Meeting with head today

[Skylar123]

I have a meeting with Ds head teacher today. Ds hasn't been to school for nearly 3 weeks . I need to get my Ds back into school what can I suggest we do to help this. Ds is driving me crazy at home now. He just point blank never wants to go to school again! He doesn't help himself , for instance I have given him the choice to go to a library club once a week at school, he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to go to playground either. He chooses 'none of them' he has 9 sessions a week for groups of 2:6 children to help and support him yet we are now at the point where he won't go in. He panics , cries, heaves, hyperventilates. What on earth can I do to get this kid back to school and be happy there. SA applied for.
I know the head will tell me he is fine once he is here, story of the school since nursery. Obviously I know he isn't 'fine' whatever they think that means.

You're asking the wrong question.

You need to ask the headteacher what can the school do to ensure ds wants to go to school and wants to stay at school.

If you manage a rare chance at getting him in, how can they ensure that his needs are met sufficiently to allow you to build on this and increase the chances of you being able to persuade him to try again?

You must make it clear that you will not condone any abuse of power that risks harming your child emotionally, and you will not be party to any suggestions like this.

Yep when ds wasn't able to attend, I asked what additional support he would receive IF I managed to get him there. The answer was none.

Thanks star and claw.
Oh it's all looking rather bleak!
Autism advisory is coming in today to observe him I'm hoping to still see her anyway whether he is there or not.
Tbh I feel like I'm expecting too much from the school, they obviously can't meet the needs of a subtle yet very complex child. I'm thinking perhaps mainstream isn't the way forward for Ds, something I never thought I would say.
I'm feeling sorry for myself right now it's just that complete helplessness I feel .

Find out what time the Autism Advisory person is going in and aim to get him there for then if possible. You can then make a note of all her attempts to help and demonstrate they are ineffective (if they are).

You don't get a SS because you give up on MS. SS is something you have to fight hard for with evidence of severe failure of the highest level strategies first. And you have to be able to demonstrate that the reasons are purely school based otherwise how will you get him to attend SS?

I know star and I'm pretty sure his reasons are school based. Will keep ploughing through. He is happy to do other things and his anxiety is far more severe during school term time.

Sympathies skylar. I have neither DD (9) or DS (11) in school at the monment. Both HFA, both severe anxiety, DD also selective mutism Leaving aside DS for whom we are waiting for a CAMHS appointment to try medication, we are going through much the same with DD who is Y4.

DD is too anxious to go into the classroom now. I spent a week just 'visiting' the school with her - going to a side room and sometimes only managing to get her as far as the school porch. Now HT has agreed to give DD 20 minutes TA time 3 days a week and I am going in and staying with the DD and the TA for that time. HT thought DD would just go back into class having had her 20 minute session with the TA - she won't and is nowhere near ready to. She is just beginning to interact with the TA but with very limited non verbal communication and certainly no speech. (DD used to talk to this TA).

I have applied for a statement for DD too and have just put in an appeal against refusal....

I have to say the autism advisory teacher was no help. She didn't get to observe DD because she was no longer in school. I had a meeting with her and the HT - it became a 'plan' to force DD back into school giving her 10 minutes with a TA first thing, then no other specified support because apparently DD isn't anxious once she gets into class... I refused to do the plan and after a week of 'negotiating' we ended up with this 20 minutes for 3 days a week plan. (Actually at the session today I found out that the 4 days a week sessions had been dropped to 3 days.... )

So as star puts it I don't think we can demonstrate 'severe failure of the highest level strategies' yet, but how much longer can DD's school get away with failing to provide enough or appropriate support to meet her complex needs, to the extent she is not receiving an education ?