I kicked her

[lougle]

Today I kicked DD2.

I'd had an awful morning - DD1 had got herself stuck down the side of DD2/3's bunk bed at chest height, with just one toe on the windowsill. DD3 had dissolved into tears because DD2 got dressed before her so was the 'winner'. DD1 got a shock from getting stuck and was a complete mess so we were running late.

It was 8.20 and DD1's bus comes at 8.20 then we need to hot-foot it to the school. DD2 had, as usual, completely blanked what she needs to do to be ready for school, and was sat on the sofa using the IPad. I asked her to ready herself. She ignored me.

I had my hands full of lunch boxes, book bags, etc., and I used my free hand to take the IPad from her - by this point she'd had 3 requests to turn it off, all acknowledged by ignored. Instead of letting me remove it, she started to tussle with it. It was precariously close to flipping in the air.

I raised my foot off the ground and kicked her just above the ankle I can't believe I did it. I don't think it physically hurt her (she didn't show any signs of it and I would say it was a 'tap' if that didn't seem to be trying to minimise it - I'm not minimising it, but an accidental kick would be much harder than the kick I did...if that makes sense).

I apologised straight away. I told her I'd lost my control and I shouldn't have done it.

Anyway. Roll on tonight and she says that she had to do her 'feeling chart' at Dragonflies this afternoon - they draw in a 'blob' - and she drew a broken leg and a broken arm in hers, because Mummy kicked her on purpose. She said that the others had to raise their hands if they'd ever had that and she told me that I should have 'had a breath'.

She told me that she didn't tell them why, or what happened, or anything else. Then, she pointed to her knee, where just below there is a bruise (browny colour, not new) and said 'that's the bruise!'. So goodness knows what school thinks of me now.

Thank you

It was much better this morning. DD2 had a few moments but DD3 was a delight and DD1 was ok.

It's ok if only one, or even two, have wobbles. It's when all 3 are up the wall that I don't have enough hands to deal with it all.

Hair's on my essential list, tbh. If they don't have their hair brushed then it looks neglectful. If it's brushed but not up they've broken the school rules. If they leave it down they'll get nits, which is a much bigger job than putting their hair up!

Oh, we have a 'destination station' Star - It's a unit in the porch where book bags/coats/lunchboxes go. The issue isn't so much organisation as 'not enough parent for the needs of children'.

It's just the stage we're at. DD1 is 8 - a typical 8 year old would be able to get themselves pretty much sorted independently, but she can't. DD2 is 6, but gets completely absorbed in whatever so needs prompting. DD3 is 4, and is so independent, organised, thinks ahead, etc., but has 4 year old emotions.

Nothing to add to everyone else's wise words, and indeed your own.

Just a hug because you're a great person who's always there for everyone else.

Polter yes, DH works split shifts, so he leaves the house at 06.40 and is out until the girls are at school, then leaves the house again at 14.45 and is out until 18.15 - he's a school caretaker.

zzzzz "Can I ask what happens if you are late?" - We're not late. Ever. It's non-negotiable. DD2 has had to go 'in through the office' twice since starting school. Once when my car broke down and once when she refused to go in the classroom door because an unfamiliar teacher was there.

School open the doors at 08.50. School official 'start' is 09.00 - but that's the 'sitting down on the carpet and ready for the register' start. Phonics starts at 09.05 and the children are spread across the whole of the school, so they really do have to be ready to go, because they may be going to the classroom furthest from them for phonics (it's set across the whole of the keystage according to ability/stage).

I don't see the waking-to-school time as a list of 'get out the door in time' jobs, but with the three children as they are, I have to be on top of the game to get them out the door and I see being on time for school as a massive priority.

At the beginning of year R I had DD3 in meltdown over sock seams. I simply carried her into school with bare feet and handed her over to the teacher with her socks and shoes. I then ordered seamless socks to deal with the issue, but that day, at that moment, nothing could be done.

If I let her, DD3 would have made us late for school on at least 20 occasions. I had to make the rule that we would not be late for school, for DD2's sake as much as anything, and that means that if she's half-naked when it's time to leave, that's tough. She's realised I mean it so she is motivated to be a bit more reasonable.

I may not think school is necessarily the best thing for all children, but I do think that if I am going to send them to school, I have to support the school by demonstrating to the girls that the school rules are important.

bluebird thank you.

Thank you zzzzz - I hope your today was better than your yesterday.

I think the reason I'm so rigid about being on time is three-fold:

1. My Mum was always late and it got so that her parting line each morning, by the time I got to secondary school, was 'tell them it was me...'. It's all very well, but it didn't cut much ice and I remember how awful it felt to be the one who was always late.

1. DD3 is smart and I mean incredibly smart. If she senses even a glimmer of 'give' she will take a mile. One late day would soon lead to never ending list of excuses why we can be late.

1. They get up at 5-6am. We don't leave until 8.20. They have plenty of time to play, get ready, etc. It shouldn't be a rush, so if they feel rushed it's their own fault for farting around.

You're right though - the absolute bottom line is that if necessary I'd be late or even tell school they wouldn't be coming. I just don't think it's necessary right now. I want to maintain the 100% attendance/on-time so that if DD2 does collapse, it will be very clear that something is very wrong rather than simply an extension of lateness/absence.

Hiya, I've read bits of this and felt so sorry for you. You had a bad morning, you feel bad and it was really brave to be so open about it on a public forum. Just a few thoughts and ignore them if you think they are crap! Could you reward her with five minutes on the ipad if she does all the getting ready first? Maybe use a timer for her time on the ipad so she doesn't kick off when it's time to switch off. So she's ready, coat, shoes on and bag ready etc. Now five mins on the ipad, switch off and go! Even if you are running a teensy bit over, you know you can leg it once that five minutes is up. I know the feeling about mornings, my little man goes on bus and then we have about five minutes to get my 10 year old to school, he messes about with his ipod when he should be getting ready, we rush out the door and he looks blankly at me when I ask him if he's got his bags, that kind of thing! Luckily his school have said if we are ever late due to the bus, they will let it go but like you, I like to have him on time because even if school don't mind, I'd hate for him to put up with the other kids saying ooh you're late again. Anyway, it's Friday, have a nice weekend and there's only one week til half term!!

I once took a hysterical phone call from a student on a home visit whose parent had kicked them. Got the student calmed and got the parent's side - student had attacked parent, parent used their foot to push student away.

Point being, a decent school will know exactly how much salt to take these things with...

lougle My DCs get up around 5am too, and you'd think "oh 3 hours - no worries." But it's frustrating sometimes how many days I'm hustling them along at 7:50 getting them ready to leave for school run. Everything goes along swimmingly and it seems like 7:30 is "everyone fall apart and lose everything, take bags apart, run around like headless chickens" time.

lougle most of us have done things we are not happy about but let him without sin caste the first stone and they are lying. you are a brilliant mum XX

Am same here Lougle late for school is not an option. When dd2 was in YR I dumped a half dressed, apoplectic dd2 kicking, screaming and unrestrained into the back of the car, marched her through the playground and dressed her at school in the visitors toilet.

She knows I mean business.

Just seen this. You know your a brilliant mum who happened to have a rough morning.
It happens.
You've thought about it and thought how to change things.

Nothing more you can do.

I read this thread yesterday. I have to say that I was surprised.
I felt is was all very softy softy and sympathetic to lougle. Which is right.
But not one really told her off. No one came on and really had a go at her , how dare you kick her, this is abuse etc.
I'm only saying. There always seems to be some sort of such post. But there was none this time.

Gets right on my nerves when sanctimonious people come on, saying 'abuse, abuse'.

Do I'm glad it wasn't that!

But I thought the balance was missing. The balance of posters, not being soft and supportive. But coming down hard by saying that kicking is just so very wrong.
As we all know it is.
Not that I can judge. I grabbed ds1 by the shoulders once.

its definately a good thing that no one came on to point out that kicking is wrong / abuse etc lougle is obviously an excellent mother , doing her best and obviously doesnt need telling any of that .
I think lots of us have slipped up like that when under such stress , hope things are better today lougle

lougle knew that it was wrong, unacceptable and shouldn't have happened.
That was the message within her first post. She got it, she gets it.
So what would the point be of focusing on that, instead of recognising it and helping her think of alternatives in a non-judgemental thread?
If she regularly lost the plot and kicked her children, or thought that it was acceptable, then she'd need a different response.

I think no-one reprimanded because most of us were absolutely gutted for her, not because we think it was okay. Lougle was clear enough in her post that she upset about it and never once sought justification or an excuse nor did she solicit one.

There was really just no need to go there.

Just seen this.

Oblomov, you're absolutely right. The kick, by the way, was only a kick by definition of my foot leaving the ground and making contact with her leg. There was no redness, no bruising, or any other ongoing pain. It's because I'm a good mother that I was so gutted and remorseful and posted here.

If you'd like to report me to social services, you can do so by calling 0845 603 5620 - that's the number to report child welfare issues in my local area.

Feel free, by the way. I couldn't care less.