If you have an Aspergers child…..

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Do you find you have to explain everything at least twice to them?

I mean simple things in everyday conversation like,

"We'll stop for lunch soon and get some sandwiches",

becomes "We'll stop for lunch soon and get some sandwiches. Because it's 1pm which is lunch time. Are you hungry? (Yes) Well we'll get some lunch then. Would you like something else for lunch? (no, I like tuna sandwiches) Well, shall we get some then? Because it's lunch time. It's 1pm. 1pm is when people eat lunch. Yes, you can have a tuna sandwich. I know you're hungry, shall we get some lunch? EAT THIS TUNA SANDWICH!!!!!!!

I have been told dd is pretty bright and only mildly ASD, but sometimes she seems to not get the simplest of concepts. Perhaps what I wrote above is not the best example, but just having a conversation in the car as a family is impossible because everything has to explained so many times, and justified to the nth degree.

(have just had a 5 hour car trip and am exhausted in more ways than one!!!)

Yes. Psychiatrist has given a ASD diagnosis fairly recently. She said dd is "mild, but significant", so can be described as having aspergers. Also traits of ADHD, but not as a stand alone diagnosis.

Keep it simple and wait for an answer. We often say Child's name to get attention then a simple question. Do you want a sandwich? Yes or No? Leave longer than you think you need before trying again.

Don't be tempted to give a longer, more complicated explanation for her when she questions.
Constant questioning or checking is her looking for reassurance that the answer is always the same. Keep the answers brief and simple.

I don't think I wrote down the conversation above very well. After each of my sentences were questions from dd prompting my answers. It wasn't just a long winded answer. It's as if she needs several pieces of information to understand the concept that lunch time is coming up.

I can see now in writing this down, that it's her processing skills that are poor.

One thing that was funny though, was me and dh explaining what the word 'inane' meant to our ds, and dd piped up "are you describing me?"

We try and give all the relevant info in one short, unambiguous sentence.

So "we are going to stop and have lunch at the next service station in about 10 mins" rather than "how about stopping for some lunch soon".

Sorry, pressed post too soon.

Then follow up with answers as to what sort of food there might be, but always aiming for unambiguous answers.

Yes ds1 has aspergers. He has processing problems. Sounds like this fits. Ever had a speech and language assessment? Ds1 has had a few but now he's 8 the latest one has been the most interesting and he came out just on 2nd centile for a few things. It was enlightening and a bit of a shock for school who always say he can but he won't!

Thanks Jerbil.

DD has speech therapy, but I don't think she's ever had a proper language assessment as far as I know. Interesting. I'm seeing psych this week so might mention it.

Must go, as dd has been quite for 5 mins - and we all know that means trouble!!!!!!

Sorry, didn't come back to this. My DS (10, AS) has just had a formal (private) SALT assessment which also showed that he was WAY down on some of the language processing scores. It is a bit depressing but at least goes some way to explaining why he doesn't pick up all the information he needs in the same way as other children.

My son is 15 and still has problems with this kind of communication. His expression is very good and he gives an impression of understanding the conversation and taking it all on board, yet later it will become apparent that none of it has sunk in.

He went into a right strop last night when I served our meal because I'd had the audacity to give him sirloin steak instead of sausages ("It's Saturday! I always have sausages on Saturday!"), even though we'd discussed it at length earlier in the day and he was looking forward to the steak.

He's always rather offended that we've let him down .

When we're in the car and HFA DS asks 'how long 'til we get home?' I always have a think and try to give as accurate an answer as I can, like 'I think it will be about twenty two minutes and thirty three seconds'. He seems to like that, even if it's wildly out, and will often go quiet then, which is when I know he's counting in sixties in his head ...

Yup! Got two. We have to say their name, wait until we have their attention, then tell or ask them something using very unambiguous language if we want them to understand and respond.

That said, my eldest, who also has a co-morbid diagnosis of ADHD, was noticeably the worst of the two but has now started Ritalin and is much more 'with it' so I'm not sure where the AS finishes and ADHD begins. Both can work out the most complicated maths problems but have problems with very simple day to day stuff.