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SN children

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Original poster

So frazzed, worn down, tired, exhausted tonight after the bedtime routine

65 replies

Thomcat · 10/05/2006 21:03

Need to offload.

I can't do this f'ing bedtime routine thing for very much longer.

Everytime I ask DD1 to do anything I have a battle on my hands. Come and have tea, no mummy no tea. Come and have a bath, no bath. Come and have a cuddle and a story, no, mummy, no. I get her in the bath and it's a war to wash her hair, a fight to wash her body, an argument over the teeth. Once she's decided she's doing it, brushing her teeth for example, she's delightful, funny, sweet, cute etc and we have a lovely few moments, until the next request from me. The defiance, the exerting her will, the still ever so slightly flicking of the bath water when she's been asked 12 times no more splashing, it's the huge pause between each stair as I've finally got her to start up to bed.

Then I read her a story, stroke her hair, kiss her a thousand times, talk about her day and talk about tomorrow, explain i'm going to bed and that she has to close her eyes and sleep and she's suddenly decided of late that she'll start to cry, and not stop, until she's in such a state that I'm in pieces over it.

Meanwhile theres a 5 month old that needs to be fed and put to bed who I'm pretty much ignoring while I try to deal with dd1.

I'm more tired than usual, obviouisly, but jesus she's just such hard work.

OP posts:

motherinferior · 10/05/2006 21:04

I'm so sorry, love.

A lot of this is par for the course with all children, I have to say - mine are utterly, utterly wearing at night when I'm on my own.

Would it help at all to shift bathtime? On the occasions I get the Inferiorettes into an earlier bath it all seems easier to deal wtih.

PinkKerPlink · 10/05/2006 21:07

can yu put the baby in a bouncy chair whilst you deal with dd1?

I think MI is right it is the same with all kids. My ds is still up niow and I havtn had a husband for 3 days

mrsteacher · 10/05/2006 21:07

Have started to post 3 times and deleted it as it sounds patronising and crap. will say it anyway - you know I dont mean to sound shit.
I wanted to say that I find it hard work with two - a demanding almsost 4 year old who tries to push the buttons and a whingy 14 month old limpet child - so I kno wyou must have extra stresses with dd1

and that sounds dreadful - but my brain isnt working

two is hard isnt it

re-read and it does sound patronising.
will post anyway - you know my intentions

mrsteacher · 10/05/2006 21:08

its popsy btw

moondog · 10/05/2006 21:09

I find the bedtime thing hard work too,and am usually doing it alone with my two.

Does she have to have a bath every night for starters?
Is dp around to do it sometimes??
PJs on downstairs before going up and teeth cleaning in downstairs loo (if you have one)

Sometimes i think it's the monotony of it that is wearing as opposed to actaul chores.

motherinferior · 10/05/2006 21:09

I didn't mean 'oh get used to it', TC (suddenly worries), more that you're not alone.

The tears bit is killing, though, poor both of you.

I do think also that strategies to get the most physically strenuous stuff done earlier might help. Also, tell me if this is stupid, but how hungry are you when you're putting her to bed? I know that my tiredness and pre-dinner hunger are probably a factor in my impatience and weary tears when wrestling with my two.

motherinferior · 10/05/2006 21:10

(I have my two every night this week and next, and I am going banananananananas.)

moondog · 10/05/2006 21:11

I often put my 5 year old and 22 mth old in the showere with me and have done since they could sit up. Much easier,and relaxing for us all.

MrsDoolittle · 10/05/2006 21:12

You have my complete sympathy Thomcat. Dd is 2 and ds is 3 months. I don't want to sound patronising either, I can only try and empathise.

Original poster

Thomcat · 10/05/2006 21:19

I know it's not just a SN's thing, but if I post in behav/develp then people there don't always know the situation and reasoning and time outs and things like that don't work. When I say naughty she repeats naughtly lorlott with a smile!

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onlyjoking9329 · 10/05/2006 21:20

yes it does sound like hard work, i could be way off track here but just thinking aloud, has Lottie recently discovered the power of the word no, my girls with autism picked this one up at around 6, we then had to avoid any questions where the answer could be no. hope its just a passing thing for her.

motherinferior · 10/05/2006 21:21

I don't actually think reasoning works much at all at bedtime. It's a horrid, exhausting time of day.

Original poster

Thomcat · 10/05/2006 21:21

having dinner, will come back, thanks all for posting and being there, xx

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Blossomhill · 10/05/2006 21:31

Thomcat - huge sympathies from me to you, it's such hard work isn't it.

To be honest having 2 young children is hard enough anyway but when you have a child with additional/special needs it is so much harder.

I agree that trying to make things as easy as possible for yourself with regards to changing a few things such as bath time etc.

Don't forget you are tired anyway so it just makes things so much harder to deal with.

I love my dd to bits but she too does similar things as your dd1 and it is just such a struggle isn't it.

Hugs Bloss xxx

Original poster

Thomcat · 10/05/2006 21:37

Right, i'm back and thank you for your posts.
No-one sounds patronising, not even slightly.

She's said no to stuff for a long time, she's always tested me to the max. Unfortunatley she is very much her mothers daughter!

LOL - me hungry, i nev er give myself the chance! I eat for england and today had been out with a mate, shopping in sunshine, bought lovley clothes for everyone and was totally non-stressed, but by the time DP got in I collapsed into his arms in tears!

Ughhhhhhhhhh, I'm going to do something to break the routine tomorrow, can't repeat tonight.

It was so bad, her screaming mummie, me feeding eve and not knowing what i should do, me in tears, me wanting to go in and wallop lottie. I feel awful that i got like that, I didn't hit her, but I would have quite liked to ad that's just so, so horrendous that that is what made me break down in DP's arms the second he walked in.

Anyway, haver cracked open the green and balcks easter egg with a bottle of pinot grig

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Original poster

Thomcat · 10/05/2006 21:38

Thanks bloss, xx

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motherinferior · 10/05/2006 21:41

Thomcat, you have a new baby and a toddler. It is absolutely hellish some of the time. I cringe when I remember how rough I was with my darling two year old when DD2 was tiny - I never slapped her but I was rougher with her than I should be, and I shouted horribly at her.

Skip the bath altogether tomorrow. And then try and work out something - talk it over with DP, talk it over here - that'll make it ever so slightly easier.

boozefree · 10/05/2006 21:53

I have four, they're all older than your two and it's still hard.If you're tired and feeling that Eve needs attention too, you're pulling yourself in all directions. She's two, SN or not, she's two and would try the patience of Nanny Jo or any other "saint". I want/need my space too but I can be totally realistic/horrible to mine (not really horrible just more honest/grown-up) and explain that FFS leave me alone noew and go to bed. Have you tried and I don't mean to sound patronising, a picture chart and loads of stickers. I work in a school where one child is now doing PECS of gentle hands/etc and has a PEC for TIME OUT. She nows asks to go into the room because she has worked out she gets one to one until she says "sorry" and shows appropriate behaviour. The staff have now asked for strategy help in that she'll sit there all bloody day! She's testing you and it doesn't matter if occasonally she doesn't bathe/do teeth. She needs to know that sometimes Mummies get tired too and they get grumpy.

2shoes · 10/05/2006 21:55

bath times can be a nightmare. my bf finds the best way is just to bathe her dd a couple of times a week.
It will get easier as she gets older. My dd is good now but we have been through the crying stage. and it is heartbreaking.

Original poster

Thomcat · 10/05/2006 21:56

MI - thank you for saying what you siad, am in tears, but not huge ones, you made me feel better.

Offbooze - this pecs thing has been raised before with the fight over the mornign routine. Where / how do I start?

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Original poster

Thomcat · 10/05/2006 21:56

sorry meant boozefree not offbooze, lol!

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motherinferior · 10/05/2006 21:57

TC: I was thinking, after I'd posted that, that parenthood has tested me to the limit of finding out just how horrible I can be. It's not a nice thing to experience. The one thing is that everyone else goes through it too.

boozefree · 10/05/2006 22:02

I only go into a special school to do music, but the kids I work with have a chart. Each activity has a picture and each activity is talked about ie music with ...and then my picture/photo gets put into the tray at the bottom. The day is worked through until hometime.Does Lottie have SNAP help or whatever? They should be able to help and my friend has a child with DS who has just started Chatterbugs. Not sure if it would help, but does Lottie sign, as I do Makaton in any of my sessions where I think it would be useful for non-verbal childrem to help with frustration and emotions. She's two and she's a gril Girls know what they want, don't they?!

Original poster

Thomcat · 10/05/2006 22:08

Thanks boozefree and i will deffo look into into that, thank you, very much. - psssst btw - she's 4.

MI - I don';t know you in rl, but I'd really like to. At my real times of need you are consistently there. Seriously, all icky soppiness aside, cheers mate, you are a constant source of support and it's so appreciated. Thanks mate

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boozefree · 10/05/2006 22:16

She can't be.... where did the time go? I have changed my name but have followed you and Lottie through life, she isn't really four already?
Where does life go?

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