What would you do first?

[Jinty64]

I'm struggling a bit with this one.

A bit of background.

Ds1 (17) has ADHD. I suspect ASD too but that's not on his diagnosis. He is a great lad and really gives me very little bother but, as you all know, bringing up any child with special needs is not easy. Ds had the potential to be very academic and started of doing fairly well but will not leave school with the qualifications he should. Obviously we will continue to support him in what he wants to do and I hope, with a bit more maturity he will get there in the end.

I feel much of this is my fault as his schools were not very supportive of his diagnosis and I should have been shouting louder.

Dh has said for the last couple of years that ds3 (6) also has ADHD. I have disagreed. I can't even bear to let my thoughts wander in that direction. However, I think I am coming to accept that he is right. He is not hyperactive but, I'm sure has ADD. What has made me feel I have to act is a report card basically saying that he is not reaching his potential due to his daydreaming and intention. The school think he is just distracted and lazy but they said that about ds1.

So, sorry this is so long, I have read the Tinsley House thread and ordered the fish oils, zinc etc. and had been going to give this a try to see if it made a difference, but now wonder if I will just be masking a problem and should push for an assessment first. I will be shouting louder this time. His problems are not nearly as bad as ds1 but problems none the less.

What would you advise?

Awful that they've now used the same negative labelling on DS2 as well as your eldest.

As you have now learnt you are your child's best - and only - advocate here. Its a hard lesson.

I'd also be looking at other schools; this one do not seem interested in helping him reach his potential but write him off.

I'd be pushing for assessment now. GP should refer you to a developmental paediatrician.

Yep, trip to GP. Accumulate all the negative labels and complaints you can off the school in writing, link book is ideal. Photocopy this so GP can attach it to the referral. Avoid ticking the box on the referral form with 'consent to share information'. Suggest don't breathe a whisper of ADHD at school, as they sound like the type to immediately stop all feedback and say he is perfectly fine, exactly like the other dc.

After you have seen the doctor and shown the incriminating link book, then school can have a questionnaire from the dr. Try to insist the class teacher does it straight away, in front of you, or SENCO may ask her to lie present a positive picture highlighting ds3's strengths.

And meanwhile, have a very good look at other schools.

I think you should do both at the same time. I hope the fish oils will help somewhat but they won't by themselves resolve all the problems instantly. Doing diet stuff will at the very least give you a sense that you doing something while you wait for the slow wheels of the nhs to turn.

Also try to take the long view with your ds1. He is only 17 and you say he is v bright. He will - like everyone else -have to work until he is 77. That gives him 60 years to get an education, training and a career!

Thank you all. I do think ds1 will mature and get there eventually. He is generally a happy lad with a fairly positive outlook.

I have considered other schools for ds3 but, without moving house (and I haven't ruled that out) I'm not convinced the other options are better. He also has a lot of friends and does not have the self-esteem issues that ds1 had.

I had no problem getting a GP referral for ds1 so will go ahead with that and see where that takes us.

Thanks again