OK, I've finally managed to catch DD2 on video

[lougle]

Showing how she reacts to unplanned differences.

Can you take a look and see if I'm justified in calling her 'inflexible'?

(I'll take the link down in a day or two).

TIA.

yes yes yes yes we have this, dd2 also has ongoing ENT issues and wears a hearing aid

which is why it's taken me over three years to convince school there's something else going on

...actually she doesn't wear her hearing aid at the moment... due to anxiety!!! (we have a new hearing aid which has been temperamental) her hearing is borderline though and she always sits at the front of the class so is able to be prompted - needs prompting all the time

Well this has been an interesting thread. I watched it and was looking for, something, I don't know what. To me, it all looked normal. Which made me realise that my normal is probably skewed cos if da, but I hadn't realised how much.
:(

So, I am not at all articulate like the above pistes a and mostly lurk cos I can never say anything helpful, but wanted to say I echo what has been said above. Please do push for them to listen to you and please do show them the video.

Best of luck.

Ds not da!

What is she like for fidgiting lougle Dd3 never stops moving. In fact I have said to the staff at school that if she stops moving they have lost her.

It was her vocal tutor who first noticed this when she very first joined the choir at 5!! I spoke to her after the first few sessions and asked her if the constant moving was a problem and she said she had noticed that if she wasnt moving then she wasnt listening.

Not all the vocal tutors were as understanding and we have had a few problems over the years.

These children have so much to deal with dont they

How old is she lougle?

It is very similar to how my ds might react (HFA) on a 'bad day', eg if tired. My NT dd (4yo) can be a stubborn and stroppy little mare (I adore her, of course!) but not like this.

She's 6, bialy.

She fidgets all the time. The only time she doesn't is if she's sucking her hand (her comforter). As soon as she stops sucking her hand she's fidgeting....or is it that as soon as she stops fidgeting she sucks her hand?

If she's not fidgeting, she's singing/saying odd repetitive phrases. We were at her cousin's yesterday and she was singing 'ooohhhhoooohhh P R A...oooh ohhh P R A....' Her cousin who's 10 weeks older than her said 'what's P R A? '. My SIL and I both said at the same time 'don't know. Doesn't matter.'

She's been told off for fiddling at school She says it's easier if she has something to lean against.

It's interesting, seeing the difference between processing and other things. I'm sometimes not sure if she's heard me, and then of course once she's processed my request, it sometimes seems so illogical to her. So, for instance, she'll say 'Can't you see I'm watching TV???'

I confuses me that she can be so cold and emotionless; so harsh and steely; yet she can show overwhelming emotion at times.

Omg, lougle. That just confirms it - our dd2's are exactly the same

Dd2 would do exactly the same. She has done similar when eg she didn't have her cello music, but I found the tune for her to practise, but it was still 'wrong', because it was in a different place on the page, she had to look differently, the print was a slightly different size so bars/lines of music were slightly different, etc. she couldn't get past it to practise at all.

Dd2's school still aren't seeing it either. She is still ahead in academic terms (reading level etc) but her comprehension lags IMO - she is just luckily (!) good at social cues so can self correct rapidly. Her conversation is littered with 'I thought that', 'I was just going to say that', and other recovery phrases.

At the moment they've only noticed that she's not performing as they'd expect.

Hello, Newblue, nice to see you!

We have that from our 6 year old. However she doesn't have any other real indicators of aspergers. I know something isn't quite right though. For US it looks like it is a case of a gifted child who has problems with her emotions (Dabrowski's overexcitabilities seem very appropriate). DD1 has lots of friends, is popular, well behaved at school, doing well BUT she comes out of school and explodes about this that and the other that has happened during the day that she hasn't understood. Academic work doesn't seem a problem but general teaching logic and reward schemes are a HUGE challenge for her and make our lives miserable. I know we won't ever get any sort of referral or diagnosis (of this or her probable dyslexia because she has learned to read) so for us is it just a case of trying to learn different things to help her but at the moment I am at a bit of a loss with what to do next.

Thank you for posting the video though - it is reassuring to see someone else with what comes down to being a frightened and confused child. That is the only way I can describe what I see in my elder daughter.

Sorry I have no advice except that you just have to fight her corner as much as you can as she is too little to do it herself. She is obviously very bright but sometimes I wonder if it is better to be a bit thick but happy if that makes sense.

hugs

People say she must be very bright, but it doesn't help if people can't grasp what she's saying, or if she can't follow a simple task.

Honestly, I don't know.

That's what everyone is like in our house, but then I'm starting to think we haven't had a family NT birth for many generations....

do you think she could be gifted, have some of Dabrowski's overexcitabilities and perhaps a SPLD of some sort so be what they call twice exceptional (I think that is the term) so not only is she dealing with being very bright, overthinking things, oversensitivity etc and frustrations that go with that but she is also frustrated because she knows what should happen but something is missing in the process on the way there?

My daughter read a book last night, asked me to ask her the questions at the end on the back page. I did and then we got to one and she looked at me and said I don't know. so I asked why she thought she didn't know and she gave me a great long explanation about it all and basically she was trying to answer a much more complex question. the way they had worded it made her think it was harder than it was. life confuses her. she expects things to be logical and they aren't and it makes her very confused and then upset.

lougle - one of the most useful assessments that DS1 had was the TOPs 3 www.linguisystems.com/products/product/display?itemid=10362 (not to be confused with the TAPs 3).

Practically, when things go wrong, which they do, all the time, I agree with him - 'don't get me started on BT, I hate BT with a passion - a bit of wind and we have no connection for over a week - what is wrong with them? ...'. This halts the escalation - I basically do a John Cleese until he calms down and smiles at something. Then I verbalise a problem solving (usually internal and taken for granted) narrative. I tell him about what fixes I have tried in the past in similar situations. When this is successful he can cope with things going wrong without them being fixed. Otherwise it would be 'fix the broadband NOW!! - WHY CAN'T YOU - SUE BT!!' escalating to aggression and verbal abuse over several hours.

DS2 has been assessed by SALT and EP and OT, all called in by the school over the last couple of years. There have been reports of not following instructions, responding to name, problems with the functional and social use of language, non-verbal communication etc. The assessments have focused on cognitive ability (EP) and ability to hear and understand instructions. I have just applied for SA but all the assessments were done at SA+. Push for it before she starts KS2. Behaviour in the classroom stops being tolerated over night.

ime teaching staff will minimise. When they talk about severity they do so from the perspective of how much disruption DD causes to others. DS2's behaviour was only ever referred to in IEP reviews and minimised as mainly limited to carpet time. It was a shock for the specialist ADHD nurse to then write to the paed, following school observation, that he meets the diagnostic criteria for ADHD but that he should also be investigated for 'autism'. She has recommended a trial of medication.

With DS1 I had to get objective assessments to both rule out alternative explanations of behaviour (low self esteem/anxiety etc) and to support subjective parental observations.

Gosh, just watched the video. I see a lot of me in there, as well as it resonating with DS1's behaviour. School came to me saying they see that panicked look in his eyes when asked to do anything (also loads at home), but when it came to the assessments they kept answering the questions "no problem" - hence no dx, just "autistic features". So frustrating, when it was them telling me to go for an assessment in the first place.

Anyway, DS1 is very bright too. So I have often wondered about Peri's point, in combination with dyslexia for him. I have a very high IQ, and everyone always put me down as highly strung :/