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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

Ineed to share this!

61 replies

Ineedmorepatience · 21/04/2015 17:42

Exciting news! The decision is made, from July Dd3 will no longer attend school.

I habe begun to take steps towards HE including buying a handwriting rescue pack and phoning the schools music service to check that she can still attend her after school band once a week!!

I am very excited and Dp is showing signs of enthusiasm as well which is about as good as it gets from him.

Cant wait to tell her now but just need to wait a bit longer.

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Mollyweasley · 21/04/2015 17:48

Well done Ineed, here's to happy mornings in the Ineed household! Wine

Original poster
Ineedmorepatience · 21/04/2015 17:59

Thanks molly and happy evenings and sundays!! Grin

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Lesley25 · 21/04/2015 18:00

Well done Ineed.
Happy summer ahead!

Original poster
Ineedmorepatience · 21/04/2015 18:02

Yay!! Smile

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PolterGoose · 21/04/2015 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bjkmummy · 21/04/2015 18:08

that's fantastic Ineed and I may well be joining you on this journey soon.

where does this leave you with the tribunal?

Original poster
Ineedmorepatience · 21/04/2015 18:13

I will pm you later bjk am off to support group now. But thanks and you polter you have helped so much this year Smile

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StarlightMcKenzee · 21/04/2015 21:27

Goodness, we're dropping like flies........

Grin
Original poster
Ineedmorepatience · 21/04/2015 22:02

Grin I see it more as climbing out than dropping starlight!

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StarlightMcKenzee · 21/04/2015 22:08

Yes.

I think though I envisage getting my feet firmly back on the ground after being highly strung up, with every fight just strangling me more. I feel like an outlaw now, and as such don't get the same protection from the state, but oh to be free....................

Original poster
Ineedmorepatience · 21/04/2015 22:22

Yes I feel that I am being ground into dust by all the shit, Dd3, Dp and I have been doing this for 8 yrs and we are done!! We need some time and space to find ourselves again. I want Dd3 to have some happy childhood memories not to be haunted by the the memories of hating school and nobody helping her!!

And yes to be free will be amazing Smile although we both still have to work but one of us will always be here with Dd3 Smile

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senvet · 21/04/2015 23:20

Wonderful - well done.

I can sense your shouders lowering, your blood pressure dropping, and a happy dc from here.

Look forward to many happier days ahead....

Original poster
Ineedmorepatience · 22/04/2015 07:40

Thanks senvet still a little way to go, Dd3 is wanting to go less and less and I have work coming out of my ears so I sense the last term could be a challenge but at least there is a big bright light at the end of my tunnel now!! Grin

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bbkl · 22/04/2015 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2boysnamedR · 22/04/2015 12:20

I'm glad you have found a way out. It's important to say where your line is drawn and then turn your back

streakybacon · 22/04/2015 12:33

Oh, how wonderful Grin!

I'm so pleased for you, and excited, and optimistic - HE is such a great way to learn.

Tbh I think there will be more and more of us in the coming years, with support and funding dropping off so much. Schools just can't cope with SEN nowadays Sad.

Original poster
Ineedmorepatience · 22/04/2015 12:37

I agree bbkl where are these settings?? Dd3 has been in 2 "outstanding" and one "good" one!! We have been promised the moon on a stick and then some but nothing has been delivered!! Its so hard when you move them because you are sold an impressive inclusion line and then it turns out to be all talk!!

Yes 2boys my line was drawn a while ago but DP wasnt ready so I had to battle on until he saw it for what it was! All talk and no action!

Now he gets it we are a strong team and Dd3 will be ok Smile

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StarlightMcKenzee · 22/04/2015 13:20

I can't express how wonderful HE has been for DS. I used to think that I was making a decision 'on balance' acknowledging that he would have opportunities in a school setting that I can't offer.

That was before I removed him. I can't think of a single benefit of him attending school now, for him. And whilst it is true there are things I can't do that a school can, if you look just at the outcome rather than the method, HE can be far superior.

BUT, it is quite the hardest thing I have ever done, and though I love it, the reason I love it is because of ds' progress, not because of how much of a logistical nightmare my life has turned out, with the additional workload and even more competing demands on my time. And yet, this is not recognised, and nor will it ever be, by those outside of HE, or even 'professionals', so many celebrations are a private affair even though you want to run around telling everyone.

Original poster
Ineedmorepatience · 22/04/2015 15:35

Thanks star for your insight. I remember leaving work tobe a SAHM with Dd3 and not realising how tough it was going to be.I had worked when I only had Dd1 and 2 but couldnt leave Dd3 with anyone so I left work. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Now I only have Dd3 at home and DP works shifts so we are going to be able to share the load. Obviously we have some planning to do and we know its not going to be a walk in the park but compared to now! I know it will be better.

I will make sure I share our celebrations on here where even if people dont understand exactly what you are going through they will root for you and cheer you on! Grin

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streakybacon · 22/04/2015 16:08

I can totally relate to what Star has said. My ds was in shreds when I pulled him out of school, six and a half years ago. He was an absolute mess, aggressive and confrontational, and unable to function socially. He's now a popular, confident and independent 16 year old with a batch of good IGCSEs and on his way to college in September. None of that would have been possible in school because support was so poor. With HE you can work on what's important, when it's important, and for as long as it's necessary - not time-limited short burst interventions that look good on paper. HE is truly built around the individual's needs.

Yes, you will be knackered, but my God, will it be worth it Grin.

Original poster
Ineedmorepatience · 22/04/2015 18:25

Yes streaky I think that is one of the things I am excited about, being able to foccus on where she needs most. For example she is not getting any OT at the moment which she desperately needs so I am going to build it into our week, she also never speaks to people she doesnt know and often people she does know so that is something else we can work on.

Her handwriting has been an issue for years and she has never learned to join, while I know this isnt the most important thing in the world but she wants to be able to write neatly so I have bought a pack with a handwriting scheme and plan to work through it with her when she is ready.

Thanks streaky and everyone else I really value your input Smile

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Original poster
Ineedmorepatience · 22/04/2015 18:26

And its so good to hear that HE is working for others Smile

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StarlightMcKenzee · 22/04/2015 18:33

One thing I would advise is researching HE support networks in your area, preferably in advance.

The groups vary widely and range from the co-oops set up for the 'elite' who don't want education to be tainted by mere average plebs, to kind and accepting groups who have either children or lifestyles that just don't much 'fit' the current education system for many different reasons.

It is good to find a group that suit you, because there will be days when things aren't going so well and you'll want to offload without being offered 'well you can always send them back to school' as a solution.

Course, you can whinge here too! Smile

streakybacon · 22/04/2015 18:34

You might want to teach her to type, rather than spending too much time on handwriting. Someone assessed ds after years of non-intervention for his hypermobility and poor handwriting, and she said that problems were so ingrained they'd never be corrected - should have been dealt with when he was younger. As long as she can write enough to fill in a form, that'll be enough for today's needs. Plus, you'll establish a 'normal way of working' for exam access arrangements, when the time comes.

StarlightMcKenzee · 22/04/2015 18:34

Is there a MN SN HE group btw?