Help with behaviour, please! Hitting / impulsive .

[mrsbaffled]

DS2's behaviour is really wearing me down at the moment. Every day he gets into trouble for the same things. Automatic naughty corner for hitting/kicking/pinching etc, yet he always seems surprised when he is put there. I always warn him that if he does xxx again then he will go in the naughty corner and check he has heard me, but he can't seem to help himself and does it again, then gets cross he is in trouble... 'I forgot' or 'you didn't tell me'.... Then it escalates to rude name calling and 'you're the worst mum in the world', shouting, more hitting etc etc.
I just don't know how to get out of this cycle....he is fully aware of the consequences and I am 100% consistent.....
Help!

He is 6 with Tourette's. I think some of it is tics (punch ticcing), and perhaps some of it is impulse control issues. But how do I deal with it?

Whether it's an impulse issue or a tic, punishing him isn't going to make it go away. You need to find a way to re-direct that impulse - hold and massage palms of hands, turn the hit into a hand clap or banging a rhythm on a cushion (gives the same feedback to him, but doesn't hurt anyone) or whatever it takes to take the steam out of the urge to hit and the resulting anger at being stopped.

Does he respond well to positive reinforcement? If he does, then give him a clear reward for putting a check on an urge to hit eg a marble in a jar or a sticker on a chart, which can add up to a reward. If he needs something more immediate then stock up on cheap crap that he can collect, eg top trumps cards that he can build a collection of.

If he's doing it to someone else, then take him away from where they are - if he wants to see them, he can try again when he can be nice about it. DS2 tends to go for me a lot (he's pre-verbal and has very limited understanding) and I find it easier to keep a lid on if DH does the job of taking him away and re-directing/re-modelling his behaviour, then he can't turn it into a fight or a game with me.

Thank you - that is really helpful. Not thought about it like that before. Yesterday he took his frustration out on the dining table. I didn't like it, but you are right - it's better he hits the table than me or his brother.

Thanks, Polter. I have bought that book, so will try to get through it when I can.....

It feels more of an impulse thing, than anxiety. More like ADHD?

I spoke to him after school yesterday and he agreed to give the clapping thing a try. When I could see the impulse arising I encourage him to clap. He did so. It was very funny as he was stood there clapping vigorously saying ' it's not working! It's not working?'. He didn't feel instantly better, but at least he didn't hit anyone it was nice to have a whole day where he didn't get into trouble x

Since he's quite young, one book that might help him to learn to recognise the feeling leading up to hitting out and "tame" it is The Red Beast. It's in a picture book format, so suitable for younger primary school age kids and encourages the use of a squeeze ball to redirect behaviour. The focus of the book is more to do with taming temper outbursts, but the principles are pretty much the same as for more general impulse control. It's something you can use in conjunction with Ross Greene's problem solving approach.

Thank you

The Red Beast was amazing for my son when he was 6. He is still aggressive sometimes but it made a real difference. Definitely worth a go