Bloody Social Workers!!!!

[aaronsmummy]

A Social Worker came to assess any extra help needed for ds2 who has asd. I am going through a really rough patch with dh at the moment and as he wasnt there I ranted rather more than I should. Soc Worker assured me that my comments would not go on the assesment and that her comments would be that our relationship is strained due to the situation with ds2. She has called this morning - she wants to talk to dh about it and all my comments will be on file (she told me word for word) should anyone ever wish to view it, including him. I thought i was telling her these things in confidence. If dh finds out he will go mad - not about how I feel and my perception of him and our relationship - but that I dared to tell her. I am fuming!!!

OMFG.

Sorry thats not helpful. As anyone can ask to see the file I think I would ask to see it and rip the pages up with the in confidence comments on them. What an arse.

I think that social workers are in a difficult position because their "client" is not you, or your DH, it's your child. Therefore if the social worker, having thought about your comments afterwards, feels that it's in your child's best interests to talk to your DH, then her hands may be tied to a certain extent.

However, she should have made it clear to you from the beginning that you couldn't talk to her in confidence about your DH. It is, obviously, wrong that she misled you.

I am a bit worried by what you say about your DH going "mad" that you told her - why should he? Does he generally have a bad temper? Might that be why she's worried about DS2?

dinosaure, no not mad as in scared - i think he will be very angry with me and as our relationship is already strained it may push it over the edge. He wouldn't scream and shout but he would be unbearable.

aaronsmummy, I think you need to speak to her again, if you can, and explain this to her. Maybe she could then find a diplomatic way of raising her concerns with DH, without giving the game away that you have said rather more to her than you should?

FioFio - that's what I thought.

FioFio, I have no direct experience of this - what I posted is just based on a discussion with Scummy in another context. So it may not be relevant to aaronsmummy's situation.

Hi aaronsmummy. I think it is a good idea to speak to the social worker again as dinosaure suggests. I would also suggest a formal complaint if you are not satisfied with her response and were directly misinformed about confidentiality. That is unacceptable, imo.
The social worker may be trying to use your relationship strains as evidence that you do need some extra help for ds2, especially if he would be unlikely to meet their criteria otherwise. I'm sorry- I don't know anything about ds2's needs or age. Is it clearish to you what his needs are yet or is he still very little? Most social services eligibility criteria rule out children with Aspergers or high functioning autism () unless there are other factors that make family life even more difficult in combination with the child's special needs. Is it possible that this could be an explanation for the social worker's seemingly rubbish practice?

Another thought- would it be worth telling dh that you really laid it on thick about just how hard it can be with ds2 and how profoundly it affects your family life because you've heard that is what you have to do to get a service?

SM - Thanks for the advice - I will tell dh that I laid it on thick as you suggest. I was advised by the social worker that they could provide respite but I told her i didnt want this as ds2 is only 3 and although asd is able to communicate with a familiar adult. He doesnt sleep much and is also hyperactive so I think this prompted her suggestion. I told her I would rather rely on family members for help which I am in the process of sorting. Although extremely angry with sw - she is just a student so am reticent about complaining, after all I did rant. Perhaps it's my fault. I do tend to prattle on as I don;t see many adults - just my 3 kids and their friends lol.

Well, that's really sweet of you to give her some leaway because she's a student but it is definitely NOT your fault. It's really not on for you to be told that you can talk in confidence when that was not the case. If you can be bothered and are feeling kind, you could maybe give her some constructive feedback so she realises that this was a big booboo which really upset you. I have found that I've always learned most when clients have been big enough to tell me that I've screwed up.

I will be speaking to her about it but am too angry today - she should maybe have been supervised on her visit, then there would have been no confusion. It's just with so many things going on - Hanen - Gait appt - HV - SENCO and Physio - I don't need the aggro with dh.

OMG FF perhaps we have the same one lol

I have had a sleepless night worrying about this. I am very non-confrontational. Does anyone know - if I put my feelings in a letter will this be kept on file and could it come back to haunt me later?

I don't know, but am bumping this for you so that ScummyMummy or others may see it.

Thanks - what's bumping?

Posting on it so that it will appear in active conversations again .

Oh thanks, I have only been on MN for week so not heard of that one before. xx

I have just bitten the bullet and complained - I used the online complaint system wimp that I am. Feel tons better now.