Suspected SN what next?

[ruledbyheart]

Sorry for posting here but figured there is more traffic.

My DS2 has always been a bit quirky but recently friends and family have asked if he is SN and think I should get him assessed.

He does have a very high pain threshold for example last week he smacked his nose on a door,I didn't rush to him as he didn't cry and seemed fine, 2mins later he came to me saying his nose was wet - pissing blood actually but it didn't bother him, he has also fallen down the stairs and not even a whimper.

The only time he says he is hurt is if he sees a mark like if his brother grabs him he says it hurts but only because he sees it should IYSWIM?

He also goes off in his own world sometimes but its like you don't exist he will cover his face and ignore you completely, also if he is told no he just acts like you don't exist.

He has no fear of danger at all, today he jumped off a 5ft platform without even looking just because he could I suppose.

He is also very strong he will play fight with my partner to the point my partner has bruises, he is a tough little cookie and we let him air his frustration out with proper boxing equipment, Ive never known a child to hit as hard as a full grown adult, it worries me as he knows he can't hit first but will hit back, unfortunately the kids he plays with are twice his size and he has hit back and given out bloody noses.

I'm probably not explaining this very well but my point is he is definitely not your average 3 nearly 4 yr old, from the day he was born he would scream day and night and even now he still gets up in the night and just tantrums.

So how do I go about having him assessed, is there any point? Im not sure what to do next.

any advice would be fantastic, sorry for rambling I've never said half of this before so feels better to air my worries.

I think you would be better off posting this in the SN section.

Is he at nursery? What do they say?

Developmentally (speech, understanding, motor skills etc) - has he been late with any of this stuff?

Have you spoken to the gp or hv?

I would see your GP and explain what you have told us here

In the meantime try to get him playing with his peers rather than older children, and ask your partner to ease back on the playfighting, I think encouraging any child to punch to bruising point is kinda not 'nice'

Does he go to nursery or preschool - has any one there raised any concerns with you?

Haven't got a HV unfortunately as we fell out but haven't seen a GP yet either.

He is at preschool but all they have said is he is very quiet and doesn't speak to the staff often.

development wise he was a slow starter with most things and even now isn't toilet trained, he knows to go but will happily not bother or he will get to the toilet and stand there and wait until he wets himself.

I don't encourage the boxing through choice but found it a better option than him just hitting out in anger or play and causing more damage without the padding.

You need to ask your GP for a referal to a developmental paedeatrician. Make a note of all the things that concern you and show it to the GP. I would also ask nursery again about his behaviour and any concerns thay may have.

How is his speech and communication?
Has his hearing been checked?

Also he doesn't play with older children but children his age who are bigger than him.

His speech is ok not great for his age but can explain what he needs when he wants too, his hearing is fine though as has been checked.

will speak to his preschool again and book a doctors appointment.

Hi there,

We have moved this thread over to our SN topic now.

Wishing you all the best.

"it worries me as he knows he can't hit first but will hit back, unfortunately the kids he plays with are twice his size and he has hit back and given out bloody noses."

This was probably worded in haste? It sounds like you are saying that you've told him he can retaliate if he doesn't land the first punch? Also, that he's playing with older children.

I think you need to try and take an objective view of your DS. Do you think that he is out of control when he hurts people, or simply that he thinks that physical roughness is ok because he plays rough with your DP?

The no sense of danger thing - does that apply in all situations, or just heights, etc? For instance, my DD has virtually no appreciation of danger, so that means that she has no road sense, no practical appreciation that knives can cut her (she knows, but she can't stop the impulse that reaches out for the knife), etc.

If your DS is generally lacking in danger awareness, that's more indicative of SN than if he has just mastered heights really well.

It's all irrelevant really - if you are concerned, that's enough to take it forward. Visit your GP and tell them everything.

The no sense of danger thing is in different situations don't even get me started about roads.

he plays with bigger children not older children, he has been taught to hit back if he is hit although this was before we found out how strong he can be.
He has always been physically rough but has calmed down a lot now he can vent it with the boxing gloves/pads.

At night he is out of control and I have to pin him to stop him attacking me in a tantrum (not sure of the cause of these).

I am booking a GPs appointment, up until other people made these comments and seeing how he is recently I thought he was just a very active child but now I wonder if it could be something more.

It's difficult. Parenting decisions and special needs can collide somewhat. I can't imagine telling my 4 year old to hit back, but there are those who do.

I think you may have to change your stance on that, regardless of whether he has SN. You simply can not allow him to cause other children injury.

Maybe I do Lougle the problem is DS1 is a very shy and quiet child, he has been bullied at school and the teachers don't react when he has been hit/pushed over by another child which is why (rightly or wrongly) I have taught them like I have.

It's a difficult situation, the incident which caused an injury on the other child was not through my sons fault the other children had ganged up on him (3 of them) and one punched him in the stomach hence why DS2 hit him and gave him a bloody nose and yes I'm talking 3yr olds - I live in a rough area and I was feeding DD1 and didn't have time to react as they seemed to be playing nicely.

Well I hope the GP takes you seriously. It sounds like you're doing the best you can in the circumstances. I won't pretend to understand it because I'm not in an area where (generally) 3 year olds physically hurt each other.

Do have a think back about your DS's milestones, any concerns you have, whether it be a niggle or a more substantial concern. The GP will want to know, and so will any paed you see.

Let us know how you get on.