DD2 and homework - any thoughts?

[lougle]

Following on from PolterGoose's vids, I thought I'd upload the videos of DD2 doing her homework. They're quite long, so I don't blame you if you don't watch it all, or any!

takes just under 20 minutes to produce 'We were going to the shop today because we needed to buy food.'

It has her more erratic outbursty reactions.

was 12 minutes to produce 'Who are they? They look funny.'

It has her more 'happy flappy' behaviour.

I'd love any observations/comments/views, if you are bored and have the time.

Yes, maybe we need to structure it more-DD2 quite likes a 'deal', so perhaps if the deal was 'one sentence, written on scrap paper, then treat, then adjustments, then copy into book, then treat', she'd go for it.

Your poor DD2. I really recognise her 'I can't do it' panic in both myself and my DS, although he's only 5 so thankfully homework is fairly optional at the moment.

You're right that it shouldn't be so difficult to think of a sentence with 'were' in it, but the homework is asking for loads of different things as well as that, and I think that's partly what your DD's struggling with.

I wonder whether breaking the task down into really tiny parts would help e.g.

What does 'were' mean?

Think of a sentence using 'were' (maybe pre-write a selection of words on paper and cut them up separately to give her a starting point)

Then worry about connectives and expanding the sentence if necessary(you could also have a selection of connectives written out)

Then write it out in rough

Then think about capitals, full stop etc

How long do you get to do the homework, can you spread it out one sentence a day, or would that just make the anxiety worse?

Thanks, they're all useful ideas.

DD2 woke in a blind panic this morning, so we had to do her reading task. she made me laugh, as always. The question was: William was going to be a runner, but decided he'd like to be a camera man when he grows up. what would you like to be when you grow up?'

DD2: I'd like to be a postmanlady

Yes, she'd love to make her teacher laugh. I'll suggest that to her.

Dts1 ASD 5.10, has severe anxiety relating to his ability, he has such unachievable expectations from himself that he gets nothing done. We certainly don't put any pressure on him, nor do school.

It was devastating watching him, he would be in sheer panic over writing something down right, he would start hitting himself in the head calling himself stupid over and over whilst proclaiming he would be sent to Mr Head Teacher. It would then result in terrible outburst with screaming and sobbing. I decided no more and we stopped, I perhaps let this go on longer that I should have done which I deeply regret looking back.

He has been having weekly sessions with CAMHS and in recent weeks we have reintroduced homework slowly at his pace and if he doesn't want to do it we don't, simple as that. If ds isn't able we try and fit some work in on various apps we have on his iPad and I then write a brief summary for his teacher to explain this.

The only way to engage ds is by offering rewards of his choice and by giving constant reward breaks throughout the task. This still isn't plain sailing, but much better than before. May be worth a shot

In contrast dts2 loves school, it all comes easily to him, is in the top set in his class, way ahead with numeracy and literacy, is always very happy to do his homework and more. He doesn't have ASD though, which is a constant reminder to me just how debilitating ASD can be.

I've a child in Year 7 who can hardly bear to write anything any more as it he associates it with so much stress and "corrections". We scribe most of his homework and school accepts as the best way to express some of his ideas.

He is beginning to feel freer to put his own words down on paper now. The school environment has been so much better for this than homework where we were worried about letting him give in mistakes. The school have provided more intensive learning groups where he is not expected to hit the same targets as everyone else and it is at his pace. He has a average to above average IQ, but ASD.

He went through primary with very few anxieties (enjoyed life in classroom, learning stuff, being with others), and they only really kicked in by Year 4/5 academically when we began to correct his work and he began to imagine himself stupid.. The result has been catastrophic, in one sense as he now refuses to even start some pieces of homework on the basis that they will be wrong.

He has dyslexia we have now discovered, and had not really understood any of the phonics when he did them in Reception. He still doesn't really get them. He may never get them in a conventional sense. Yet he can read pretty well. The sentence you just started that video with, would have been utterly beyond him in Year 7 let alone year 2.

I found that video very upsetting but it is a scene replicated in houses across the country with parents getting increasingly upset, let alone the poor children. Show it to your teacher, and DEMAND that your dd is not given these ridiculous targets. Just ask her to say a sentence. let her dictate it to you. Then write it out. Ask her to copy it if she wants. If she doesn't want to, write a note saying you thought of lots of sentences eg: but you stopped the homework after 20 minutes. JUST DO IT. you may find she starts writing in class, and then the next step is, she writes at home because she chooses to.

Scribing really really helps to kick start ideas, in some children, when the pressure of writing is taken off. Then writing might follow.

I was very good at writing from age 4. I used to write little story books. I could read without phonics, I just understood, like that! I used to be so bored by the banded reading. It is so difficult to comprehend what it is like not to get the "obvious".

I disagree with Borka's comments.
The homework should be something the children CAN do by themselves. Perhaps a tiny bit of guidance.

If your dd doesn't know where to start, you should not have to teach her. The school should know that she is having difficulties. They should be helping her to do these steps.

Otherwise what is the point of school??????? What you have described is a full on tutorial session in the use of connectives, past tense, articles, prepositions. Given by parents. There must be loads of parents that are not able to offer this sort of specialised help in the use of the English Language.

The homework is meant to reinforce something they already know, OR to research something they are about to cover.

And I love the book "Borka" btw! One of my favourites from a child.

Personally I agree with swanhilda, I am not a teacher and dont feel that it is my job to teach Dd3.

My attitude about homework is unpopular I know but I just dont see the value. When a child is stressed they are not going to learn anyway.

I had to try to teach Dd3 how to work out volume the other day!! It was ridiculous, she didnt have a clue but wouldnt take it back to school unfinished

Yes! Exactly, PolterGoose. DD2 hears vague messages said to other children and decides it applies to her.

The teacher is helping with this, a little, by saying 'all the groups except circles, I want you to do x, y, z. Circles, you don't need to do x, y, z part of the homework.' (e.g. homework to estimate number. The children in circles don't have to work out the difference between their estimate and the actual number).

My big problem, though, is this:

At some point, some when, somehow, DD2 is going to have to learn this stuff. I can wade in and protect her from stressful homework. I can tell the teachers she won't be doing it. After all, what can they say, really? There is no law that compels her to do it and no law that they can enforce it. But, at some point, she will have to do it.

The big problem in my eyes, is that she is more than capable of writing a sentence with the word 'were' in it. Or 'who' or 'any'. The issue isn't this homework. It's the anxiety that comes from having to do any of it. It's totally out of proportion to the difficulty of the task. It's not a rational stress in facing a difficult task - it's an irrational reaction to something very simple, which becomes insurmountable.

I am sure that she is finding the same things a problem at school. She's just displaying it differently. Examples being the day she completely failed to copy down a three word title from the white board. The day she got all of her maths problems wrong, and when I asked her what the trouble was, she said 'there wasn't a trouble, but I couldn't decide whether Dragonflies was better or Mrs H's club....'. When I said 'but you were meant to be doing maths....' She said 'Yes, I know, but it was too tricky to decide so it took a long time. Don't worry, I was thinking quietly so I didn't disturb anyone.'

She's deteriorating before our eyes. DD1's carer said today that almost every time she sees DD2, she's 'worse'. She sees her every week. She's behaving more eccentrically at school - odd walks, coat like a cape, coming out of class with her cardigan pushed up and wrapped on her head like a turban, waddling, making 'cool dance moves' with her eyes closed and a bizarre expression on her face, etc. Perhaps it's a combination of that and the fact that her peers are growing up?

Oh! I used your suggestion, PolterGoose and DD2 completely loved the idea of 'making Mrs X laugh'. Then she told me the sentence she had chosen to write (the key word was 'any'):

'Any jokes today, Mrs X? Is it because you like to make me laugh?'

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Dd3 seems quickier now than when she was little because when they are little they are all a bit quirky and fussy and fly off the handle at the slightest thing.

I think that your Dd's quirks are effecting her life in a significant way and her misunderstanding everyday situations is causing her stress. When is the Ed Psych going to see her??

Quirkier not quickier

Oh gee polter that has just panicked me, if Dd3 social/emotional level is 2/3's her age, that means I am sending an 8 yr old to secondary in September, makes me very

I am seriously concerned about it. As far as getting to school I am really lucky that I work virtually outside the back gate to the school, so that is one less thing to worry about.

Is that information about social/emotional development written down anywhere ?? I could include it with my tribunal stuff !!

Once again lougle sorry for hijacking your thread.

It's not a hijack

There is no such thing as hijacking here - it's just meandering.

See, DD2 can cross a road...technically. She can tell you what you need to do. She can do it. IF the task is set out to her. If it isn't, she doesn't really even register that the road is there. She'll stop at the kerbside, if she notices it, but she's just as likely to wander across the road, sucking her hand. So she's that strange mix of 'capable' but not 'consistent' or 'reliable' or 'safe'. Yet, if she was with a school group and they were all told the task, she would do it.

DD3 (4.9) is scarily reliable, safe and competent. She instinctively looks both ways to see for traffic, even if I am holding her hand.

DD1 (8) is...variable. She can with prompting stop and look, etc. She's totally unreliable though.

@meandering.

Dd3 just stops at the kerb and stares into space.

It took me yrs to get her to stop reliably and now thats what she does. If she sees someone cross out of the corner of her eye though she will just follow.

Its not great and we are stuck at the moment and cant seem to move forward

DD2 is making car journeys quite unbearable at the moment. We have a general conversation about the weather, roads, etc., mainly because DD3 asks questions.

DD2 is already obsessed with no seatbelt=certain death. So if DD3 gets truculent and doesn't clip in, and I say 'I'm starting the engine', DD2 clutches her head between her hands and says 'No! No! I'm really going to panic now, I don't want DD3 to dieeee.' (It's quite traumatic, genuine stress).

Then the other day she asked if the road was icy. It was, a bit. Then she yelled at me for driving far to far on an icy road and how awful I was because we'd all get killed. We were driving at 28 miles per hour

Then, on Wednesdays I have to collect DD1 from respite. DD2 hates coming. She despises it. On the way to the school she was flinching at every single noise, vibration, splash, rumble and asking 'what was that! Are we going to crash??'

It's awful for her, I'm sure. It's pretty awful for me too

I can be like that lougle I drive DP bonkers constantly telling him about noises and smells coming from my car.

My step father was a mechanic when I was a teenager and he used to take me out in his customers cars to tell him which wheel bearing was humming!!

It saved my life once though when the battery in my old mini caught fire and I smelt it, dumped the car and ran home to get help!!

And I wonder why Dd3 is quirky

When Dd3 was little she used to scream if we went on the motorway, not fun on our bi annual holiday 4 hrs away!!

I wish I had known about ear defenders because I am sure it was the constant road noise that she hated. As soon as she was old enough to wear headphones she improved rapidly.

With our new much quieter car she will even fall asleep occasionally.

As you can imagine it wasnt fun for the older Dd's who were either side of the screaming banshee yelling, make her stop mum!!