Pulling hair, clothes, why does he do it?

[gracej]

I go every week to a playgroup with DS (21 months and delayed in all areas). I go so that he can see other children playing and I can meet mums.
But, every single week I find myself chasing after him to make sure he doesn't grab and pull other children's hair. I know most children do this sort of thing once in a while, but in DS's case is it just not normal, it is totally over the top! As soon as he sees another child, he will walk towards him/her and pull the hair, pull the clothes, touch them. He does not do it in an aggresive manner at all. I know it must have something to do with his development delay, but no one has been able to explain to me why it happens.
I had such a bad afternoon today that poor DH had to be my shoulder to cry on. It is so upsetting.
Have any of you had this problem? Is it just a phase? is there any way in which I can help him?
Thanks for any advice...

grace
can you email me [email protected]
please

Grace - I dunno. DD1 had a thing about hair for a long time - sometimes pulling it, but mostly just touching it. Wasn't such a problem with adults but when she got into a SN playgroup and saw a lot of little heads at her level....

It lasted for about 6 months, 9 months, something like that. Then it faded away on its own.

She still has a thing about licking people (disturbingly she is at crotch level to most adults so you have to watch her....) I'm guessing there is some sensory component here but quite what I don't know.

r3dh3d, 6 to 9 months! Sounds like an iternity. I really prefer not to stop going to the playgroup, I take care of DS full time and I just feel I need a bit of socializing, but, I feel I am just not getting anything out of it right now... All I do is run after him. Maybe I should stop going until the habbit stops.
Glad to know that in your case it did stop, gives me some hope.
LOL about licking people... hopefully in 6 months that will be over too.

Do you think he is doing it as a way of interacting with the other children? Does he know other ways of interacting with the other children? Is he doing it to get your attention? Perhaps you could spend time with him and one other child working on interacting without pulling at the hair / clothes. Does the playgroup have access to an area SENCO who may be able to offer some support and suggestions? Sounds like it is important to both of you to keep going to the group so hopefully you will make it work

Hi, my son when smaller used to push as well. I'd say, he is either trying to interact with kids the only way he knows how, or it either provides him with some kind of sensory stimulation (hair etc, my son likes touching hair too). In either case you'd need to try and redirect that, the thing is, it is easier said than done , but for ex, when he pushes or pulls hair you could show him what to do instead, like maybe hold the other child hand or stroke their hair gently and try to encourage/make him to do the same. It might not do the trick straight away but in time he might pick it up. Does he speak a bit? if not, do you know about pecs, communication with images? they can really help .
Good luck.

HI Christie, very interesting to hear from someone who teaches at an special school. Do the children you teach normally grow out of this behaviour? I think I am going to pay more attention to him next time to see if one of your two ideas fit. I can't make up my mind, I don't know if he is using the children as a cause/effect toy, or if he doesn't know how to interact. If he is holding a teddy bear or whatever he'll just throw it on the floor in a minute.

Thinking about it again, maybe he just doesn't know how to interact. For example, when we are walking in a shop, as soon as he spots another child he will run to him/her and grab them. If it were a cause/effect situation, he would probably grab adults too.. (Just thinking aloud now!!!).

N170698. Your suggestion is brilliant. I have started doing that, but like you say, I think it will take a very long time for him to get the message. In the meantime, I think I will continue to go to the playgroup, even though it is sooo tiring. If I don't expose him to other children he will never learn to interact with them. Wish DH could come with me so that we could take turns!!

Thanks for your ideas...

my youngest is going through a 'blowing in face' phase- he seems to be doing it instead of the biting he was doing...so to get him of blowing i will introduce an apropriate behaviour...but to start i try and ignore it- but like you said about hair etc...it's not easy when it's other kids.

christies advice is very good...my son is alot older than yours...but with ASD these behaviours come and go...my eldest still chews anything in sight...but i believe as they get older i have had more success explaining what is hurtful etc...whereas with your child ...he is too young to fully 'get' it

As well as trying to help your son learn to interact with the other children it might be worth helping the other children at the playgroup to interact with him. You could ask them to take his hand to shake it to say hello before he pushes them or ask them to try not to react in an 'exciting' way when he pushes them. Even quite young children can be receptive to changing the way they react to another child.

Most parents I have spoken to say that their child goes through phases - some good and some bad. You have to hope that the good phases last a long time and the bad phases last a short time!

Sounds like you are doing a fab job

that mantra is great...i shall copy it if i may!!!!?

the 'substitution' behaviour is somethinmg i really identify with...my eldest used to kiss everyone at age 5....so we thought we were clever to 'stop' him...till he then started licking everyone....that was before we knew he has AS/ADHD etc