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SN children

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Original poster

i'm going to lose it

17 replies

blueeyedmonster · 30/07/2013 09:50

By the end of the day if he carries on like this. Spectacularly. I don't want to but I know I will :-(
He's just gone off on one because I told him it was time to brush his teeth. I've yet again been attacked and sworn at and he still expects me to bake cupcakes with him. Right now I don't want to do anything with him :-(

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ouryve · 30/07/2013 11:42

and a whole packet of very tasty

Hopefully, he's calm by now. If he can be calm and civilised, then baking cupcakes is reward for that - you need to know that he's able to behave safely in the kitchen, anyhow. I keep having to remind DS1 that he needs to make the choice between being stubborn and having his own way or having a nice afternoon out with DH, away from me and DS2, on Thursday. It filters through, but very slowly.

I do find it hard, not carrying anger over, when one of them has been extremely difficult, but then started to behave as if it never happened.

Trigglesx · 30/07/2013 12:09

So sorry you're having such a stressful day.

I tend to think of DS1 as having "etch-a-sketch" head. He gets shook up and everything previously is just blank. He doesn't even think about it or remember it sometimes. I am trying to remember to deal with each behaviour as it comes and parent accordingly.

We had a spectacularly bad day yesterday (he washed his hair -and his brother's - in the toilet in the 3 minutes it took me to sort the laundry. And he and his brother were fighting all day. But in the evening, he calmed down and made an effort to be kind, so I rewarded him for that, despite the fact that he was driving me bonkers all day.

It IS very difficult to put previous bad behaviour behind us throughout the day. Can you get a few minutes here and there just to cool down and recharge - cup of tea or just a few moments of quiet to regroup? I have been known to latch on to some small moment of good behaviour just so I can reward DS1 with 15 minutes of computer time because I know that will give me 15 minutes of quiet to have a coffee and gather my thoughts a bit.

Original poster

blueeyedmonster · 30/07/2013 12:50

Thank you. He did calm and I walked him to the shop in the rain so he could splash a lot.

He's still antagonising (mainly his 1yo sister) a lot but it's easier that the physical violence.

We did come back and make cupcakes and we'll ice them after lunch. All together. Wish me luck lokl.

If all else fails I'll give him his CD player for a break!

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Trigglesx · 30/07/2013 13:17

blue if it helps, I tend to make sure I've built in a lot of little "breaks" during the day. Times where DS1 (and DS2) can do things they really like to do that gives me a few minutes to regroup. Some days it's what stands between me and utter insanity.

Original poster

blueeyedmonster · 30/07/2013 16:22

That's a fab idea thanks Trigglesx

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ouryve · 30/07/2013 19:12

I hope the CD player and baking helped and you've had a less fraught afternoon :)

Original poster

blueeyedmonster · 30/07/2013 20:13

Thanks, they did while they were happening, he's been up and down all day like a frickin yoyo. Ending in a not great wind down and bedtime. He's currently laughing while doing goodness knows what upstairs to dp. Still very wound up.

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RinkyDinkyDoo · 30/07/2013 21:01

DS,6 and ASD, was a dream last week on1st week of hols. Lots of playing and we did quite a lot of reading,pencil and SALT work. Thought oh how lovely.
Oh how times change, he has been an objectionable sod to everything yesterday and today, whiny voice,shouting no,doing things wrong on purpose etc

After reading the manipulative thread, I'm afraid he won, I have been a shouty banshee, cried over his behaviour and feeling pretty worn out and useless, doesn't help that I've got pmt either.
But Aha! I was enlightened by that thread, and reigned myself in, like I normally do, but he'd defo done his best on me.
We are all human and sometimes we get reminded of it.xxxxxxxx

Original poster

blueeyedmonster · 31/07/2013 19:48

rinkydinkydoo are you me and ds? That sounds exactly the same as what's been happening here apart from mines lashing out too and he has no dx. I'm really hoping he calms down again soon.

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RinkyDinkyDoo · 01/08/2013 07:50

We could be blue eyed, some days we seem to manage it better than others. But it's good to know we're not alone.xxxxx

LilTreacle · 01/08/2013 12:08

Sounds familiar...

I ended up sitting DS down on his own to calm down for a few minutes this morning, and when I said he could get up and play, he refused beceause he was still in his 'I am not doing anything you say mode'

No particilar trigger and it makes no sense...change of routine/weather/fairie dust missing this week?
No idea...just glad he's not going to school while in this frame of mind!

youarewinning · 01/08/2013 17:55

Hi blueeyed we 'met' on a thread recently - Ive got the DS who has just been referred to Camhs.

Mine was the thread about manipulation. I'm lucky I don't get physical stuff here really but more the talking and distracting (him!) from what I want him to do and tears of complete frustration over tiny things when we've had social events.

Someone suggested the "when you've/we've done X, then you/we can do Y" It is really beginning to work with lot's of me counting to 10! and I've been using his minecraft as a reward.

He does just seem to need that time shut away on his headphones to remain on an even keel.

Original poster

blueeyedmonster · 01/08/2013 20:51

Hi youare I just read that thread yesterday. Could relate to it totally!

I'm going to start trying that tomorrow thanks. It seems to help ds being on his headphones too. Unfortunately it is a battle getting him off them sigh.

I thought you'd like to know that I had my first appointment with CAMHS on my own last week and it was great. What I imagined the first to be like. She's considering referral and did a sensory questionnaire. Spoke in a lot more detail about stuff and I feel a LOT more positive about going there now.

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youarewinning · 02/08/2013 10:38

We've now progressed. not upwards

So this morning was - when you've had breakfast and got clean you can have your minecraft - he knows not before 9am.

So had breakfast and turned on tap washed. Then spent 25 minutes asking what he could do now. Of course none of the suggestions were acceptable as he'd done what I said X and now wanted Y. It's such a bleeding battle.

Glad your last Camhs appointment was more successful. I am going to take DS along to ours but not take him in whilst I'm having the discussion about his difficulties. Glad things are moving forward.

Original poster

blueeyedmonster · 02/08/2013 20:41

Sounds like ds with his music that he has to have up full blast. Not before 9am I say so he wonder round -whinging- saying he's bored but has loads of stuff he won't play with.

Thanks, I'm actually looking forward to Tuesday which is my next one! When is your appointment?

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youarewinning · 02/08/2013 20:52

Do our DS's read some kind of script?!

My appointment is not until 9th September.

I'm so glad you said that about your DS ^. This morning, well today in general really, I have felt like a terrible parent, who doesn't entertain or talk to her DS enough so he is bored. But he doesn't want to do anything other than what he^ wants to do.

Original poster

blueeyedmonster · 02/08/2013 21:50

I think so!! They need to share the bloody thing

That'll come around so quick. I'll know by then if they will assess him or not.

He's terrible for it! Nice to know he's not the only one. It's dd I feel for ATM, ds can be so time intensive that she dioesn't get half this attention I feel she should. Ds talks for england and demands attention!!

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