Ideas please for a happier school drop off

[Hedgyhoggy]

Ds in recept is hugely upset at school drop off. I've tried staying and playing with him, sneaking off, running off the only time I've had success is with distraction (oh look what's in this bag...ahh it's a mouse...ow it bit me see if it will bite 'TA'). Realised that may sound a little random but hopefully you get my drift. TA's do try to jolly him along but he is invariably screaming and clinging to my leg. He is nearly 5 with gdd so his understanding is at a 2 yr old level, he doesn't understand delayed reward. Running out of ideas, he likes to take things into school to show them, this morning he had a meltdown because he wanted to take his fishing net(just too dirty and pokey). With an older ds and a baby need to come up with a plan that I can easily organise and that he understands. Any ideas or things that worked for you would be hugely appreciated.

Forgot to say, he is happy at school in the main. Settles after 10 mins but can get emotional again in the afternoon when he's tired. He is only part time at mo but is to be retained and start recept ft in sept.

Is there anything that DS particularly likes?

I used a plastic cleaned out beetroot jar with my DC. They got a reward for their jar when they did what I needed - with us it was not licking vehicle wheels for DS so he got rewarded when he passed a parked car without licking it. I can't recall what DD was rewarded for.

He desperately wanted a marble run so he got a marble each time. He loved to get the marbles and play with the ones in his jar: it was very tactile. We made it easy for him to earn marbles and when the jar was full he got a marble run.

DD collected red post office rubber bands; her choice. She collected them and eventually swapped them for a disposable camera. It worked for them.

Perhaps you could use something similar to motivate your DS? He might be keen to go into school and show the TA what he's earned.

Thanks Levi you've inspired me.

Glad to hear it. Hope your plans work!

does he like stickers? could he choose a sticker as he gets out of the car to put on his top and then go into school to show them?

or choose a sticker in the car to put on a chart in the classroom

Ds has never gone into school happily. It's heart wrenching at times . Crying, clinging, following me back down the path. 4 years on Ds goes in earlier than everyone else and takes his nintendo Ds with him, has 10 mins play on it before rest of class come In. Before that he used classroom computer but as it often took 5 mins to log on or wasn't free to use this idea stopped working. Whatever the special interest is it's good to try and use it to help get to school / settle at school.

We have had a lot of success with DS going in straight to his classroom 15 mins early and meeting his TA there (he then usually does sensory activities, but before this was implemented he used to have a "special task", same every day, to "help" his teacher) , instead of lining up outside with everyone else. I also did a social story with him a while back about the school drop-off, which seemed to really help.

DS is 7 and has SPD, ASD and high anxiety (including at times quite severe separation anxiety and school anxiety). On bad mornings it can take several adults to physically separate him from me, and it's horrendous; but thankfully we havn't had one of those for a while. He still has loads of anxiety about school in the mornings but we tend to be able to calm him down by the time we actually get there so the goodbye moment is ok.

On a different tangent , how does he cope at school and what help does he have ? My son is two with gdd and we are debating ms school against sn school.. He is super sociable and his understanding is good but he can't walk independently or talk very much . We have been to visit a few schools and only one seems keen to have him

Thank you for all of your ideas. I've made him a bag for his favourite people album and he was really excited to take it in on Monday. Intending for us to Choose different things to put in to show to ct and friends which also gives a nice visual prompt for our social story. Also they are making sure the computer is on for his arrival. Was still upset at dropoff but not the having to be carried in screaming level. Early days but feeling positive.

Bishboschone ds is in a small rural school where the nursery and reception are taught together in the mornings. He has a statement for 20 hrs 1:1 and some great support from two special schools for his motor skills. He is also to be retained a year, starting reception again in sept. He is still in nappies and sometimes smears but it just wasn't an issue. Like your ds he is very sociable, he just seems to attract people and he does seem to have a little fan club at school. I considered ss but the particular class he would be in had a lot of moderate to severe ASD and I felt considering his social skills being an area he is good at that it wasn't right at the time but it might be something we consider in the future. I rang around some ms schools and several noticeably changed their attitude when I said he was sn, couldn't put the phone down quick enough. Still learning the whole sn thing but if I can be of any more help just ask x. Forgot to say that once we have the school dropoff meltdown he does enjoy it...he is very enthusiastic to show me what he's been doing.

Thanks hedgyhog.. How did you get the funding in place? I'm so confused how I go about this . He is having his eparym meeting today and I think this is the first step to getting a statement .. My son doesn't start until next September but I need to apply this year and want to have everything organised for him as we are moving in August too.. The school I have seen that is fab is exactly as you have described and the head was soo supportive unlike others I have visited .

If he is in nursery lots of evidence of individual education plans and reviews. If he is not in nursery or in an education setting it was my experience that when it comes to gdd it's tricky to get the statementing process going though other mumsnetters might know some tricks. For a statement they seem to want evidence that even though you are doing x he still isn't developing at the rate of this peers. We were lucky enough to have the eysenco refer him to ed psych at age 2 who was very supportive. She made very thorough assessments, referred to some excellent professionals, made some brill recommendations for us, was really on our side. I don't know if we were lucky but it really wasn't a fight at all to get a statement. He didn't receive it until he was 4 but he did receive some additional funding for part time nursery at 2. What is 'eparym meeting'?

Early years something or other .. He has been under two peads from birth as he was prem too. Also has a geneticist as he has some duplications shown up after gentic testing . he currently goes to ms and sn nursery as a joint placement , he is doing great at both.. It's quite laughable that i have to prove it's not be that's holding him back.. I have spent the last almost 3 years as him as my job.. We do stuff everyday all day long I get him to walk and talk .. It just isn't happening.. He can go to the sn school but as he is so sociable I don't think it's right for him. A lot of the children are aggressive and don't talk and that isn't going to help him talk and learn social skills .. I soo want him to talk .. Thanks for the advice .

Sound like you are doing everything right. Your thinking is the same as mine regarding ss. He had about 20 words at 2 but is saying 3/4 word sentences now though comprehension is still at 18 monthish level. He is a bit of an enigma, I sometimes have to remind myself just how much he has come on but it sometimes feels like a very long slog. He is a delight (most of the time-but aren't they all)

He sounds so similar to my ds. Can he walk ? If so when did he walk ?

Took first independent steps at 26 months, now nothing stops him but he does have a wide toddler gait and falls quite often but he's a toughy. Delay in motor skills due in part to hypermobility.

Interesting .. Has your ds had genetic testing ? My ds walks with a walker or one finger but I think it scared a lot of schools off .

Previous genetic tests found nothing awaiting results for further tests carried out recently. Sounds like he is close to independent walking...fingers crossed it happens soon.

Thanks .. I hate waiting for tests results .. It sends me a bit loopy .. I'm afraid of the ddd study for this reason.! Hope you get answers or not however you feel x

Don't know if it will help but a Transition object? a small teddy or toy from home.

My Ds was very similar so I gave him a keyring with a picture of us both on and he kept it in his pocket which seemed to work with the odd wobble.