Just hold my hand for a minute and tell me I am being silly

[Babieseverywhere]

Second SALT appointment with different but equally nice therapist.

She sees DS and says he has ASD traits and mentioned high functioning ASD.

She is recommending that we are sent onto a local department which will be the diagnosis path with a multi agency SALT, Outreach person and Comm Paed.

She also suggested finding another school. When I said how good they are with this kind of thing and how they got a ASD unit opening at the school this year ...she said they were 'best placed' not necessarily best in this area.

Just feeling a bit down. :(

Aw thanks. It means a lot. I don't think I'll ever get over the shit that was dealt me, but working to save others from even just a bit of it really helps me deal with it.

The system is slow, clunky and virtually unfit for purpose. We are lucky if we find a friendly guide to help us through it !

Just had DD3's hearing test, which went well after I dragged her out of the play house and carried her under my arm screaming into the test room.

DD3 did very well. She was much quieter and more cooperative than I thought she was going to be. Still threw herself around a lot and shouted a bit. The testers commented on how active and loud she was.

Good news. No glue ear. Ear pressure good. Good hearing at high pitches. Probably good hearing at lower pitches.

Less good news No glue ear (DH & I were hoping this would be present and would explain her ignoring us and not talking yet)
Further appointment to recheck lower pitches.

It looks like DD3 is hearing us and ignoring us. Oh well, still plenty of time to start talking on her own. Even SALT don't take children until 2.6yo, so it must be ok to be non verbal till then iyswim.

Also not seen DS's SALT report back yet. I was hoping dreading to read it and take it to his Comm Paed appointment tomorrow. Oh well, two more post deliveries to check and I am worried what she will have written. So maybe it would be best if it doesn't arrive too soon. As clearly sticking my head in the sand, will negate anything written in the report

Off to get a brew and try and not think about tomorrow.

oh love. sounds a very tough time.

Thanks :)

Plus today, DS magic rucksack is losing it's appeal and we struggled in again. :(

I am so nervous at the moment....why are we going to see the Comm Paed. There is no SALT report, what is going to happen with nothing to discuss :( The school questionaire showed board line no issues...arghh.

Tbh I don't know.

Not sure. She pretty much seemed to dismiss everything by saying the 'school don't see that' She talked about CAMHS and SCIP referrals and went for the latter in the end
..another 4 month wait :(

SCIP is the panel to discuss social communication problems in children.

But she said TEN times but the school don't see anything.

She doesn't believe us, she sees very little (except DS ignored her every time she called his name and wouldn't give eye contact)

So the panel consists of

1. Comm paed who doesn't believe us
2. SALT who does believe us
3. Outreach lady who has already done an assessment which ruled out help at school but did result in IBM.

I am very upset....angry with the school. They punish him daily last year and then deny any issues.

Four more months of suicide threats and school refusal in my totally normal child.

School didn't see any issues with my ds even when he had a diagnosis, and full-time statemented support.

His subsequent 2 and a half years in a special school must have entirely in my imagination........

I just feel like I am failing him.

At least he IS getting an Ed Pysch visit as I put an statement request in.

I have to go back to this same doctor in four weeks with my two year old and I don't see the point as she is identical to DS but younger and safely with me.

What do I do tomorrow ? How to I keep DS feeling om when he hates school so much ?

Unless you've been through it, you'd never believe a bunch of obviously bitter, cynical, obsessed and worse-for-wear parents (well, that's me- obviously the other geese have no psychological issues and perfect hair/nails/feathers/clothes/manners ) over your well-dressed, clipboard-wielding, dedicated, professional, hardworking, polite, qualified teacher and respected LA expert colleagues.

If you were then told that almost everyone employed by a local authority would routinely and repeatedly describe seriously disabled children with obvious ongoing problems as having "no issues"... And that misrepresenting, fabricating and falsifying evidence is very close to being the norm... well, it would just seem so very unlikely as to be completely unbelievable.

Everywhere I go people (doctor, dentist, hairdresser, SIL) ask what is wrong with DS :(

Yet school see nothing !

How can that be ?

If only I knew. Maybe too much training cooks the brain

Am thinking of parenting the Meir Postman Diagnostic Screening Test Instrument (if your postie knows there are major SEN & can make a good stab at guessing which one, you can bypass panel )

It is ridiculous that the school's opinion is so important in an medical setting. :(

If I thought my child had Asthma and went to a doctor. Would it be acceptable for them to withhold treatment until the school saw him wheezing. ?

No, of course not, so why ignore a struggling anxious six year old until school 'see' a problem.

The cynic in me thinks, they don't 'see' a problem as they are not looking ....it is cheaper that way.

Another morning, another stomach ache for DS :(

That is not a cynical opinion but a rather accurate one.

I understand the NAS have been unable to credit a single school in your LA, if you're in the one I think you are.

These other people who ask. Is there anyway you can get a written submission from them?

www.whatdotheyknow.com/request/the_individual_assessment_of_ear#incoming-508346

Babies, download this document and fill it in. Make sure you give it as documentary evidence. It is crude but should help a little. (Hold back on saying your child can do things if they can't. It is for early years really but that should show that he is way behind in some developmental areas.

Documentary evidence will eventually override the school. Swimming instructor should submit something as I think you said they have concerns.

Bloody paed should be used to school denial.

www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/understanding-behaviour/behaviour-common-questions-answered/different-behaviour-between-school-and-home.aspx

Take a download of this document too. It doesn't prove anything, but it does show your determination not to be fobbed off.

Hi babies everywhere

Correct me if I'm wrong but what is it your son that has a specific speech impairment? If so, are the therapists thinking that it could be autism?

Sorry I haven't replied to your posts.

Just trying to regroup a bit. I was really thrown by the brisk unfriendly manner of the Comm Paed abd her utter faith in what the school says.

A friend of mine (with SN child of her own who helped me Friday when I was in floods of tears) complained to the head master as she was disgusted that I have been told by the Senco, it is normal to have a threatening sucide school refusing 6yo child and to wait for him to outgrow this behaviour.

She prompted him, to invite me to a meeting, attended herself and told him to do something. (Bless her) She also told us both that the CAF that has been in place for 8 months, should have meetings every 8 weeks! There has not been one. She also reminded him about calling in Ed Psyc.

Head master is going to look into things but stressed the school had done what they should have iyswim.

When I left the meeting, I found DS's teacher from last year had collected our children in the waiting area.
Ironically teacher was trying to talk to DS. He was talking to the ceiling and floor. Plus he was spinning around, walking away from teacher and climbing on sofa whilst this 'conversation' was going on.

I wanted to shake her and say look at what he is doing...but she does not 'see' anything wrong. Sigh :(

Swimming teacher was another poster. I has to take DS out of swimming lessons, as he completely ignored the teacher but she would just say he was naughty if asked.

DS left school really upset on Friday according to DH. :(

Bearing in mind that DH usually minimises stuff, if he was worried that DS came out if school very upset, on his own and red in the face...it must of been bad iyswim.

Apparently he wasn't allowed to bring the craft work he had been happily working on all week home.

I am guessing his was chosen for the wall....but knowing how unhappy he is at the moment surely he should be able to take his home. DH said most kids came out with theirs today (only a few examples go on the wall to be returned at the end of term)

I am torn between asking for it Monday and not bothering as the damage has already been done abd they don't understand anyway. :(

The first post was earlier in the week. I just wasn't in the mood for posting at the time.

Babies, you need to spend your energy cutting to the chase.

Have confidence in yourself and what your child needs, and then go all out to get it.

You are a very believable poster. You have a genuine history before all this madness.

You cannot allow doubt to creep in (and you need to curb your anger and/or feelings of impotence). It is not your fault the system is shite, and it isn't personal to you. All over the country there are parents like you, with stories like yours, - and I suspect a good number live in your county, some even attended the same school as your child.

These people, these disbelievers are not important. You don't have to convince them, you just have to shove them out of the way if they are not helpful. In a few years time they will not remember your child's name, and yet you will be living with the fall-out of their incompetence, and so will your child.

Keep your eye on the eventual outcome, consider your options, and never give up.

This is (sadly) normal. In many areas, the official response to SEN in general, and to ASD-type behaviour in particular, is to say it doesn't exist and the parent is deluded. Fast forward 5 years, the school will still claim all is fine&dandy, but the NHS will have belatedly noticed the abnormalities, and, most probably, have made the right diagnosis.

My inner cynic is even more cynical than Star's. I think some areas may aim to drive healthy mothers into mental ill health, as it then takes an extra few extra years to prove a child's problems are inborn, rather than family issues.

If the relationship between paediatrician and LA is close, they will undoubtedly be influenced by the apparent professionalism of those they deal with, and be inclined to believe them. This doesn't mean they're colluding, but can mean means their judgement will inevitably be affected.

This is meant to be something parents do. I know it happens and is very dangerous when it's a child abuse issue. But in real life I've only ever seen it from certain professionals- they do it exceptionally well, and challenging it is extremely difficult. I post it here just to help you see you're not going out of your mind.

Gathering data is helpful. Keeping evidence of every contact. Concentrating on being utterly reasonable. And sometimes the answer is removing yourself from the influence of people whose integrity cannot be relied upon.