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Original poster

Do you think this is unreasonable from DS' teacher?

83 replies

earthtomummy · 04/10/2006 16:32

Got called in to see teacher today. DS is 5.5 and in Year 1 and has AS. I tried telling her at thew start of term that Ds was deeply stressed re. school, refusing to go in the morning etc. She said she couldn't believe it given how well he's doing once there. I told her that his behaviour might break down as he gets increasingly tired and unable to contain it at school. (We've had a fair amount of 'fall out' at home). Today DS pulled someone's glasses off his face and trod and jumped on them. Teacher said he's been v. unpleasant this wk. to his classmates and was difficult to manage. She looked really fed up. Then walked off, leaving me with the other boy's dad.
Anyway, spoke to DH and this pm at pick up I asked his teacher for a meeting. She said'with regard to what'? as if I was some crazed parent. I said with regard to this morning. She said well, he's been great this afternoon. So I said well I think we need to discuss it. Anyway she's not got time at the mo. because they are due to move to a new school building in 4 weeks and she's v. busy and is dep. head..
Do you think it is unreasonable to tell me my DS has been unpleasant and diff. to handle but then to refuse to meet me and say everything's fine?

OP posts:
Jimjams2 · 04/10/2006 23:06

BATymumma- I think its safe to just ignore cowmad's posts on this thread. I just mean its fairly obvious she's missed the point.....

Agree with you completely about inclusion. I read mumsent and thank the Lord that ds1 is in an SLD/PMLD school.

misdee · 04/10/2006 23:07

btw i didnt see anything wrong with cowmads original post

dd2 (AS traits, still un-dx) can be destructive, if she breaks anything i offer to pay for it. leaves me skint soemtimes.

cowmad · 04/10/2006 23:08

and are you a teacher an that qualifies you then or just upset at my ops on teachers?

veiled dig how do you know that? cos it wasnt...

BATtymumma · 04/10/2006 23:12

my qualifications ar as the mother of an autistic child who wears glasses. (on top of my degree's and various vocational quals of course)

JJ - your right of course... it just made me so bloody angry

collision · 04/10/2006 23:14

Why does everyone keep having a go at Cowmad?

I thought she sounded very sensible!!

Jimjams2 · 04/10/2006 23:19

because cowmad thinks its about glasses and compensation. IN fact the child shouldn't have got to the point of smashing another kids glasses- if thatr's happening its a sign of something far from well in school. But of course saying that on mumsnet is always interpreted as saying that you condone the smashing of glasses, when of course no-one does.

The absolutely frustrating thing in these cases is that the parents have usually told the school for weeks that "all is not well" but school's don't/can't take it one board. I have watched HF child after HF child lose the plot in these sorts of scenarios. And irritatingly, all totally avoidable. It only needs someone to listen to the parents and act.

The everyone's glasses wpould be safe. And the child with Sn would be getting a suitable education etc etc.

misdee · 04/10/2006 23:21

from what i got from cowmads post, was that etm should push for another meeting with the teacher, and shouldnt have been left with the parents of the other boy, because they'd be thinking about the glasses.

have i got that wrong?

BATtymumma · 04/10/2006 23:21

JJ- doyou have a sore spot on your forehead from all the banging? i know i do, and you do it far better than me.

SparklyGothKat · 04/10/2006 23:22

personally I thought that Cowmad's first post was fine FWIW. And yes I can see both sides.

SamhainWitch · 04/10/2006 23:26

Never thought I would find myself defending cowmad but...

Although badly worded, I interpreted it as follows:

The teacher is in the wrong for abandoning the OP with the parent of the other child. The other parent may have reacted badly and expected an apology and compensation, the teacher should have been there to intervene if need be. The OP needs to push for further talks with the teacher, as the school are clearly failing and will not do better unless she pushes.

Jimjams2 · 04/10/2006 23:26

Perhaps coowmad is a litle brusque. I read it differently than thatr, but reading it again can also see the alternative reading.....

BAT I so didn't want to comment on this thread, in fact I so didn't want to post onm mumsnet, but hey ho here we are (and off agin )

I doo think this sort of thing is very difficult to have conversation about that is in any way useful on mumsnet these days.

SamhainWitch · 04/10/2006 23:26

Interpreted cowmad's original post that is.

misdee · 04/10/2006 23:29

btw, after reading this, and seeing the state of dd3 glasses before they went missing, her having an older sister with AS taits, she will be having 2 pairs of glasses from now on, for such emergencies. i know that when i get her new pair sorted, it will take a while before she will keep them on again.

i have also been to the opticians countless times with sparkly to get her childrens glasses repaired or new ones ordered. seems like she was a weekly visitor at one point.

TwigTwoolett · 05/10/2006 08:27

I'm beginning to get concerned about how much you feel mumsnet has changed JJ tbh and I'm sorry for that because I hate the fact you're not around as much as you used to be ... and I have seen you post similar before

I know there's far more posters but I still use it the same way and the base feeling feels the same to me ... you just have to cut through more guff

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/10/2006 09:55

earthtomummy,

Did you request a meeting?

How did you get on?.

Will you apply directly to the LEA for a statement for your son?

sorrell · 05/10/2006 10:01

It's very different regarding special needs IMO. I was going to post about whether a teacher should inform the parent of a child with Aspergers if he is being punished (naughty chair/sad sun/missing entire playtimes etc etc)for behaviour you don't even know about....but when you know that people will barge on the board, elbows out, telling you that your child is just naughty and should accept whatever punishments are being doled out and you are a crap parent, well.... would you?

sorrell · 05/10/2006 10:06

And JJ is absolutely right. This was a cry for help about a child with a disability who is suffering clearly intolerable stress at school and is being criticised in a nasty, personal way by his teacher. Yet two minutes in all that's being discussed is the other child, whose parent is NOT here asking for help. (and assumptions made about the poster which aren't that nice - eg she doesn't care about the other child, she didn't offer to pay for the glasses etc) Sometimes it feels that if things happen to a 'normal' child it is automatically more important than if things happen to a child with an autistic spectrum disability. This is, I'm sure, not the explicit intention of posters, but it sure feels like that sometimes.

Rosylily · 05/10/2006 10:11

It sounds like the teacher is stressed out and just doesn't have the time to do her job thoroughly. WE NEED MORE CLASSROOM ASSISTANTS!

sorrell · 05/10/2006 10:13

That's true, I agree that there should be more classroom support, but that's not earthtomummy's fault and the problem still needs sorting and personally, I think refusing a meeting is unreasonable.

TwigTwoolett · 05/10/2006 10:14

actually I disagree entirely with that interpretation

I think the post was made to reinforce how wrong the teacher was in putting ETM in that position .. how she managed to create a social structure where the perceptions of all participants are so widely at odds that no resolution can be made without support from someone else .. ...

I am actually rather surprised that it can be read in any other way .. and I have re-read cowmad's post

sorrell · 05/10/2006 10:22

'It's not your fault per say' - No, actually it's not earthtomummy's fault AT ALL. What weasel words.
And as for 'cos tbh if someone had left me alone with the parent of a child who had stamped on my childs glasses, well we`d certainly be having a compensation for said glasses conversation and an apology to the poor little one who is now feeling bad about his glasses..."
Where is the empathy with or understanding for the OP (who in fact HAD offered to pay for the glasses)? Where is the sympathy or understanding for her son? Why is the only 'poor little one' the NT child? That's what I mean. This is on the Special Needs board, the poster made it quite clear that her son has a disability and is struggling, yet three posts in the only child who gets the sympathy is the child of someone who isn't even the subject of the post and who isn't reading this.
Anyway, that, I would guess, is exactly why JJ feels as she does, and why the SN board is largely a private affair. Sorry, but I don't fancy posting about my child's problems on here either because that's the kind of response you get.

Rosylily · 05/10/2006 10:23

What about writing a letter to the teacher in a calm assertive way if possible. Trying to bring her on board a bit?

TwigTwoolett · 05/10/2006 10:37

I refuse to get drawn into a semantic argument about it .. my interpretation of it as a supportive post which was mainly slagging off teacher's actions still stand

I slightly object to the growing feeling that because one has NT kids one is not allowed to comment on certain threads within SN .. I certainly felt that I could have a valid point to make on this particular thread .. as I have on others .... I will not comment on those threads where obviously I have no experience to bring to bear .. although may sometimes post an empathetic support

What is happening here? I know parents of children with SN need particular support .. but is that only from a community of parents with chidren with SN and never from the wider community .. are our viewpoints less valid because our children are NT .. can we not widen out the considerations and give a more rounded viewpoint of any particular occurence ?

ETM .. I apologise wholeheartedly if I have upset you by supporting cowmad's initial post .. and I further apologise for having a minor rant about what is actually a different topic on your thread ... I hope you get your meeting and your support

SamhainWitch · 05/10/2006 10:46

Now you have me confused Twig.

You disagree with my interpretation, yet you see the post as supportive and mainly slagging off the teacher? Errr that was my interpretation.

ETM - I hope you get all the help and support you need. The teacher is a prat of the highest order, go over her head if you have to. Best of luck.

TwigTwoolett · 05/10/2006 11:23

Sahmhain .. think I'm confusing you because I was responding to Sorrell