Just hold my hand for a minute and tell me I am being silly

[Babieseverywhere]

Second SALT appointment with different but equally nice therapist.

She sees DS and says he has ASD traits and mentioned high functioning ASD.

She is recommending that we are sent onto a local department which will be the diagnosis path with a multi agency SALT, Outreach person and Comm Paed.

She also suggested finding another school. When I said how good they are with this kind of thing and how they got a ASD unit opening at the school this year ...she said they were 'best placed' not necessarily best in this area.

Just feeling a bit down. :(

I'll put the kettle on and be back in a second, with cake

Sounds like a good egg. I know it doesn't sound that great for me to say that I am pleased for you, but I am hoping that this is the end to your stress and the beginning of some sensible answers.

It's hard

You are on the right path though

She said if he is that anxious at school last year and he is still only in year two and things only get more pressured in the higher years.

DS was a bit rude with her. Refused to answer some questions and messed around a bit and tried to leave and talk over me.

I am very stressed and over sensitive about the entire situation. Especially as the MAGIC RUCKSACK has got him into school three days in a row.

DS told SALT lady that he hated school and was very sad last year but year two was nice.

But he is still having nightmares and stomach aches and told me he wanted to die again this morning. I know he doesn't mean it really but it kicks me in the teeth when I hear him say that.

Comm Paed appointment next week....

I remember my DS at a similar age and on a similar path. I found that time really tough - emotions that I hadn't known I was feeling bubbling up. At least SALT IS trying to help and if your DS is very anxious he will benefit from it, with a better setting or better support within the same setting.

Hi babies

Sorry for being out of touch. It must be very hard for you, but I am so glad that at last someone is seeing what you see.

Try not to worry too much about your DS being stressed and rude. If it’s any comfort, the child psychologist pushed every single one of my DS’s buttons during his assessment and he very nearly got thumped! The child-psych wasn’t bothered though - he just said “ooh I really touched a boundary there” And my poor DS was in a foul mood for the rest of the day afterwards – I should have kept him off school for the rest of the day but I didn’t and the poor lad had a massive meltdown when he got to school But in the long run it was worthwhile because in the end it did get him the help.

As troutsprout says, you are on the right path. This could be the first step towards getting your DS the support he needs in school (in this school or a different one!) that will make him feel much more comfortable in the end.

Feel for you babies

What you are doing now will benefit your Ds later on.

As another poster said, school gets harder as they go through.

Good luck

I feel sad and empty, which is silly as I pushed for this appointment hoping for a result.

Onwards and upwards...I have a glass of cider to keep me company while I get a grip.

no need to get a grip, it is a horrible feeling, having it confirmed that your child is 'different'

it's like it's ok for us to say that, our perogative as parents and all that, but for a stranger to agree with you...

i'm breaking out the gin to you and your fabulous DS, Babies

You're an extrondinary and wonderful mum. No-one puts themselves through such punishment and fear for a laugh.

You have enough experience of the woefully inadequate system by now that I should imagine your expectations of it are realistic meaning that when you are out of limbo-land, or at least 'somewhere' you'll be able to accept and move fast with whatever outcome is thrown at you.

You've done an incredible amount of groundwork already. Your child is in extremely good hands. I know that will never take away the hurt you feel for him and worry but his odds are massively stacked in his favour simply by having you.

As for your own mental wellbeing, I can say with certainty that this is the most horrific part of the process. I've been through wars for my child and still believe that when I met that information void, all my worst fears poured into it.

Slowly I filled that void with manageable chunks of factual information and much of it was encouraging.

You can do it, and you will.

Thank you.

Guess I will be patient and see what happens at next weeks appointment.

I feel terrible. I am such a bad friend.

I had a bad school run DS had a meltdown as he wanted a particular treat for Friday's break and I had forgot to buy it.
He is still not sleeping, therefore I get no sleep either. Still has 'stomach ache' and now his leg is hurting too, sigh. But he got up school.

4yo DD2 wanted to stay home the first week of school was too long for her. So she refused to walk, she was in the pram. 2yo DD3 refused to go into pram and was walking on reins and DD1 held her hand.

Got to school and passed DS with hurting leg in one door. Peeled DD2 off and handed her weeping to her teacher. All the time listening to DD3 screaming as she was outside with my friend.

I was so upset that DD2 was getting upset at drop off just like her brother did at that age.

I am tired and overreacted and got upset and my friends walked me home and listened and I feel a right cow. DD2 getting upset on top of DD3 screaming and DS and all the appointments and no sleep.

Worse the friend I off loaded onto has a child with SN herself and going through a sticky divorce, she doesn't need me moaning too. :(

No, I have listened to her worries about her daughter and exH but in my heart I was jealous of the support the school give her.
..that is mean of me. Or is it envy? I always gets them muddled up. I was happy she was getting support but upset we didn't get any. :(

She was so lovely and helpful...I didn't deserve that :(

that's how we all cope though, by sharing with people who understand, like you're doing here, with us now

often when we share with other adults, especially ones who are in similar situations, we are hoping they will be able to help, by sharing their experiences in return, and offering real advice, not just a shoulder to cry on.

it's ok

you're not a crappy friend or anything else you're telling yourself

you're just looking for help

I am so worried we have the Comm Paed appointment. I asked for it and waited 10 months for it, yet I don't want to go...how silly is that.

I don't think I am coping, when I cry a lot, I wonder if I am breaking. It is not right to cry at the drop of a hat, is it ? I never use to cry.

i call a day when i haven't cried a good day, they do get more frequent

i know you're quite confident posting here on MN, and that's a good thing, but are you in touch with other parents locally, ones who are going through similar process to you?

Life is really quite tough for you - don't downplay that, especially not to yourself!

Friends are there for each other despite what is going on in their own lives. All you can do is muddle along together, doing what you can for each other, listening, hugging and sharing or . There are always going to be times when you are listening to someone and quietly thinking 'I wish that was my biggest problem' or 'Yes, I feel for you, but frankly you don't have it that bad compared to me' - and sure, it's not always 'nice' but it's perfectly understandable & normal!

Denial is normal too. You know you need to go to the apt, but you are scared, it's only natural.

I am feeling more level now.

I do visit one social asd group but though I am made to feel very welcome, I do worry that we are taking someone else's place.

You know what? DS had support other people were envious of (someone so much they reported me for all edged benefit fraud ), but the support was given due to blood I had shed. Any friend of mine got my passion for them to benefit from my my learning in order to save them at least a little blood themselves. It made my own bloodloss seem less wasteful.

What horrible people to report you Star

yes, it makes sense to share support and learn from each other.

What I meant was that when friends earlier in their journey seek me out for a rant or a moan I feel privileged. However I have been surprised at their assumptions that I am very busy, or that they must be bothering me, or their insistence at telling me how much they appreciate my help.

I am busy, but not too busy to help where I can. I don't feel bothered and I don't do it for appreciation (though it is nice). I do it because the system is god awful and I care very much that others are spared what I went through, for the sake of their children.

If anything I have to hold myself back from jumping in with solutions or from making suggestions that are further down the battle line than they are perhaps ready for. Sometimes for that reason I just listen.

Your friend I bet, will not be thinking anything at all about the way you acted.

You certainly help many posters here, including me :) Thank you