OK, I've finally managed to catch DD2 on video

[lougle]

Showing how she reacts to unplanned differences.

Can you take a look and see if I'm justified in calling her 'inflexible'?

(I'll take the link down in a day or two).

TIA.

I think I'm going to have to. I'll perhaps wait until the new year - see what school are going to do first.

Knowing how long it takes to get an apt, I'd try to make one now for the new year - you can always cancel it later if you feel it's no longer necessary.

I agree make the appointment tomorrow theses things can take months and months. If you are worried don't wait and see what the school say or do. Like chipping said you can always cancel it if you need to.

interesting. DS does this. but he is less articulate. In fact he loses his language when upset.

i'm wondering if you are infuriating her further by telling her it doesn't matter?

my approach with DS would be to try to reflect back why he is upset so he can see I have understood ie. "the CD finishes too early, oh dear, that's a bit annoying isn't it". If I tell him 'it doesn't matter' he goes absolutely ballistic.

sometimes i feel I am pandering to him and not modelling what 'normal' is. But the priority for me is teaching him how to 'reach' (which he never did as a baby) and to draw out his language.

but your DDs language seems good so perhaps thats not a parallel I can draw.

no chance of school seeing there is a problem here either.

bless her, quite explosive, and such panic I must say my own dd2 normally takes a little longer to reach that level of panic (though not always). does she carry a general level of anxiety around? that's what I hear in her voice - insecurity of oh lawks yet another thing being 'wrong'? (or am i projecting my own dd2?) I am just like you Lougle I just keep my reactions very low-key and to a minimum so as not to inflame things further.

If she reacts like this 'often' then this, to me, is 'unusual in scope, and intensity' as they say in ye ole diagnostic criteria.....

You're spot on, bassingtonffrench, and in general I do mirror talk with her. However, this was one of those situations when I was trying to alleviate her anxiety over having insufficient practice and it didn't occur to me that there may be a mismatch in the number of 'Let it snow!'s. By that point I was trying to get her past the 'blockage' so that she could practice because I knew she'd be up in the night otherwise.

Of course, you're right - she couldn't get past and I further annoyed her by telling her it was ok. I did try to find another three one, but they all had imperfect endings

Handy she is very anxious in general right now. She was up all evening yesterday because she was worried that 'it would be school soon'. She eventually fell asleep on the sofa and we put her to bed when we went.

Polter that's my usual approach, but when I said that last night, about a seemingly minor school problem, her solution was 'learn at home, from Monday'

Dd3 has those kind of extreme reactions to seemingly mild problems, she is either happy or devastated, there is very little in between.

I can understand why your Dd was upset, it must have come as a shock to her when the song finished before it should have done.

I showed it to Dd3 and she said "You should find her a longer song on You tube" Very helpful Dd3. That is always her answer to problems, she wants to make them go away instead of working through them or round them.

I think you should collect some more video evidence of your Dd, I thought her language was interesting when she was stressed and also physically, her eyes and walking backwards and forwards caught my attention. She was clearly very stressed.

I really hope you can get some help for her

She is gorgeous by the way

Thank you, Ineed. Your DD is very insightful - they could be good friends. Her body language was quite illuminating, even knowing her. Just to see so clearly the processing. Such a clear process: Check picture - it isn't moving. Check progress bar - it's at the end. Check music sheet - there are more words. ERROR! ERROR!

She is gorgeous, but say it again She really is. Smart too, which is another reason I can't sit by while the teacher thinks she's just lazy or naughty.

yes she is gorgeous, also very articulate, which is probably providing an enormous smoke-screen for her difficulties.

I agree with handy Dd3's communication is one of her biggest problems and yet she is articulate and has a great vocab

Very difficult to explain to people

This is probably unhelpful,but she's behaving exactly as DD would.
She explodes with anxiety/anger over very minor things (putting her shoes on for eg) something like your dd's problem in the video would have sent her round the bend!

We are waiting on a referral after a panel has discussed her needs (they meet every 6 weeks so Im Guessing it could be a long wait.)
We've always known something was up,but since about 2yrs old there's been an obvious (to us) difference between her and her peers. But most professionals don't see it in the short amount of time they are with her.

Like your DD her first year at school was disastrous and we moved her at the start of this school year,the new school are fantastic and have her in several different 'clubs' and one to ones during the school day to help her cope,she's also made friends at this school-the other children are lovely....my DD interacts in a very similar way to yours (the statements about wearing her hat and gloves and shoving the lunchbox in a friends face made me smile as DD would/has done the exact same thing)

Tbh,we suspect aspergers,but we are not professionals.
It's difficult as I think many of the things she struggles with could be overlooked-it's just the collection and frequency of them that seems to indicate a problem to us.

I hope you manage to get somewhere with an assessment,as,yes,i do alos think she needs one (but you know that) and I must say,you are increadably calm in the video! Hats off to you!

Oh and DD is also similarly articulate,and has been from a very young age-no speech delay,in fact quite the opposite... But she does have such trouble communicating....it doesn't make much sense when you try to explain it....

It's not unhelpful, UP, everything helps. Just having people who don't say 'oh they all do that, don't they?' helps.

Yes, DD2 is articulate, but then she struggles so much too. She learned about electricity and came home massively animated. She said 'you mustn't let the tea hotting, teaing machine get wet.' She meant the kettle.

same here with dd2, very advanced vocab and grammar, can tell you all about similes, metaphors, compound words, nouns, verbs, adverbs.... crap communication skills.

my dd2 has a very slow processing speed which makes her difficulties a bit more obvious. Lougle your dd2 does not have this processing speed problem so I'm not surprised your dd2's teachers are clueless about her difficulties. I still want to clone my private SALT and send her up to you, she would love to work with your dd2.

That's interesting, Handy, because processing speed was the one area that the Paed really took interest in. She's got generally quite slow processing speed, but it's worse when the subject is abstract. Something like that clip is quite concrete - she was assessing whether there was a problem with the music stopping.

interesting, Lougle re processing, what sort of things does her processing speed let her down on?

The processing is very slow on anything that is abstract, really, or even concrete stuff if it is out of the context of what she's doing.

So in the context that she was focused on the words of the song, she was able to process (spot the problem) quite fast. But, if she was watching telly and I managed to get her attention, then said 'could you get your shoes on, please?' she would either stare at me for several seconds, then get them, or stare at me for several seconds and forget what I'd said, then watch tv again, or stare at me and say 'what??'.

It's context for DD2 that affects processing, I think.

So I wonder, with the title copying, if she just forgot what to do. She was asked to do something, but it wasn't embedded sufficiently, so when she got sidetracked with wanting to use red but knowing she wasn't allowed, she just didn't have anything to fall back on?

Ummmm okay, actually she does sound like my dd2, her processing affects her like that especially auditory processing and higher language load. When we pull up on the drive coming home from school I will say 'dd2 please bring your bag from the car' she will look at it, get out and immediately 'forget' because the words never really got processed.

Yes, exactly that. It can look like she's totally ignoring you. Her teacher says 'she doesn't listen. I'm talking to her and I know she's not listening at all.' It's hard to dispute it, because the end result is that what she's said hasn't gone in. But, of course, it's the combination of all the other sounds and visual stuff crowding out her processor!