ok, they win,

[kojackscat]

I surrender. The LA have ground me down, kicked me so many times, lied, confused, refused to communicate, etc. I give in now, I dont have the energy to continue to fight.

I will carry on loving my son, doing the best for him at home, but can't fight any more for him to get a decent education.
I'll just resign myself the the fact that he will be in a place that cant cope with him, not learn, be sent home often, only be in half days anyway, and generally fail.
I will never work again, so will have to contine to claim benefits, cos I cant find a job that is flexible enough to fit in with his short hours and regular exclusions

Cos that is what the LA want, and I dont have the emotional energy to fight them any more.

[StarlightMcKenzee]

OP Only read your first post but you haven't given in and you mustn't look at it like that.

You have assessed your current resources and are allocating them wisely. At some point it will be worth battling again but for now you have better and more important things to do with your time even it if is only to rest and recoup.

There is no-one on this board who can and does keep going at a high force. We all opt out of battles at times and feel a bit guilty for it but if you need to focus on the outcome rather than the battle and be sensible.

[kojackscat]

thanks Starlight

[Elisabennet]

I do get it. After part lost tribunal (long story), I just wanted the lot out of DS life, no one got him. However a couple years later, ready to fight again. Don't think it is the end of all; in a few years you may be ready to go there again, maybe, maybe not, but do what you need To do for you and family.

[deadwitchproject]

Wishing you the best of luck for when you're ready to go again.
In the meantime, look after yourself.

[wasuup2014]

Can someone send me a copy of a sample template for pre - action notice of judicial review, if possible?

[kojackscat]

Just heard, on the grapevine, that the school we wanted has said no.
I'm at a loss now, no idea where he will be in September.
I'll still have to wait for the official draft plan, my MP is trying to speed it up, but I think it will be several weeks yet.

So I need to shake myself out of this rut and start fighting again and go to appeal.
I've been to the gp, am mow on ads. Hopefully they will start to help, and give me the energy to do this.

There is still too much crying in my life though.

[StarlightMcKenzee]

Oh ds has attended loads of schools that said no. I didn't go to appeal just asked them to explain themselves. That is all it seemed to take and they changed their minds. One of them that changed their mind I refused to send ds to though as that conversation gave me enough information to know that it wouldn't work.

It's kind of like 'no' is just the default answer for everything. Same with healthcare Them 'Sorry Mrs Star, we can't change the appointment time', Me 'Don't be silly!' Them 'Oh we can but there will be an additional year of waiting' Me 'Don't be silly!' Them 'Oh, we've got a slot next Thursday', Me 'Thanks'.

There's no raised voices or demands or anything. It's almost like that is the way they conduct every phone call. Same with schools.

[kojackscat]

They are full, and its in the next LA along. There is a lot of politics between the two councils. I think ds will miss out cos of that.

When I hear officially ill ask the question though.

[StarlightMcKenzee]

They all say they're full too. In fact the one ds is starting at really IS full but they are taking him all the same. Hope you finally get a school with that kind of attitude. It's taken us nearly 5 years.

Good luck!

[MairOldAlibi]

A tactical retreat isn't giving in. Nor is collapsing in a heap. And choosing to walk away from a rigged poker match run by the Mafia is common sense.

It's really fine to be too exhausted to carry on- the battle will still be there for you to continue fighting later. The one thing you probably need to continue right now is evidence hoarding. And ADs may give you the energy

A big cardboard box to shove every bit of arriving paperwork into, a mini-diary entry per dodgy incident, plus a sub file in your email inbox, and the daily log of who said what, plus role/time/date/location/ extension number etc. Should you decide to fight again soon, or even later, this will be gold.

[MairOldAlibi]

If the Plan turns out to be sh*te, these awful shenanigans will end up helping your ds. Cos taking 40 weeks for a 20 week process, despite an MPs intervention, will look pretty poor when your LA faces a Tribunal judge.

[youarekiddingme]

In agree stepping back is not giving up.

I've stepped in and out throughout DS life - even during the dx process.
I emailed to confirm every conversation and eventually when DS was at risk of exclusion for violence produced them all with an email saying it's due to lack of support and why wasn't it given to prevent this.
Complete u turn - inputs everywhere including EHCP application. Which ironically they refused to access because we had loads of reports and his needs were being met through 'my plan'.

Sometimes you have to know what you want whilst knowing what you get is good enough. It maybe the wrong attitude but I decided if I had high expectations of school they could disappoint me - so I lowered them!

[2boysnamedR]

I have taken the low expectation attitude with my toddler. Expected nothing and got a specialist setting! Agree it's got to be the right fight at the right time. Pick your battles.

[chaiselounger]

You have my every sympathy.
They ground me down so much. We all 'get' you, if that's any consolation.

[trulymadlydeeplyunlikeable]

For me its the lying and arse covering that is the worst, that and the arrogance!!

That's what frustrates me most. Despite laws and guidance, policies and training in place supposedly to support our children, it really comes down to attitudes and that's hard to fight and change.

I'm joining you in the time out. I've wasted another school year with people like this so I'll continue to keep note but I'm switching off come the Summer Hols and concentrating on what's important.

to all of you for having to go through this.

[kojackscat]

Just had parents evening. They really don't want him in school in September. But without the ehcp , I dont know what the do. Everywhere is full, so wont accept him unless they are named on ehcp. And even then, no ms school can meet his needs, and the only ss is out of area and there is so much politics between the two LAs its unbelievable

[MairOldAlibi]

They really don't want him in school in September

Not necessarily a bad position for now. If there's no place elsewhere, wanting rid of your DS might motivate them a bit with managed move, 'alternative provision' or ensuring they do a poor job of opposition to parental EHCP.

[Icimoi]

Have you still not got an EHCP? Have you tried SOS SEN again?

[kojackscat]

My mp has taken up the fight for the ehcp now. I need to step back from it for a while, its making me ill and v grumpy with the kids. And that's not fair on them.

[2boysnamedR]

The school not wanting him, while awful is good. If they don't want him, it's heir job to get him out. If they can't cope with needs, it's their case to build up

[beautifulgirls]

Keep going, this fight can be won. You are gaining more evidence every time his current school cant cope - get it documented and push it back at the LA as further evidence. Appeal where you need to if you don't get what he needs. Look at independent special schools as well, if the LA cant find a specialist placement in their schools or those neighbouring they will have to pay if that is what he needs, though tribunal may be needed to push this issue. It may be once you push for an indi school they can magically find a place elsewhere for him after all anyway.

[Icimoi]

I just feel that you could conclude the fight very quickly by getting a letter formally threatening JR sent off. But, of course, I totally understand why you need a rest.

[kojackscat]

Sorry to keep imposing on you lovey people but SOS SEn and IPSEA lines are permenantly engaged, and I need some advice about legalities.

It looks like the LA is finally about to name a school. Its not the ss that I wanted, but a dual registration at a ms school but he will attend a unit at another school until such time as he is ready to integrate into the ms school.
I can't see that he will ever be able to intagrate, but this placement will be better than where he is now.

So, if I accept that place, will I still be able to appeal for the ss I want, or by sending him there will I be deemed to have accepted it full stop?

Basially, what they are offering is better than what he has now, but not good enough. So I dont know if I should :
move him and be happy,
keep him where he is and appeal,
or move him and still appeal.

thanks

[AgnesDiPesto]

Yes you can still appeal while trying the new placement. If they issued EHCP (are they doing that to name the unit?) then that would take effect from date issued and be in force until tribunal decided otherwise. If no EHCP then yes you can accept the place for now and still appeal for something else.

[kojackscat]

yes, they are going to name a school in my long awaited EHCP. So if I move him, I can still go to appeal? thats good to know.