Do you think this is unreasonable from DS' teacher?

[earthtomummy]

Got called in to see teacher today. DS is 5.5 and in Year 1 and has AS. I tried telling her at thew start of term that Ds was deeply stressed re. school, refusing to go in the morning etc. She said she couldn't believe it given how well he's doing once there. I told her that his behaviour might break down as he gets increasingly tired and unable to contain it at school. (We've had a fair amount of 'fall out' at home). Today DS pulled someone's glasses off his face and trod and jumped on them. Teacher said he's been v. unpleasant this wk. to his classmates and was difficult to manage. She looked really fed up. Then walked off, leaving me with the other boy's dad.
Anyway, spoke to DH and this pm at pick up I asked his teacher for a meeting. She said'with regard to what'? as if I was some crazed parent. I said with regard to this morning. She said well, he's been great this afternoon. So I said well I think we need to discuss it. Anyway she's not got time at the mo. because they are due to move to a new school building in 4 weeks and she's v. busy and is dep. head..
Do you think it is unreasonable to tell me my DS has been unpleasant and diff. to handle but then to refuse to meet me and say everything's fine?

Socci i just find the whole way school handle this deeply depressing. DS' needs are quite subtle but this just means they are apparently ignored. They push him along with the others and I think it is too much for him. If someone had told me this is how it would be before we were in this position I would find it difficult to believe. Now I'm in it I feel like i'm in constant battle with the school but havoing to tread so carefully - promoting what's best for our DS whilst trying to avoid conflict with his teachers.

yep your right get back to her an request another meeting and see if you can get the head to attend aswell
the woman is clearly "dippy" cos tbh if someone had left me alone with the parent of a child who had stamped on my childs glasses, well we`d certainly be having a compensation for said glasses conversation and an apology to the poor little one who is now feeling bad about his glasses...
i know its not your fault per say but unless you want to be in the office several times again you clearly need to sort this out and you cant do this without the teachers support/help an i woulnt care ast head or not moving or not(blinkin cheek this is part of her job fgs)

Earthtomummy,

With regards to your last question, in a word yes.

If you haven't already applied for a Statement for your son I would do so asap. His needs are not being met here by school and Statements are not only just for academic need. I have seen this scenario before - many schools do not fully appreciate the problems many children on the autistic spectrum have with regards to school and anxiety associated with it. All their frustration is bottled up only for the parent to get the fall out from same only at home. Small wonder therefore the school does not see it and therefore you get such a reaction.

At the very least meet with the SENCO and ask her what they intend to do re his anxiety issues and behaviour. If you get nowhere with school apply to the LEA yourself for a Statement. To my mind no statement equals no real support in school particularly if AS is as issue. It therefore needs to be tackled now by yourselves.

IPSEA are very good at this sort of issue and I would suggest you read their website:-
www.ipsea.org.uk

I would go for a Statement on the basis that such a document is legally binding and the school will get funds to meet his needs (well that's the intention anyway). Anything short of that will not go the whole way to meeting his needs at school.

Have you spoken with the NAS?. They may be able to help as well in this regard.

what have i done now?

hello earthtomummy, this is an all too familiar story, sadly.

We have been through several years of our child not being properly supported in school, but made to feel responsible for the outcomes of his clear signals that he cannot cope.

We spoke to a parent liaison advisor at the LEA, who advised us to put any concerns in writing to the headteacher, and to ensure that we copied in the Chairman of the Governors.

She said that all too commonly the governors don't put pressure on the head to fulfill support for children who need it because they are (or claim to be), unaware of the situation.

She also advised us to copy the school SENCO in on the letters, but as this was the headteacher at our son's school, this didn't really help.

It is also worth finding out who the governor with responsibility for SEN is, and having an informal chat - catch them at the school gates, or phone them up. Hopefully they will be determined and dilligent - providing you with a source of support.

(Ours wasn't, but got so upset at her inability to help us and other families that she took her children out of the school and moved elsewhere!)

As usual, you will have to walk that fine line between trying to get the best support for your child, and annoying the teachers.

I am amazed at how diplomatic I could be when all I really wanted to do was rant!

I wish you the best of luck with this situation.

socci .. that was out of order .. think you should re-read that post

another child removing your glasses and stamping on them is extremely distressing to a child .. whether NT or SN .. and also distressing to their family

surely you can see that?

ETM >. I agree with cod I would be in that office several times a day demanding the time .. make yourself a nuisance and get yourself heard .. you are not out of order to demand this ... the teacher was totally out of order in her reaction

re cowmad's comment "know its not your fault per say".

Please see my previous post re children not being properly supported in school, but parents being made to feel responsible for the outcomes of their clear signals that they cannot cope.

This perfectly highlights the attitude I was referring to.

I'm sorry but it is extremely difficult for a 5 year old to demonstrate the kind of empathy you are talking about unless there has been a proper education process in place and there is support at the time of the incident

and that's the crux of the matter

yes it is terrible for the child with ASD not to have the support s/he so clearly needs but it is also terrible for the other children .. and they are all so very little

5 year olds can be extremely understanding (I know mine is) as long as they have the right support and understanding of situations

are you sure the other parents know about the problems .. and actually understand the connotations

not everyone's a mumsnetter or has friends with children with SN .. not everyone understands the process

But this thread is about ETM and her child's teacher and I think the teacher was TOTALLY OUT OF ORDER and she is right to take it further

well lets just flip that then shall I socci

Today a boy in my lo class came up to him knocked his glasses off and totally destroyed them, it took ages to get him to accept his glasses and this hasnt helped tbh.
I know this boy gets tired and the mum has been in to ask for that little bit of extra consideration as he has had "fallout"at home,
but how do i get a new pair of glasses from this week?she didnt even ask if we would like her to pay for new ones!!
hopefully the teacher an parents can work this behaviour out cos quite frankly its unacceptable behaviour,tired or not...

this is how lots of people would veiw this i wasnt being horrible on my last post,i was trying to encourage earthtomummy to get back into the school and talk to the teacher involved...

isn't that the whole point though.
the school/teacher need to talk to earthmummy so that they can all work together.
I think it is terrible that the teacher didn't MAKE time to do it right away.

Which is what cowmad said... "get back to her an request another meeting and see if you can get the head to attend aswell [...] unless you want to be in the office several times again you clearly need to sort this out and you cant do this without the teachers support/help an i woulnt care ast head or not moving or not(blinkin cheek this is part of her job fgs)"

And cowmad's point about the compensation etc. was, I think, again that the teacher seemed to feel that just dumping the parent of an AS child with the parent of a child whose glasses had been deliberately broken was going to solve the problem, which it won't because (a) the two parents will be coming at the issue from completely different angles and (b) the real problem isn't about a pair of glasses but about appropriate support from the school. Hence the teacher's brilliant solution is going to cause more problems rather than resolve any.

And I say this as one who's disagreed quite violently with the style and content of cowmad's posts on a number of recent threads. But here she does seem to be trying to be supportive and helpful. The other parent is likely to be thinking "so who's going to pay for little Billy's glasses". And without some appropriate input from the teacher other than describing earthtomummy's DS as unpleasant and difficult then they are likely to keep thinking that way.

ssshhh or you`ll have all the teachers on here its coming up for half term an they are always a bit hysterical arond this time, cos they "soooo neeeeed their holiday"
maybe thats what was the matter with your teacher earth...she just soooo needed a sit down poor love!!

(sorry to hi jack but feel the need to explain...the thing i really hate about teachers is how they are always bleating on about how hard it is and how they really need their(dis-proportionate with the rest of the worlds workers)holiday.....aaahhhh well dont do it then!! teach.)
if its so c**p dont do it!!!

oh cowmad didn't know you were a teacher

(sorry for hijack socci sent you a post)