Im even more lost than before

[CrazyHamsterdisguisedasatree]

Had yet another appointment today with Ds' specialist .
He has suspected ADHD/AS/OCD .
He is on Melatonin finally after not sleeping for 4 & a half years though I had to beg for it
Anyway back to today , The appointment lasted all of two minutes where I were told that because he is ok/well behaved in nursery he can't possibly have ADHD or even ADD & then I were given another appointment for January

I were really needing answers today but all I got was nothing , if big if their is nothing wrong with my Ds that makes me a horrid parent because he is completely uncontrollable.
The only reason he is good in Nursery is because I had to send him to a Preparatory Nursery as they had a set timetable & a lot more structure which is why he was so ok at Nursery !

I'm at breaking point , he now smashes things , throws stuff at me , hits me , won't do as he is told no matter what I confiscate etc .

I applied for DLA on the advice of some lovely Mnetters & was denied on the grounds of him just been an 'average' 4 year old I asked for a review so just waiting on that coming back though im only about 1% hopeful , If I got it life would be a lot easier as id be able to buy him those lights that calm him down & a weighted blanket etc .

Sorry for the ramble , I just don't know where to go from here
Is their anything I can do to help my claim for DLA ?

I think you should get as second opinion. Being well-behaved in nursery surely does not qualify him as being ok, particularly as he has so many issues. My 4 year old has diagnosis of ASD and he follows yours in the breaking things, throwing things at me, hitting and biting me too.

Get a GP referral to see a Developmental Paediatrician, or another one, if this is who your meeting was with. Once you have a diagnosis, you should have no problem claiming DLA and maybe Carer's Allowance. You could also request an assessment of him, in the home environment as he is obviously saving his frustrations during the nursery hours, to vent at you when back home.

Good Luck

We had the Health Visitor come round and do an assessment at home though that was only last week .
Thanks for the advice

It's much harder to qualify for dla with younger children as the average 4 yo still does need a fair but of supervision, which makes it so much harder to prove that your child needs more, especially in the absence of a firm diagnosis.
Unfortunately the same is true of getting that diagnosis too. A lot of 4 yo have plenty of ADHD characteristics but most grow out of them. It is very difficult when you know your child has behaviours much more significant than the average but also very hard to prove what you know to be the case. Even though my ds was not ok at nursery or in reception we were still told he'd grow out of it.
Have you read the explosive child- it's a really good book for when 'normal' parenting fails. Also might be worth looking at his diet, cutting out sugar and refined carbs as well as any artificial stuff, increasing protein. Then you could also try supplements- we use omega 3 (you need one high in EPA), multi vits inc zinc and magnesium. We use behaviour balance DMG from detox people and its had a really good effect. Hth.

He is already on a very restricted diet no sugar,additives etc
I'm looking at supplements atm but its all so confusing

Dr.Verma a childrens mh specialist

With supplements I'd just start with omega 3 and multi vits, any child will benefit.

DLA - I got it for my 4 yo undiagnosed son, but because it was backed up with lots if reports about what a nightmare he often is. Pardon my frankness...

Wet im sorry but your post makes no sense to me

gold but who can I get reports off if Nursery are saying he is ok

Thanks Arthur , if you don't mind me asking how much was it for a SALT to go in & observe

Thanks

My son was being assessed for Autism as nursery saw problem with him, usual people Ot, Salt, Ed psych, Asd support team.

I understand that the diagnostic criteria for adhd require the behaviour to occur in more than one setting, so if he seems to cope ok at nursery then I can see why they said that about adhd, tho of course you have a lot of other concerns that didn't get listened to. Otherwise I agree with zzz, while waiting for diagnosis,.Read widely and look at what might be worth a try to help with your lads behaviour.