I kicked her

[lougle]

Today I kicked DD2.

I'd had an awful morning - DD1 had got herself stuck down the side of DD2/3's bunk bed at chest height, with just one toe on the windowsill. DD3 had dissolved into tears because DD2 got dressed before her so was the 'winner'. DD1 got a shock from getting stuck and was a complete mess so we were running late.

It was 8.20 and DD1's bus comes at 8.20 then we need to hot-foot it to the school. DD2 had, as usual, completely blanked what she needs to do to be ready for school, and was sat on the sofa using the IPad. I asked her to ready herself. She ignored me.

I had my hands full of lunch boxes, book bags, etc., and I used my free hand to take the IPad from her - by this point she'd had 3 requests to turn it off, all acknowledged by ignored. Instead of letting me remove it, she started to tussle with it. It was precariously close to flipping in the air.

I raised my foot off the ground and kicked her just above the ankle I can't believe I did it. I don't think it physically hurt her (she didn't show any signs of it and I would say it was a 'tap' if that didn't seem to be trying to minimise it - I'm not minimising it, but an accidental kick would be much harder than the kick I did...if that makes sense).

I apologised straight away. I told her I'd lost my control and I shouldn't have done it.

Anyway. Roll on tonight and she says that she had to do her 'feeling chart' at Dragonflies this afternoon - they draw in a 'blob' - and she drew a broken leg and a broken arm in hers, because Mummy kicked her on purpose. She said that the others had to raise their hands if they'd ever had that and she told me that I should have 'had a breath'.

She told me that she didn't tell them why, or what happened, or anything else. Then, she pointed to her knee, where just below there is a bruise (browny colour, not new) and said 'that's the bruise!'. So goodness knows what school thinks of me now.

[Oblomov]

And.
I'm sorry.

[Oblomov]

1. I know exactly what mnsn is . Thank you. I have been very supported over the last 10 years, so please don't patronise me by telling me what mnsn is like.
   
   
2. I never accused lougle of abuse. I never said I thought it was abuse.
   Show me where I said it was. Nope. Didn't think so.
   I didn't think it was abuse. I never said it was. I think people are too quick to trip out the abuse comment.
   
   Someone normally does. I was just saying that I was surprised someone hadn't. I was surprised lougle hadn't been given a harder time.
   
   I've certainly Been accused of , and given a much harder time of most if my threads.
   
   You should have seen what I got, when I first started a thread in parenting, before I even knew that what ds had was called SN.
   
   Lougle has posted on some if my threads. I appreciated her advice then.
   
   And I never said she was a bad mum. Or that SS should be called. This is all way ott.
   I never said she was 'very very bad'.
   
   I admitted I, have done all sorts if things I shouldn't have.
   
   And I'm really sorry I posted on a thread that was days old. It came up on my list. Sorry about that.
   
   Maybe I need to take a break from the SN section.

[youarewinning]

ob I think the difference and 'balance' as you referred to it as is not going to appear. This is MNSN. Where we all understand and empathise because we 'know' what its like and also 'know' Lougle. She was gutted and kicking herself (pun intended) and we were supporting her in practical ways to change the mornings and look at how it occurred.

In fact when parents type this kind of post in chat or parenting I am often horrified at some of the abuse screams. If a parent posts here its for support - and takes a hell of a lot of courage to post what happened.

We are all humans and should never judge another human for acting in a way we all could if caught on the hop at anytime.

[Oblomov]

Agreed. I'm sorry. Best leave this.

[MothratheMighty]

This isn't going anywhere good people, and for no sensible reason.
Other than a knock-down, drag out fight with hurt feelings and misunderstandings, what do you think the end of this is going to be?
Lougle, is your DD2 still remembering your momentary loss of temper, or has it been swallowed up by the joy of half-term and heart-shaped jam tarts?

[Oblomov]

What?
What the Heck do you take me for?

[lougle]

Aren't like what? What do you want me to say?? Do you want me to say 'Oh yes, sorry about that Oblomov...perhaps you'd like to go onto AIBU and drum up some interest in this thread from posters who will tell me how awful I was.'

[Oblomov]

Wish I hadn't bothered!!
I'm been disagreeing with people all day, re the wetaugust thread, saying SN boards aren't like this.
I'm starting to look a right tit now.

[lougle]

I'm sorry, Oblomov, no I don't know. You posted on a thread that was 6 days old, querying why nobody had accused me of abuse and told me what a very, very bad person I was?

Was I meant to read that and think that you didn't mean that you thought it was abuse and that you thought posters had been too 'softy softy and sympathetic'?

I've given you the response I felt was fitting:

-I've acknowledged that you are absolutely right
-I've given you the number you can report it to
-I've told you I couldn't care less, in case you were in any doubt

I can't think of anything I left out there.

[MothratheMighty]

'But I thought the balance was missing. The balance of posters, not being soft and supportive. But coming down hard by saying that kicking is just so very wrong. '

But she already knew that, and made it clear from her very first post, didn't she? So what would be the point of stating the obvious agan and again, instead of saying yes, bad, what will you do next time this situation arises?

[Oblomov]

Reign it in lougle. That wasn't what I was suggesting.
Don't start on me. I had more than my fair share if ss suggestions. And that wasn't what I was suggesting. And you should know that.

[lougle]

Just seen this.

Oblomov, you're absolutely right. The kick, by the way, was only a kick by definition of my foot leaving the ground and making contact with her leg. There was no redness, no bruising, or any other ongoing pain. It's because I'm a good mother that I was so gutted and remorseful and posted here.

If you'd like to report me to social services, you can do so by calling 0845 603 5620 - that's the number to report child welfare issues in my local area.

Feel free, by the way. I couldn't care less.

[StarlightMcKingsThree]

I think no-one reprimanded because most of us were absolutely gutted for her, not because we think it was okay. Lougle was clear enough in her post that she upset about it and never once sought justification or an excuse nor did she solicit one.

There was really just no need to go there.

[MothratheMighty]

lougle knew that it was wrong, unacceptable and shouldn't have happened.
That was the message within her first post. She got it, she gets it.
So what would the point be of focusing on that, instead of recognising it and helping her think of alternatives in a non-judgemental thread?
If she regularly lost the plot and kicked her children, or thought that it was acceptable, then she'd need a different response.

[thriftychic]

its definately a good thing that no one came on to point out that kicking is wrong / abuse etc lougle is obviously an excellent mother , doing her best and obviously doesnt need telling any of that .
I think lots of us have slipped up like that when under such stress , hope things are better today lougle

[Oblomov]

Gets right on my nerves when sanctimonious people come on, saying 'abuse, abuse'.

Do I'm glad it wasn't that!

But I thought the balance was missing. The balance of posters, not being soft and supportive. But coming down hard by saying that kicking is just so very wrong.
As we all know it is.
Not that I can judge. I grabbed ds1 by the shoulders once.

[Oblomov]

I read this thread yesterday. I have to say that I was surprised.
I felt is was all very softy softy and sympathetic to lougle. Which is right.
But not one really told her off. No one came on and really had a go at her , how dare you kick her, this is abuse etc.
I'm only saying. There always seems to be some sort of such post. But there was none this time.

[youarewinning]

Just seen this. You know your a brilliant mum who happened to have a rough morning.
It happens.
You've thought about it and thought how to change things.

Nothing more you can do.

[Handywoman]

Am same here Lougle late for school is not an option. When dd2 was in YR I dumped a half dressed, apoplectic dd2 kicking, screaming and unrestrained into the back of the car, marched her through the playground and dressed her at school in the visitors toilet.

She knows I mean business.

[2old2beamum]

lougle most of us have done things we are not happy about but let him without sin caste the first stone and they are lying. you are a brilliant mum XX

[AliceinWinterWonderland]

lougle My DCs get up around 5am too, and you'd think "oh 3 hours - no worries." But it's frustrating sometimes how many days I'm hustling them along at 7:50 getting them ready to leave for school run. Everything goes along swimmingly and it seems like 7:30 is "everyone fall apart and lose everything, take bags apart, run around like headless chickens" time.

[PurplePidjin]

I once took a hysterical phone call from a student on a home visit whose parent had kicked them. Got the student calmed and got the parent's side - student had attacked parent, parent used their foot to push student away.

Point being, a decent school will know exactly how much salt to take these things with...

[OneStepForwardTwoBack]

Hiya, I've read bits of this and felt so sorry for you. You had a bad morning, you feel bad and it was really brave to be so open about it on a public forum. Just a few thoughts and ignore them if you think they are crap! Could you reward her with five minutes on the ipad if she does all the getting ready first? Maybe use a timer for her time on the ipad so she doesn't kick off when it's time to switch off. So she's ready, coat, shoes on and bag ready etc. Now five mins on the ipad, switch off and go! Even if you are running a teensy bit over, you know you can leg it once that five minutes is up. I know the feeling about mornings, my little man goes on bus and then we have about five minutes to get my 10 year old to school, he messes about with his ipod when he should be getting ready, we rush out the door and he looks blankly at me when I ask him if he's got his bags, that kind of thing! Luckily his school have said if we are ever late due to the bus, they will let it go but like you, I like to have him on time because even if school don't mind, I'd hate for him to put up with the other kids saying ooh you're late again. Anyway, it's Friday, have a nice weekend and there's only one week til half term!!