DD2 has just BEGGED me not to send her to school

[lougle]

She's had the most lovely time with her cousins - a sleepover then a day out with them. But it transpires that they've been telling her not to suck her hand in the last couple of days, as do the children at school, and the teachers at school.

She's just begged me to be a 'home learner'.

The saddest thing was when she said 'I really want to learn at home but I'm worried that if I do miss my friends I won't know the way to their houses when they invite me over to play.' The truth is, she doesn't have any friends to be invited to play with. She associates with the other children, but none would be 'friends'. That's why it was so precious to go and spend time with her cousin (same age, same year group, same school, different class).

It kills me to hear her distress and I know that she knows we keep ignoring her pleas. I can't work out if we genuinely think it's the best for her (she is a child, after all, so we can't let her unilaterally make decisions), or if we're just chicken.

Tbh I think she'd just say 'I'm a home learner now.'

This evening I was puzzled because she hasn't appeared anxious about her home work. I causally said "we'll have to do your homework tomorrow, DD2." She looked completely confused and said "Why????" I said "because it needs to be fine before Tuesday." To which she replied, with a withering tone: "no, I'm a home learner now."

She's not going to be impressed when we say she had to go to school on Tuesday.

We're in two minds over that, too. DH (Mr 'clean lines') thinks she should keep going until the end of the school year. He has some quite good reasons, actually:
-the Ed psyches suggested some adjustments and the school needs time to try them (a prompt card for what dd2 needs to include in her written work; playing 'guess who'in her ELSA time to help her recognise faces more...woop de woop; so radical )
-we have the TAC meeting next Monday and they need time to respond to that.
-Fresh start from September.

I'm really proud of him because he normally doesn't think about things that are complicated and just leaves it all to me.

However, I (Mrs make-a-decision-then-do-it) am more minded to take her out now sooner rather than later for these reasons:
-it would give us time to explore the 5 HE groups and work out how the work and what suits DD2.

• DD2 may start making the beginnings of friendships and will have more time to 'deschool'before the holidays when her sisters will be home again.

-She'll be able to join in activities over the summer holidays, rather than only just meeting people. -She hates school so why would she want to spend any longer there than she has to? -In September it would just be a continuance of what we've been doing. If we wait til September we won't be sorted until Christmas.

I think we'll probably compromise on half term.

Sorry I've missed all this lougle I've been away this week.

Such a tough decision but I've always maintained your very aware of your DDs needs so I know you'll make the best decision. I've seriously considered I may need to HE DS for secondary years.

As an aside when you attend the TAC meeting it may be worth while informing them you'd like to do an IPA. We are doing one with DS and it's a thing in Hampshire. (Not sure about other LAs)

www3.hants.gov.uk/sen-ipa-parents-2009.pdf

Thanks, youarewinning. I don't think an IPA is even remotely possible/helpful/useful here because she isn't even on an IEP that I know of.

It's all begun. I've just got her to bed after 2.5 hours of trying.

Ds and I did a sort of pros and cons tombola for HE, before we deregistered.

I typed out all the things I could think of that would happen under HE, good and bad, cut them into strips and folded them (tombola-ticket style) into a bowl. We made a game of picking them out and laying them out on the floor, according to whether they were good things or bad. The aim was for ds to have a realistic picture of what HE would be like, and there's be no illusions.

I think from about 50 or so possibles there were only three or four negatives and he was happy with that. Decision made .

I also tried a planned exit with a named leaving date, but it wasn't to be. The day after I informed the school of our intentions, I was called in to collect him as he'd 'kicked off again', and we were escorted from the premises and told not to return, which just added to the pile of evidence that we were doing the right thing.

Well last night she revealed that at some point lady half term she moved from circles group to triangles group in maths, which means she doesn't get TA help. She says her teacher does maths which is far too tricky.

I think you'd do a much better job for her than the school. You could do with someone professional observing her 'before' and 'after' the transition, though, in case you decide to re-enter the system later on.

I know there wasn't a big pot of money for private ed psych/SLT etc. Might a few sessions with, say, a tutor work out? They cost a lot less, and (generally) don't put official backs up much, cos every pushy parent has one. And 'dyslexia' tutors tend to be good at recognising unhappy children, working below their potential and acting oddly at home. Spotting 'something being badly wrong at school' is a transferable skill.

You're all very encouraging, thank you. Especially as I'm not much use on the board right now.

Today has been tough. She had a massive meltdown over her homework (research the appearance, habitat and diet of a nocturnal animal and write a paragraph for each subheading).

At one point I thought we were beyond salvage, as she ripped into my 'ridiculous' suggestion that she could turn her accidental lower case 'b' into an uppercase 'B' by just overwriting it. She yelled at me that 'capital Bs are not meant to be cursive!'

In the end I just dictated two sentences for each subheading. Not the point of the homework but I'm past caring.

Then she pushed DD3 into the climbing frame, hard enough that she had an instant purple bruise on her abdomen. Just as I was giving her a cold compress, DD1 came in sobbing that DD2 had pinched her on the thigh. Hard. So another cold compress for her as she bruises so easily.

DD2 said that she just can't control herself and she feels like she must punish her sisters

I'm dreading the morning. DD1 has a new bus driver and is desperately sad that her old one has left (his company lost the tender to continue the service).

DD2 is completely stressed and wants to 'be a home learner. FROM TOMORROW!!!' I've told her that mummy and daddy are still talking, that it's a big decision and that she must absolutely do get best at school while she waits for us to decide.

It doesn't matter if she does her best there anymore. She's leaving, and she doesn't need a reference for her new position as a home learner .

The decision is made, she's been interviewed and accepted, and she's just working through her notice period, till they calculate her accrued holiday pay. They won't see her for dust once the innovative start-up she is joining finalises her start date. Small delay caused by last-minute minor difference of opinion between the CEO and the director of strategy and operations.

Hahaha! Yes, but part of the exit strategy must include a re-entry contingency, which makes keeping a good attitude to teachers essential. Especially as DD3 still goes there and we will be there daily.

But have heard that the innovative start-up offers bespoke education packages for very reasonable prices. They offer geocaching and photography as part of the curriculum, too.

[Grin] technical talk!

This morning was hard. She didn't want to go and wasn't going to dress, etc. Then she wanted us to drop DD3 to her classroom first and was clinging to me saying she was shy.

But then her teacher said hello, made a fuss of her hair looking longer and she gave her lovely smiles and trotted into the classroom

Yes we have an ipad. I'll look that up, thanks.

Moon sand sounds great!

It's great when you find something that ticks their boxes

Is moon sand the same as moon dough? that stuff is banned from my house but I may steal the idea to try out at the AS Club.

Anyway I just wanted to say that I am now officially home educating not one but two DC! it's been a good day and we have had lots of fun 'doing archeology' This actually involved digging in lots of mud (DC) and collecting fossils and stoneage weapons (sticks and stones) to be transported back home (by me obviously) for identification (google)

DC have been very happy and so am I and I think that is the most important thing for us right now. Also i noticed that they haven't been fighting to much and at times were actually quite nice to each other long may it continue!!!!

How has your DD been today, lougle?

Thanks for the recipe!

ouryve she's been up and down. She had a 'fine' day at school, boosted by the fact that there is a new climbing frame in the playground. She said she still wants to learn at home, though.

Later, she said the only good bit of her day was the climbing frame (I'm fairly sure that's an exaggeration, but I'm taking it as an expression of her dislike of school in general) and she demanded to know whether DH and I had made our decision, while fluttering her eyelashes at me.

Mum has babysat tonight and DD2 was asleep when she arrived. Mum says that she appeared to be sleepwalking at 9.45pm, but was quite indignant with Mum when she asked if she was sleepwalking. She stayed up for about 15-20 minutes, sucking her hand, but Mum managed to get her back to bed.

My dd2was utterly frighteningly awful last night. Had me close to tears. First day back today. Good luck with working this out, Lougle, indeed you are the innovative startup she needs. I'm sure she'll thrive with HE if that's what you decide.

Oh I hope she's settled today when you pick her up, Handy.

DD2 has started fluttering her eyelashes at me and giving me a coy smile, while saying 'pleeease'.