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SN children

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Original poster

Do you think this is unreasonable from DS' teacher?

83 replies

earthtomummy · 04/10/2006 16:32

Got called in to see teacher today. DS is 5.5 and in Year 1 and has AS. I tried telling her at thew start of term that Ds was deeply stressed re. school, refusing to go in the morning etc. She said she couldn't believe it given how well he's doing once there. I told her that his behaviour might break down as he gets increasingly tired and unable to contain it at school. (We've had a fair amount of 'fall out' at home). Today DS pulled someone's glasses off his face and trod and jumped on them. Teacher said he's been v. unpleasant this wk. to his classmates and was difficult to manage. She looked really fed up. Then walked off, leaving me with the other boy's dad.
Anyway, spoke to DH and this pm at pick up I asked his teacher for a meeting. She said'with regard to what'? as if I was some crazed parent. I said with regard to this morning. She said well, he's been great this afternoon. So I said well I think we need to discuss it. Anyway she's not got time at the mo. because they are due to move to a new school building in 4 weeks and she's v. busy and is dep. head..
Do you think it is unreasonable to tell me my DS has been unpleasant and diff. to handle but then to refuse to meet me and say everything's fine?

OP posts:

cowmad · 04/10/2006 17:44

cant bear them....was in a horrible boarding school from age 6

i know its a lot different now but every now and then i hear teachers use similar phrases i really prickle....altho i have my childrens teachers whipped in to shape nicely thank goodness for them eh?? LOL

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 04/10/2006 17:46

sio you are really going to be able to give good advice then.

SueW · 04/10/2006 17:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

cowmad · 04/10/2006 17:50

we have the lens specially ground down to an acceptable thinness as (bless my baby) they are so thick
this is not done on the nhs

SueW · 04/10/2006 17:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 04/10/2006 17:55

dd has really thick glasses. if you go to the opticians(Not sure if allowed to name them) but i know 2 who do it. they didn't charge us for the thinner lenses

HumphreyPETERCUSHINGCushion · 04/10/2006 17:56

I appreciate that young children might not understand about AS, and some parents might not either.

Every child should feel safe and supported in school, and of course it would be upsetting for the child whose glasses were broken, and for the parent of that child.

But a teacher of a child with AS should understand about AS.

That is why it is unacceptable for this teacher to leave etm with the parent of this other child, walk off and expect etm to deal with it.

etm cannot be responsible for her child's behaviour when he clearly has difficulties that are not being addressed or supported.

etm cannot be responsible for her child's behaviour when she is not there!

It is also unacceptable for the teacher to refuse to meet with etm.

It makes me so angry that children get labelled so easily.

If they were supported properly, these situations are much less likely to occur.

cowmad · 04/10/2006 17:56

lots of children have lenses like this actually ,you just wouldnt know unless you in that position and i did kind of see things from the other side here aswell, cos its a bit of a faff to get new ones they have to go away and what with all the going- getting- fitting it can be days...

Jimjams2 · 04/10/2006 18:27

completely unacceptable from the teacher. You'll never get a teacher like this to understand about running emulators etc though.

I think it'll be hard to have a sensibel conversation about this on mumsnet at the moment, but wanted to say I feel for you, and if you have an autism outreach team would ask them to perhaps talk to the school.

Original poster

earthtomummy · 04/10/2006 19:18

Thanks for all your posts. I'm not condoning DS' behaviour and, for what it's worth, I apologised big time to his Dad and offered to pay for any damage incurred. What is difficult is that IMO strategies should have been put in place to prevent DS' behaviour becoming difficult in the first place. He has an IEP which is useless - still haven't got a copy or review date although I repeatedly request both. Unfortunately the Head at our school tends to shout at parents who raise concerns. He goes along the lines of 'I've turned this school around, my staff are fantastic and if you don't like it you know where the door is..'. When we met him last term after an incident involving DS he said our DS was fine, prob. "mildly autistic but aren't we all" and didn't even hit the bottom of his schools SN radar. He was rude, opinionated and bombastic and utterly patronising. I know lots of people don't know DS has SNs because he looks fine and generally behaves ok in public. So it is frustrating for us to be telling school what goes on outside school at home and to try to explain the ocmplexities of our DS' mind and how difficult he finds expressing himself. I think that this incident was distressing for the other boy and I feel truly sad about that because I know my DS isn't malicious etc, but just finding school deeply stressful. Also his teacher told him off infront of the class which I think most kids would find hard and he then seems to have shouted at all the class calling them stinky toilet heads. Got to laugh really, haven't you because I'm close to tears otherwise.

OP posts:

Socci · 04/10/2006 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

earthtomummy · 04/10/2006 19:31

OK, but although DS has AS he is on the mild end of the apectrum. It's too early to know yet but he may also be dyslexic and is mildly dyspraxic too. Would he qualify for a statement even if his needs are not considered to be severe?

OP posts:

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 04/10/2006 19:33

Only just found this thread (have had a break and skipping vast majority of threads now), just reminded me that every time my AS ds1's glasses are stampd on its not his fault coz her cant take care of them apparently

Not that i ask for compo, given that they're free and all

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 04/10/2006 19:35

Are you sure you can't get the,m on the NHS? Just that Sam ahs 50% vision and still gets thin lenses, Optometrist just writes thin lenses please on prescription request

Socci · 04/10/2006 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Sunnysideup · 04/10/2006 19:37

There is little I can add to Humphrey's excellent posts, I just wanted to add a bit of 'power to your elbow' to deal with this teacher - basically what she did was offload to you at the end of a no doubt stressful day; and then when she had had a better time in the classroom, all was fine!

I definitely think the school needs to agree a more organised way of dealing with issues as they come up for your ds; they need to do this for a boy who finds school such a stress. It can't just be done on an ad-hoc basis depending on how stressed the teacher feels at the end of each day!

Does your ds have an Individual Education Plan, or do these depend on having a statement in place? It just seems to me that something needs to be put in place that will identify appropriate targets for your ds and also importantly, ensure that he is appropriately rewarded; he might need praise and rewards for completely different things than the other kids...

Sorry not to be more help, but go for it, challenge the way this teacher dealt with it.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 04/10/2006 19:43

Can I just offer a bit of support as we have pretty much exactly the same scenario with Sam, who is six. He has a full dx of ASD (HFA / AS) yet gets no supprt; as soon as the statement was refused (because the school didn't actually apply- long story) they pulled all IEP support.

Good luck to you, IPSEA and the NAS are both fantastic.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/10/2006 20:47

Hi earthtomummy,

I would fully concur with Socci's comment below:-

"I think you should should try to get your ds statemented. Or look for a school where the head is not arrogant and defensive. IEPs are not worth anything because they are not legally enforceable".

I recall some of your threads from before and you have clearly had and are still having a hard time with this school and this bombastic head. Your son's social needs are clearly not being met and will continue not to be met unless a statement is in place.

You are your son's best - and only - advocate. School will continue to fail him if you fail to act on his behalf.

reiver · 04/10/2006 21:32

Haven't read all the thread I confess .....but whether the teacher is busy or not, if you as a parent have requested a meeting she should be prepared to arrange one fairly soon even if it is a short one at the end of a day. It's crazy to expect any parent to leave it for four weeks or more whether a child has SN or not!

Original poster

earthtomummy · 04/10/2006 22:02

DH and I were talking this pm and he thought that the teacher had been offloading at the end of a stressful morning. I'm going to go in tom. and reques a mtg. again. wish me luck. Going to bed now, but thanks for al your support.Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without you MNetters. you've given me lots to think about. It's been a crap day and it still takes me by suprise how much an incident like this can affect me.

OP posts:

Socci · 04/10/2006 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BATtymumma · 04/10/2006 22:54

I am soo notgetting into a discussion with Cowmad on here, its not the place - surfice to say that she is the absolute example of the women at school gates that make inclusion so imposible!

i have requested before that she steer clear of threads she has no idea about but hear she is again being utterly offensive.

anyway ETM - im reallypleased you have had so much god advice, and that your having a meeting tomorrow. you really need to get a statement in place and whether the teacher is stressed or not is not your sons problem. explain that you werre unhappy abouit how you were dealt with.

Also i would also be very angry that the child whose glasses were broken's parents knew which child had caused the breakage....they aren't ,meant to tell!

Oh but just for your future knowledge cowmad, glasses for children under the age of 16 are free....no matter what, so are repairs and replacements.
My son who also has ASD has glasses and we get through about 2 pairs a month becasue he gets upset and because he is yet to accpet them they get smashed, i have not paid a penny towards any of them!

cowmad · 04/10/2006 23:02

errr an what are you on about baty??? my advice on this has been positive i think

and maybe the glasses YOUD choose are free but to be honest with you if you want to slag me off your on the wrong thread,theres a diffrent one going for that....so lets leave these nice people alone,they dont want to hear this,and go there...

misdee · 04/10/2006 23:04

glasses are free? so dd3 has lost her pair of glasses so i can just go ad order her a new pair? really? i thought i'd have to pay. whoo hooo!!!

BATtymumma · 04/10/2006 23:04

your advice was a veiled dig!

from what i have seen your not a teacher, dont have any experiance with SN so why are you on these threads?

oh and i have posted on BOTH the other threads as i find you absolutly vile and repugnant.
the sooner your outed from your bridge the better

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