Ugger's Friday Challenge

[uggerthebugger]

...is to re-write this job vacancy. Your re-write must contain no lies, distortions of the truth, sins of omission, or local authority management speak. Just the plain, unvarnished truth of the job.

Oh, and try not to die laughing. Or from apoplexy.

HERTFORDSHIRE COUNTY COUNCIL
Location - Welwyn Garden City
Salary - £22,937 - £25,440 per annum

HCC03589

SEN Officer

1 permanent post and 2 fixed term posts

£22,937 - £25440 per annum (pro rata basis on number of hours worked)

Work Area:
Post 1 Watford and Three Rivers - 18.5 hours per week - Permanent
Post 2 Welwyn Garden City - 30 hours per week - Fixed term
Post 3 Stevenage - 22 hours per week - Fixed term

Vacancy Information

This is an exciting opportunity to join a small, locally based team responsible for the assessment and review of children with SEN (Special Education Need) within the area. You will need to have had experience of working in the area of SEN within a local authority or school context and be able to demonstrate a broad range of skills and a willingness to work with other agencies to secure the best possible outcomes for young people.

As part of an experienced, committed and motivated team, you will manage and deliver high-quality services for children with a broad range of special educational needs. This role will involve working closely with parents, carers, schools and a range of other agencies, and managing a designated caseload of complex cases.

A superb communicator at all levels, you must have excellent organisational skills, a high level of literacy and good knowledge of SEN in a school-based environment. The role also calls for an understanding of law and procedures relating to the SEN Code of Practice and the Disability Discrimination Act 2002.

We are seeking to appoint for 3 positions. In your supporting statement please specify which post/s you would be interested in (Post 1, Post 2 or Post 3).

Closing date: 3rd March 2015
Interview: 13th March 2015

Job description....

Ability to speak and write lies and bulls..t,
Ability to p..s parents off,
Very little knowledge of SEND or in fact children,
Not having actually worked with real children ever,
Ability to interpret the SEND COP in any way you fancy,
Generally nasty personality.

I could go on all night

Thanks ugger I needed a laugh tonight

This is an exciting opportunity to join a small, locally based team responsible for avoiding the assessment and review of children with SEN (Special Education Need) within the area. You will need to have had no experience of working in the area of SEN within a local authority or school context and be able to demonstrate a broad lack of skills and knowledge around SEN and SEN law and a willingness to work with other agencies to secure the best possible outcomes for the local authority

As part of a questionably experienced, poorly committed and unmotivated team, you will manage and deliver poor-quality services for children with a broad range of special educational needs that you will have very little knowledge of. This role will involve avoiding parents and carers and treating them with contempt. You will work with schools and a range of other agencies, especially our legal team, to ensure parents feel helpless and hopeless, and managing to reduce budgets and save money for a designated caseload of complex cases.

Superbly avoidant of communication with parents at all levels, you must have poor organisational skills with an ability to lose incoming paperwork, a high level of illiteracy and poor knowledge of SEN in a any environment. The role also calls for an appalling understanding of law and procedures relating to the SEN Code of Practice and the Disability Discrimination Act 2002.

Awesome. After a week of wall-to-wall public sector fuckwittage, this is making me feel better already!

Will put something together once I've got a chance to sit down...

polter they clearly pay shite for shite staff

The SEN team at my LA are on alot more than that!!

Agree with polter the pay is shite. I thought they would be nearer 30k per year!

I was surprised at the pay, too.

The temps will be taken on purely to take existing statements and pour them into EHCPs, so the description really needs an emphasis on poor C&P and proof reading skills, preferably with the ability to insert the name of a completely different family into all documentation.

HERTFORDSHIRE COUNTY COUNCIL
Location - Welwyn Garden City
Salary - £22,937 - £25,440 per annum

HCC03589

Vacancy Information

This is an exciting opportunity to join a small, locally based team responsible for the refusing assessment and review of children with SEN (Special Education Need) within the area. You will need to have had experience of working in the area of denying SEN within a local authority or school context and be able to demonstrate a broad range of skills and a willingness to work with other agencies to secure the best possible excuse for minimising LA costs at the expense of outcomes for young people.

As part of an experienced, committed and motivated cost-saving team, you will manage and deliver high-quality delaying tactics, and creative ways of convincing parents to give up as soon as possible their valid requests for services for children with a broad range of special educational needs. This role will involve working closely with parents, carers, schools and a range of other agencies, to minimise the LA expenditure and managing a designated caseload of complex cases that you can make out are really perfectly simple and require no paperwork or expense.

A superb communicator of simple and complex lies at all levels, you must have excellent organisational skills to pull off a convincing rebuttal of an LGO complaint, a high level of literacy no morals and good knowledge of SEN in a school-based environment to mximise low-expense classroom only delivery. The role also calls for an understanding of law and procedures relating to the SEN Code of Practice and the Disability Discrimination Act 2002 as you will be fighting 3 appeals per child per year - refusal to assess, refusal to statement and refusal to amend, and will need to know how to exploit every loophole and delaying tactic available to wear parents down.

We are seeking to appoint for 3 positions. In your supporting statement please specify which post/s you would be interested in (Post 1, Post 2 or Post 3). an ability to put unethical pressure on professionals to fudge their finding would be an advantage.

Closing date: 3rd March 2015
Interview: 13th March 2015

Pmsl!!! How funny

Based my la rep, his boss and my previous case officer

Wanted. Three idiots. Hear no sen, see no sen and speak no sen.

Would be easier to say "all round obnoxious dick required"

Wow that's not great pay. You couldn't motivate me to be such a bully for that kind of money.

Not like you go to sleep at night thinking "I destroyed a few children's life today, but it was worth it for the cash"

It's very sad and an awful reflection on local government. If you didn't know any better and were a young, idealistic person, then (leaving aside the shite salary) it does sound a really good job. Sounds very professional, very positive, good career move and an all-round-good-egg position.

This was the sort of professional person I thought I was dealing with when I first approached my LA to assess my son. Bitter bitter experience has taught me that I was wrong, and everyone else on this thread is telling the truth.

I needed a laugh in a week where I have found out that the school has no intention of providing what is in my DS revised statement. Thanks everyone!

Thanks for this!
ouryve we must be in the same LA