 has 45 minutes of SALT each month. He probably won't reach the top of the OT list until he's nearly 7 years old. Even the HV has only bothered to see him once (for a whole 10 minutes) during the past 2 years - and THAT was only because she was told that she ought to be making an effort to get involved. That was nearly 4 months ago and she hasn't contacted us since.

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