WIll I have to spend my whole life elbow deep in excrement.. will my house always stink...?

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

This is a self-indulgent whine, I'll warn you now.. and worse still it's disgusting and graphic.. and because of that I can't whinge to anyone else about it. I can't even bring myself to whinge about this particular thing to the housing assocation (re our boring (for others I'm sure!) and chronic housing situation that gets worse by the month).. so I am having to post this or I'll explode..

I know there are other parents on here who have suffered with this.. and this alone helps keeps us (Dh and I) sane, knowing that other people have to deal with it too.. because initially and sommewhat irrationally I felt that nobody else anywhere had to deal with this problem from their six year old or older child. But it's the regularity of it that is getting me down. The problem being.. and I apologise for this.. stop reading if you're eating, the issue of DS2 (SN.. cp/developmental delay etc etc), gaining early morning access to the contents of his nappy and causing terrible and horrifying chaos with it.

It invariably happens on a Sunday morning, when DH and I, exhuasted as usual by six early mornings starts of 6.30am on Mon-Sat and of course all the broken nights because DS does not sleep through - ever, really... don't actually get to him to wake him up. (The rest of the time, the little sod is soundo by the time we need to get him up for school, havingb een awake half the night,.. so the scenario does not occur.) So Sundays, which have the potential to be a small and well earnt lie-in, instead become waking up to the nightmare scenario (usually informed of by our 7 year old DD) that DS2 has once again had a poo, got out of his pyjamas, got the poo out of the nappy and spread it all over the place, the saftey (dog) gate, the bedroom door, the wood of the bunk bed within his reach, soft toys, wardrobe door and of course the carpet.

DH and I just get up and on with it but it's a horrible way to wake up, really soul destroying. DH usually starts on the clean up and I dump DS in the bath and scrub at him over and over again, whilst running clean baths until the water looks clear. And brushing his teeth of course because he eats it.

He has been wearing all-in-one garments to bed for years now and we prevented it from happening for a while with this method, but now he has developed a pincer grip (which he didn't have before) he can get his clothes off if he tries hard enough.

This is DS1's bedroom too (he is 14) and I feel so so sorry for him! The smell lingers all week and beyond (until the next episode!) even though we disinfect and scrub everything in sight! The only good point is that DS1 is usually away at his dad's that night so he's rarely there when it happens. It's bloody miserable and I am fed up with it. Personally I find it the hardest thing of all with being mum to DS2 (who does have some lovely characteristics really, and I love him very much).. harder even (although less life threatening) than the terrible issue of trying to keep him in his car seat and from opening the windows in the car. Had a horrid expereince on dual carriage way this morning.. he undid the seat belt AND the special security (pill bottle type) cover to prevent him from undoing it.. undid the window and tried to throw out DD's booster seat. I was all over the road trying to control him and I am ABSOLUTELY NOT driving ANYWHERE with him anymore without anyone else in the car. I could have killed us both and other people.: I had to pull into a garage and cry for a bit.. and phone DH for ideas on news ways to restrain him for the rest of the journey. I was shaking like a leaf for 15 minutes. And he was raking at my face and pulling my hair while I was trying to trap him back in. It's no joke; he's so strong now.

So sorry for this whinge, really I am. But I have to let this out. Feels like this is what life is going to be all about, forever. And it probably is.

By the way, re the housing problem and the ongoing saga of our terribly-unsuitable (for DS2) social housing... I wrote a strongly worded letter to the Housing Association listing all the ways in which DS2's human rights are being breached -(got the idea from my course work in which I am revising about children's rights), copied and pasted large chunks of the Childrens Right's Act 1989 and put the Extremely Relevant Parts in RED itallics.. and sent a copy to our MP and TOLD the HA I was doing so.. and said I want a reply within 7 days or I am going to our local TV news programme (but I don't want to do that more than flying in the air.. in fact I'd much rather fly...!!)

Got a phone call the next day saying matter would be addressed within next few days.. and letter the next day with same info in writing. Am not naive enough to think they are urgently looking for a suitable property for us or anything that exciting (never had ONE offer in two years of being top of list with max points).. but at least I have been acknowledged for once. (I'm SleepyJess by the way in case anyone remembers our housing dilemma..)

Sorry for the rant. Feel marginally better for it tho.

Message withdrawn

It's ds1's (age 7) new party trick. Means we're frantically up and down the stairs after bed time because we daren't ignore any whine that may signify "i need to poo".

Sympathies. Mainly ds1 just wees everywhere, his bedroom carpet need to be burnt really. Will replace with something more wipeable.....

I know what yuou mean about it being better if you know someone else has to deal with it as well!

No advice, no empathy (the DDs are both NT and I won't pretend to have a clue that I know how this feels - we've all dealt with the odd bout of diarrhoea but my guess is that it's the regularity of this that is killing you) but shed-loads and shed-loads of sympathy and a bump to keep this up the list of Active Conversations until Someone Who Knows finds the thread and can give you some advice.

Someone Who Knows - Jimjams - has arrived!

Oh - I was given some all in one suits that ds1 won't wear- would they be any use for you (will fit 7 year old). CAT me if so, will be away until the end of the week, but would be happy to post on.

omg poor you

could you get a grant from the council to have all the carpetting taken up and laminate put down? I think they do give out grants for things like this (seem to remember someone with bad asthma and eczema getting this done)

at least then the cleaning would be easier

I will CAT you Jimjams, wow thank you.

When we get our move (!) and the DSs are not sharing a room anymore, DS2's will be lino and rugs I think because even laminate flooring would get ruined with the amount of cleaning necessary.

Thanks for the sympathy/empathy; either is welcome today thankyou.

What a total PITA SJ .

Just had to smile at a Juxtaposition-of-threads issue occuring on my threads-I'm-on list. There is this thread at the top.. and underneath, QofQ's OH SHIT! thread..

V.apt.

at least you can still smile, I admire that

mucho sympathy with this, we seemed to go throu the nappy emptying poo smearing stage forever, we have three with autism and they have all taken turns with this one, most embarrassing one being DS emptying a large lump of poo onto the top of health vistors shoe i only noticed it as she was leaving so i didn't tell her, would have liked to see her face when she saw it or when she opened her briefcase back at the office as DS had paid a lot of interest in it
the only way that we found that worked was....layers, nappy, pants leotard/swimsuit cycle shorts and more bathers, after a few trys they gave up trying....they then moved on to flooding bathroom & emptying shampoos and anything else.

Oh you poor things

Reading that I am close to tears for you

We had it with our DD for a while, not quite on your scale, but it was horrendous. I would be crying whilst cleaning DD up....just horrible

I really hope things improve for you all

SHPHH.
I have no experience of this, but remember reading somewhere about similar probs wth a younger child who had learnt to unzip. The advice then was to get a footless all in one and put it on back to front, with the zip at the back. Would require some contortion to get it off by self. I've been thinking about this and thought that one problem might be that the cut might mean that it'd be too high up on the neck at the front. But if you're desperate (you'd be a saint if you weren't) I suppose you could cut the back (front to be) and then sew the cut down in a vee for comfort. Would look odd, but might help. Of course you've probably already been there and done that, but couldn't not post as I can't imagine how up to here you must feel.
Take care and hugs]

Thank you. I do appreciate the replies.

Fio, sorry you are feeling shit, honey. I wouldn't be offended by the suggestion of DS going to your DS's school.. far from it! He is only in mainstream because it was an "experiment" to see if it would work.. and so far it is. They (thank God) don't have to deal with most of his crap (if you'll pardon the pun; I mean "behaviour" of course!!) and the terrible behaviour issues from before we went to BIBIC seem to not be a problem at school at the moment thank God. He is loving Y2 and his new one-to-one who is very laid back, lots of sense of humour (she needs it!) and says she LOVES working with him! (But then the school year is young...!) The main problems atm seem to be home-related ones. And his general behaviour is a bit pants.. he threw a toy at DD today and it hit her so hard on the head that I thought she had concussion!! Is your DD ever violent with your DS?

Thank you for replying. The downside of our occasional MN rants is that we worry each other, don't we, lol. By the way, I'm not hiding under this name.. it just amused me re 'shiny happy people' because I aint one! lol. I am still SJ more than ever.. because am struggling with revision for scary scary exam nexy month.. how is your course going? And please email me.. even just one word!.. because I have an almost empty email address book.. don't ask.. hard drive self imploded again...

Pooka, haven't done that actually.. might be worth a try. I have been avoided zip-up ones because they seem to only last a couple of months before he ruins the zip by tugging on them.. but if he was wearing backwards.. and I don't give a toss how it looks.. he has waivered the right to slylish sleepwear, little sod..!

Have to say it's a bigger prob in the summer/mild weather.. I can't put him to bed in anything he is too hot in as his thermostat is fault enough as it is!. I have 'summer all in one' type garments but they include shorts... and he can now access his nappy when wearing these with the greatest of ease..!

Yes the weather is a prob at the moment, isn't it. My ds likes to be all wrapped up and cosy but ends up sweating like crazy. Maybe colder weather and multiple layers like onlyjoking suggested would help him break the habit??? Think we should all send good vibes for a cold snap

Fio, meant your DD's school, obv. And pooka yes, multiple layers that include cycle shorts - or swim shorts like DS1 wear would do I think - may definitely be worth a try as it gets colder, thanks onlyjoking

We are having this problem with DS2 atm too - not on same scale or as regularly but I still find it v depressing. We have to use the layers trick in summer - short sleepsuit/vest + pjs over the top - and all in ones in winter. My difficulty is finding vests that button under the crotch for a 4 year old. Anyone know where I can buy them?

Have you tried an all in one swimming costume???

sphil - fledgelings stock the vests you're after:

fledglings

SJ - so sorry you're going through this, I don't have any wise advice to add, although can empathise on a minor scale as every time my dd's nappy comes off her hands are in there, poo and all. Hugs, chonky x

Moondog, have not tried swimming costumes as they have no legs.. and even with cotton shorts (summer all-in-ones) he gets his hands up and in.

Fio, you are very odd and paranoid.. .. but I love you! If ever I appear to be 'not speaking' (to you or anyone else!) it will be because I am scatty, stressed, disorganised etc etc.. I don't do 'not speaking'.. in fact, when I have Issues of any kind I say too much!! (And what Issues could I possibly have with you, you daft bat???)

Yes those cossies might work.. with a tshirt over the top as well - to slow him down on the zip a bit.. worth a try.. just not cheap as sleep wear. Little sod. Sometimes he's so awful, be it with a poo or other scenario, that I can't bear to look at him for a few hours.. then he'll do or say something v.cute and he melts my heart again. I suppose this is by biological design, so we don't neglect our kids, however bloody obnoxious they are!

Sometimes wonder if I would have made a good childless career woman!