Help

[frankiebuns]

My ds is 4 and is obsessed with his nanny my mum to the point he wants to live with her rather Han in the family home he doesn't listen to me anymore he doesn't care he won't eat what I give him won't let me take him out only nanny can do this stuff. And the kick to the per verbal s was that he doesn't love me only nanny and daddy and his sister. I am now living apart frm my husband as my son was ts to sleep with nanny in her house so both kids and me have come i haven't slept with my husband since we got married 4 months ago. He refuses to poo on the loo he will hold on or poo in his pants and expect us to fish it out and put in the loo I have explained that this isn't an option at school so he said I'll hold on and make his anal fistula worse. I at my wits end. We had an day of fun planned but he's refusing to go so he's at In his room playing with one toy yet again and h's sister kisses out yet again I'm so cross at the moment help please tell me this is getting easier

Let me get this straight....you and your daughter and son have moved to his Nanny's house because he wanted to?

You need to go back home and get your son a diagnoses if you think there are issues making life difficult.

You say he has some issues with pooing and has an anal fistula...so you've obviously seen a GP at some point....but does he have any other diagnoses?

You can't let your son rule the roost to the point where you're living apart from your husband.

He has aspergers in press of formal diagnosis but paediatrician said if he wasn't he'd eat his hat. He dost love me and he tells me doesn't wan to live with me. Won't listen to me won't even come in the house I'm quite strict as that's what he needs Nd my mu isnaodmback

Its just words, he is 4 he isnt really old enough to understand the concept on not loving you! He is p.....d off with you because you are making him conform!!

Having aspergers does not mean he gets to tell you what to do! Yes it means parenting in a different way but you are still the adult!!

Go home, ride the storm and remind him loads of times a day that you love him and want him to live with you.

Controlling behaviour is a massive part of autism and its nearly always caused by anxiety.

Have a look at the book "The explosive child" by Ross Greene. Also read about strategies that help families livig with autism and possibly look at PDA too for strategies if the autism ones dont work!

Most importantly keep coming on here for great support and advice!!

Good luck

Ineed speaks a lot of sense...

ineed speaks loads of sense. And she knows her stuff. My DS control issues are always what cause the problems here.
I would not move for him though.

The time he went mad and said he hated me and wanted to live with nanny I helped him pack his case, opened the front door and waved him off. He got 2m's

I don't condone my actions or think it's right but it was a turning point for us both in finding ways to manage. Children with autism often want boundaries because they feel unable to cope without routine - yet they push the boundaries strongly.

Move back home. For everyone's sake. If you've moved out at your DS say so and then say no to something else he's getting mixed messages which won't help. Are there any support groups near you.