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WIll I have to spend my whole life elbow deep in excrement.. will my house always stink...?

58 replies

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 25/09/2006 17:39

This is a self-indulgent whine, I'll warn you now.. and worse still it's disgusting and graphic.. and because of that I can't whinge to anyone else about it. I can't even bring myself to whinge about this particular thing to the housing assocation (re our boring (for others I'm sure!) and chronic housing situation that gets worse by the month).. so I am having to post this or I'll explode..

I know there are other parents on here who have suffered with this.. and this alone helps keeps us (Dh and I) sane, knowing that other people have to deal with it too.. because initially and sommewhat irrationally I felt that nobody else anywhere had to deal with this problem from their six year old or older child. But it's the regularity of it that is getting me down. The problem being.. and I apologise for this.. stop reading if you're eating, the issue of DS2 (SN.. cp/developmental delay etc etc), gaining early morning access to the contents of his nappy and causing terrible and horrifying chaos with it.

It invariably happens on a Sunday morning, when DH and I, exhuasted as usual by six early mornings starts of 6.30am on Mon-Sat and of course all the broken nights because DS does not sleep through - ever, really... don't actually get to him to wake him up. (The rest of the time, the little sod is soundo by the time we need to get him up for school, havingb een awake half the night,.. so the scenario does not occur.) So Sundays, which have the potential to be a small and well earnt lie-in, instead become waking up to the nightmare scenario (usually informed of by our 7 year old DD) that DS2 has once again had a poo, got out of his pyjamas, got the poo out of the nappy and spread it all over the place, the saftey (dog) gate, the bedroom door, the wood of the bunk bed within his reach, soft toys, wardrobe door and of course the carpet.

DH and I just get up and on with it but it's a horrible way to wake up, really soul destroying. DH usually starts on the clean up and I dump DS in the bath and scrub at him over and over again, whilst running clean baths until the water looks clear. And brushing his teeth of course because he eats it.

He has been wearing all-in-one garments to bed for years now and we prevented it from happening for a while with this method, but now he has developed a pincer grip (which he didn't have before) he can get his clothes off if he tries hard enough.

This is DS1's bedroom too (he is 14) and I feel so so sorry for him! The smell lingers all week and beyond (until the next episode!) even though we disinfect and scrub everything in sight! The only good point is that DS1 is usually away at his dad's that night so he's rarely there when it happens. It's bloody miserable and I am fed up with it. Personally I find it the hardest thing of all with being mum to DS2 (who does have some lovely characteristics really, and I love him very much).. harder even (although less life threatening) than the terrible issue of trying to keep him in his car seat and from opening the windows in the car. Had a horrid expereince on dual carriage way this morning.. he undid the seat belt AND the special security (pill bottle type) cover to prevent him from undoing it.. undid the window and tried to throw out DD's booster seat. I was all over the road trying to control him and I am ABSOLUTELY NOT driving ANYWHERE with him anymore without anyone else in the car. I could have killed us both and other people.: I had to pull into a garage and cry for a bit.. and phone DH for ideas on news ways to restrain him for the rest of the journey. I was shaking like a leaf for 15 minutes. And he was raking at my face and pulling my hair while I was trying to trap him back in. It's no joke; he's so strong now.

So sorry for this whinge, really I am. But I have to let this out. Feels like this is what life is going to be all about, forever. And it probably is.

By the way, re the housing problem and the ongoing saga of our terribly-unsuitable (for DS2) social housing... I wrote a strongly worded letter to the Housing Association listing all the ways in which DS2's human rights are being breached -(got the idea from my course work in which I am revising about children's rights), copied and pasted large chunks of the Childrens Right's Act 1989 and put the Extremely Relevant Parts in RED itallics.. and sent a copy to our MP and TOLD the HA I was doing so.. and said I want a reply within 7 days or I am going to our local TV news programme (but I don't want to do that more than flying in the air.. in fact I'd much rather fly...!!)

Got a phone call the next day saying matter would be addressed within next few days.. and letter the next day with same info in writing. Am not naive enough to think they are urgently looking for a suitable property for us or anything that exciting (never had ONE offer in two years of being top of list with max points).. but at least I have been acknowledged for once. (I'm SleepyJess by the way in case anyone remembers our housing dilemma..)

Sorry for the rant. Feel marginally better for it tho.

OP posts:
FioFio · 30/09/2006 19:41

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Eulalia · 01/10/2006 14:24

Haven't read all the posts. I remember reading somewhere on the SN section about a special bed, sort of a contained area? Sorry not being terribly helpful and rather vague but I remember it being something that could easily be cleaned. I'll have a look if I have time.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 01/10/2006 18:36

Sorry I didn't update about the housing officer visit did I? Well the social services OT came too.. which was helpful.. and the visit was from housing officerS (in duplicate!) which I suppose was for her own protection in case I turned out to be some out-of-control violent, benefit-claiming alcoholic drunken minger type.. (give it time.. ) So there was quite a crowd of us!

Seems the 'new' details (from assessment re-done in January) were not being taken into account.. although this was not confirmed in so many words.. but apparently they were 'confused' as to why the original assessment was so different on paper from the January 06 one. I said 'well one call to me would have sorted that out.. I would have told you that the first assessment states what Alex really needs from a house.. but is never going to get unless we have a lottery win.. and the January 06 one was an 'and in the real world' type assessment aimed at getting us re-housed into something that would better suit his needs than this house.

She said they were wary of putting people into housing that is not really going to suit their needs.. I said I understand that but anything would be better than this and if it was adaptable then at least we would be moving forward. There was then a big discussion with the OT who was very good and I'm glad he came.. and in a nutshell I do at least feel that things are moving forwards at last.

They also 'toured' the house.. well.. looked at the DS's room and the bathroom.. and I took the opportunity to inform her about the poo scenarios (even though pride has made me go out and buy copious amounts of Shake n Vac so as to disguise) the vague lingering poo smells that had been prevailing all week).

Another thing which happened is that on Fri we had DS1's annual cystic fibrosis review at Kings College Hosp (he is seen every 2 months more locally but annually in London) and to my shock (being as DS is so strong and well) found out that his lung fuction is not really quite what is should be. This is the first time we have ever been told this so I am full of dread and so is he because he has avoided IV antibiotics until now (he is very needle phobic) and now it may be on the cards.. although may not just yet - (and IVs will of course not only scew with his head but also with his swim training scehdule which is the one thing that has kept him so well for so long) But they need to examine his blood work and cough swab to try and see exactly what's going on being as he is so very well in other ways.

Anyway, more to the point, whilst talking about infection risks, I mentioned Alex and the housing situation and both the Consultant and the Physio think the boys should have seperate rooms.. and NOT because of the sleep issue (as I have been pushing, although this IS relevant), but because Alex, although he doesn't have CF, is a very chesty child, esp. in winter and ideally should not be in such close proximity to DS1. He has also been known to grow a dangerous-to-people-with-CF germ in his EARS! (pseudomonmas) has he has a glue ear problem which crops up from time to time usually when he needs new grommets. They also want me to take him for sputum tests even though HE does not have CF, just to see what he is growing so as to assess the risk to DS1 each time. How the hell am I supposed to do that? Alex will not cough up sputum on demand.. and if you go near with him a cough swab (long cotton bud type thing used to poke back of throat in absense of readily available sputum) he will surely bite my finger off.. or puke.. which won't be a lot of help...!

So anyway, they are both writing letters. Which is good although of couse the housing assoc. are NEVER going to believe I didn't instigate these letters.. sigh. It's like a bad joke all this.

And just to finish off this depressing tale, (if anyone is mad enough to read posts that are this long), this morning was Poo Day, but I was clever and shrewd and put Alex to bed in a pair of DD's tights, as advised by lovely people on this thread.. with an all-in-one over the top. With the week we've had, DH and I were more exhausted than ever (and Alex of course had had DH up in the night and me up at 6am) and we slept until 9am. I awoke with a start, noticing how quiet it was, couldn't see Alex on the monitor that sits beside my head as I sleep, but was reassured that whatever was doing, out of camera shot, that he was all 'secure' in tights.. Alas, as I sat up in bed, the smell hit, and sure enough, there he was, watching tv sat in the corner of the room (DD had put telly on for him earlier), had managed to strip himself completely naked, (darn that pincer grasp he never used to have!) and has spread poo all over his bed, most of the carpet, the radiator, the window sill, the chest of drawers, ALL his teddies and had managed to open the chest of drawers and empty 2 drawers containing all his nightwear and DS1's underwear... and all of that was covered in poo too. Oh and he's eaten a good amount.. and it must have been some time ago because what was stuck to his face and all round his mouth had solidified..

Took 2 hours to clean up. Think this was the worse ever actually. Alex still doesn't smell 'right' even though I have bathed and bathed him and scrubbed in Softwash (most he can tolerate.. not really supposed to use anything but Dermol because of his eczema but's it's fragrance free so won't do on days like this.)

When we'd finished we felt so despondant that I said 'f* it, let's go the pub for dinner" so we did. Didn't think DH would agree. He's very depressed because his mum died unexpectly 4 weeks ago yesterday and he just can't get his head around it all. Am trying to get him to agree to bereavement counselling. I don't mean to sound selfish but I need DH back.. I am supporting him in every way I can but there is noone for me to lean on at all.. and things are so pants. Even my best friend, who I can always rely on, is so distraught about DS1's lung function (she loves him like her own and knows all his CF treatment by heart and always has) that I even felt guilty for telling her! I told her DH on the phone yesterday, actually when making arrangments to drop Alex at hers so DH and I could go and watch DS1 and DD compete in a swimming gala. (DH shouldn't have gone; he was so down he didn't speak a word; he wanted to be up North with his family where the rest of them were scattering his mum's ashes but they decided on the spur of the moment so there wasn't time for us to make arrangements to go..) and when we dropped Alex off before the gala, BF's DH said 'go and counsel her will you.. she's really stressed about this lung function..!' and I actually said 'Oh ok then.. but FFS.. who's going to counsell ME!" (rather childish I know..)

I think I may just have a nervous breakdown.. will check calendar to see if I can scehdule one for some time this week.. then get commited and taken to nice, soft, fluffy, secure unit by which time I will hopefully be beyond caring about any stresses occuring outside it.

Only joking. Obviously don't want to loop the loop.. but sometimes it seems like an easy option.

Sorry for length of post.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 01/10/2006 18:50

Honey, I just wanted to send sympathy in a rather flabby way, because like Issymum I don't have any direct experience but do want to say how incredibly sorry I am that you are in this horrific situation.

FioFio · 01/10/2006 20:03

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ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 01/10/2006 20:29

That would be fab Fio but can't do Monday or Tues.. can you email me? (still not got you in my new-new- address book)

OP posts:
FioFio · 02/10/2006 08:37

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milward · 02/10/2006 09:05

If I could come round & help you I would - I hope so much you get some good news.

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