Aaaaand into school refusal we go! :-(

[Ineedmorepatience]

We have been trying to avoid this and have repeatedly told the school that not supporting Dd3 properly would lead to school refusal!

So they have repeatedly ignored us and allowed her to fall apart!!

Nightmare! [ sad]

She was given a detention by a trainee teacher, which would have been fine but the notification arrived by email as she was getting ready for school yesterday!

She didnt know what she had done and she wasnt told in the lesson that she was misbehaving in anyway!

I managed to get her in yesterday under duress and in the hope that she would get help to sort it out.

But she was very stressed and anxious when she came home having done the detention but still apparently not sure why. And saying that she wasnt going today, sure enough when I woke her up this morning she basically said no way!!

I said I have to at least try to get you to go and she replied, "You can try but I am not going so you might as well not bother!"

So I didnt try very hard and she has had a "stress day!!"

Am really gutted because I dont know where we go from here and angry because if school were following the provisions that have been made by outside proffs this wouldnt have happened!

Well, I am still giving DD3 a cheer for telling this inept school where they can go with their pathetically-ill-adapted education.

And check with IPSEA - it may be that the law which said you are entitled to full time home tuition has survived the new act. That usually comes as a shock to SEN departments

But lots of whatever-makes-it-better as I know you would rather have been proved wrong than proved right.

Oh, joy :(

Thanks senvet, they havent been in contact despite the message I left on the absence line answer machine this morning!!
So clearly they are not that bothered!!

Oh no! I clicked on this hoping it wasn't you. I hope you manage to persuade her to go in tomorrow. Not a lot you can do at this age when they refuse. I hope school gets in contact to sort out what went wrong.

Thanks one yes its me

Crashed out on the sofa !!

We havent discussed tomorrow yet

Start a paper trail, haven't you got tribunal in a couple of months?
Ask the school to email or put it in a letter why your dd got a detention.

As the answer machine is probably been emptied by now.
Hope dd finally gets the help she requires.
When will these schools ever learn to support children with sen ???

Thanks iwant I did email them yesterday to try to find out why she had the detention.

The email we recieved did give a reason but she is adamant that she didnt get into trouble or have a warning that her behaviour was unacceptable.

I will email again tomorrow! I am utterly sick of not being listened to, I told them last wednesday that they werent supporting her properly and she was teetering on school refusal but they just dont listen. I just think the schools are too big for our kids

Did she go in today? Hope so and she has a good day.

No such thing as school refusal!

Only 'meeting need refusal'.

The school has refused to meet the SEN of your child and she is therefore now unable to attend without experiencing extreme anxiety and stress. This is a perfectly reasonable behaviour.

Nope one she got up when I asked her to but was complaining of a headache and stomach ache! When I came out of the shower she had gone back to bed!

I think she has made herself feel ill by not sleeping and worrying all night

I left her at home with DP and went to work! I didnt bother to ring them today, I did email the senco though, had a phone call from the HOY at 11 am to say he wants to meet tomorrow to discuss what they can do to help keep her in school

So I will go and say it all again and see what happens. To be honest I was on the verge of taking her out all together but will give them yet another chance first!

Utterly exhausted, depressed and have had enough now! Have spoken to IPSEA and they said she is going to have to fail at the this school to before anything will change

Thanks bbkl, This is going to sound really negative but I know they will yet again promise the moon on a stick in the meeting!! But will they deliver?? I doubt it

How old is she? Should she be at the meeting with the HOY tomorrow? At my DCs school they like the students to be there too, which is a good thing usually.

Yes, she is coming too mummy she comes to lots of meetings and nods and shakes her head! She is pretty much selective mute when in stressful situations so we still need to be her voice! I am trying to get her to keep a diary but she hates writing, so that is not going to well either!

She is very complicated

The HOY did offer to come to the house! But she was having none of that, home is home. School is school, end of!!

Onwards, thanks all for the support it is very much appreciated

At least she isn't like one of mine, who often smiles and is very sunny at meetings. Just tells me the truth. Thats why it took 3 years to get friendship issues sorted at Primary (and I insisted on not taking her to that meeting).

If she's there then at least she can signal/tell you if they tell huge whoppers.

Yes polter that was his suggestion!!

I did say that we have been trying extremely hard to keep her in school but that I didnt know if I would be able to get her back tomorrow!

mummy at the last meeting she stimmed and fidgetted all the way through like a goodun, especially after I had just told them how stimmy she was just before she came in! I was expecting her to knot move but it was in indication of how stressed she is that she couldnt hold it together in there!

I will know if they are telling me whoppers! Because she does massive facial expressions that she doesnt even attempt to hide! And anyway she tells me verbatim who said what and who did what!!

I almost chucked my job in this morning and still not convinced that this is going to help but as she is saying she wants to be there I have to give it another go!

I need

Good idea about the diary polter! I might suggest that to her , thanks