So frazzed, worn down, tired, exhausted tonight after the bedtime routine

[Thomcat]

Need to offload.

I can't do this f'ing bedtime routine thing for very much longer.

Everytime I ask DD1 to do anything I have a battle on my hands. Come and have tea, no mummy no tea. Come and have a bath, no bath. Come and have a cuddle and a story, no, mummy, no. I get her in the bath and it's a war to wash her hair, a fight to wash her body, an argument over the teeth. Once she's decided she's doing it, brushing her teeth for example, she's delightful, funny, sweet, cute etc and we have a lovely few moments, until the next request from me. The defiance, the exerting her will, the still ever so slightly flicking of the bath water when she's been asked 12 times no more splashing, it's the huge pause between each stair as I've finally got her to start up to bed.

Then I read her a story, stroke her hair, kiss her a thousand times, talk about her day and talk about tomorrow, explain i'm going to bed and that she has to close her eyes and sleep and she's suddenly decided of late that she'll start to cry, and not stop, until she's in such a state that I'm in pieces over it.

Meanwhile theres a 5 month old that needs to be fed and put to bed who I'm pretty much ignoring while I try to deal with dd1.

I'm more tired than usual, obviouisly, but jesus she's just such hard work.

am i allowed to know your old name? no worries, would just love to know , either way thanks for helping tonight and yes, she really is, she starts big school thi sept

Hi thomcat,

can't really offer much advise, but just wanted to let you know that i am thinking of you all, i ain't really been around for a while as alot on my plate with both kids and having major probs with chloe at the moment regarding bedtime.

Hope things pick up for you soon.

Thinking of you.

Butty.xxx

Yes it's Jollymum and I work with loads of kids, doing music. Not ashamed too much anymore, so will be changing back. Jollymum again, not pissedmum

Thanks batters.

And butty, good to hear from you mate, sorry you are having your owsn probs. I haven't been around loads so apologies for not knowing what's going on with you, hope it'll all work out ok, asap.

oh hello jollymum

You should know me by now TC, i get on with life and all it throws at me

BTW, we sort have news on dylan as having chromosome deletion 22q13, so finally feel like we are getting some where, but won't know until get results, although genetesist is 95% sure.

Apart from babies and lottie, how are you????

Hope your ok and keeping on form, i will email at somepoint now that my BB is back on.

Butty.xxx

MI said it, didn't she? I always find that what upsets me is ME. I only have the one, and i can rfemember my v good friend saying how unreasonably she resented her older child's demands once the baby wasborn - she felt 'you've had your turn, give me a break to look after the baby', and then exhausted herself with self-horror.

Very curious to know where you went in Sheringham, and wheree you had your lobster - was it at Cookies shack?

I'm alright butty, like you babes, just getting on with it all really and apart from toniught, i'm generally happy. look forward to chatting to you more, email would be lovely and would love to hear more about dylan.

Blu - so nice to see your name come up. Sherringham - we stayed in a flat in vista court overlooking the sea. D's grandparents owned no 1 cliff road for years and he grew up havin g weekend breaks there so we went back and even got to look round the house his gp's owned, so lovely. had fab lobster at the red lobster.
Also drove to holkham and that was beautiful. Had a lovely, lovely weekend, such a nice place and all round there. Steam trains, lobster, crabs, lifeboats, arcades, huge beaches and horses and dogs, just lovely

Oh, what a lovely thing to do. Holkham beach....ooooh.
We decided to have a baby walking along Blakeney Point, on that coast

. You're not having another baby, are you? Norfolk obviously has that effect....

no mate, not yet anyway, maybe never the way i feel now!

did you see seals?

Love that you decided to have ---- (DS) there, how lovely. Wish i'd known that when i was there, would have made it more special

TC...will talk more tomorrow - saw you on my thread too. Lots of love, my sweet - and don't be too hard on yourself - it's bloody hard this non-cooperative older child and baby malarkey (DS1's learnt lots of new words lately...including leave it alone, don't, no, get down, get off, and very possibly oh ffs this is all too bloody hard why won't you all just leave me alone so I can lie down and sob) xxxxxx

manana Hunker, take me as you find me love won't you and don't start a thread entitle oh my god her cushions weren't fluffed!!!!

Course, TC - honestly, you should see the state of this place! Looking forward to seeing you and DD2!

I've found bedtime with 3 impossible without 2 people.

Does she stay in her bed, hanging around sounds like you might be stressing her out. Ds1 was like this for several weeks after ds3 was born. In the end - after being fed up of him being hysterical at midnight for the god knows how many nights in a row, we decided to try bolting 2 travel barriers up at his door. I hated it, thought it looked like a dog gate, and it pained me to do it. He took one look, said "a aiy" (good night) and was asleep by 7.30 pm (it was winter). Might be worth a try?

DS1 is always worse during the summer as well. Bed time tonght was a bloody nightmare- he was on a complete piss take. I was meant to be going out tonight, but gave up it took so long to get him to actually stay in his room without standing by the dog gate shouting (couldn't leave dh with it, wouldn't have been fair).

Any chance of an extra pair of hands? Do you have direct payments or something? My friend who is on her own a lot of the time (dh works away) gets someone in to help her every night her dh is away with bedtime. I haven't done bedtime by myself once since ds3 was born. Thought about it and decided it was impossible until he's older.

oh is Lottie only 2 I thought she was older than that. Hmmm not sure about the dog gate then, ds1 kind of knew he was taking the piss. Mind you we used a stair gate when he was 2 and he just played behind it until he fell asleep then I put him in bed.

Does she have any trouble getting to sleep. If so I guess ask your paed about melatonin.

(no, Jimjams, Lottie is 4)

oh - that's what I thought, am completely comfused now, must have misread the thread.

TC, not sure if any of these suggestions are appropriate but bribery works for us. When they're going through these stages, I stock up on those bath colour tablets as that's a HUGE incentive for them to get in. A few plastic cups with food colouring (diluted) and a syringe are also a great treat that seems to work. Or putting in an egg beater or something a bit unusual.

Also, we have at times switched bathtimes to the morning because it got too difficult. Not sure if this is an option for you, but it cut out one of the steps in the bedtime routine and that was great.

Morning all.

Jimjams - once she's in bed it's all lovley, she has a story and ac uddle and it's all lovely, we've always done it. It's as I go to leave. What's happened is that she'd fall asleep while I was reading and stroking her head so that was fine. It's when at the end of the story she isn't asleep she now wants me to stay until she has. I can't and don't want to do that, not a good habit. So I just say no, it's time for you to sleep, see you in the mroning and leave but that's when she kicks off. She does actually stay in bed of late but we have the stair gate up at her door anyway as she used to get up all the time.

I don't think she has trouble sleeping, i think it's just where it's lighter now, even with a blackout blind, plus curtains with blackout lining.

I might have to revert back to keeping her up till DP is in from work but then we run the risk of her getting over tired.

I try to make Eve a non feature as i put lots to bed but not always easy. Eve is stocking up on her milk ready to go to sleep herself for the night. If I'm feeding eve I make sure that I have a story book in the other hand. If not she's either at the end of the bed or if poss not in the room at all.

I'm dreading tonight b ut hopefully it won't be as bad. I remember starting a thread very similar to this but about the morning routine and that improved, not 100percent, but it did get better. I'm sure the night routine will improve too. It's just keeping my patience in he meantime. The urge just to wallop her and scream shut the ---- up was horrid last night, really really horrid and left me feeling like crap and really sad and a real rubbish mean nasty impatient mum.

It'll all work out in the end.

Sympathies. Bloody hell sometimes isn't it? I can't say 'I know what you mean' because the issues with Sam are very different... for a start you can get DD1 up the stairs so you're doing a hell of a lot better than me, you go girl!

I don't do nightly baths for them, every other with the younger two and then with ds1 whenever I can. if I do it too often he kicks off justa s Dh leaves for work, and as kicking off has come to mean injury it's just not worth it. I am however aware that my give up attitude is probably counterproductive.

So what I want really to say is.....

and I hope you're not so tired today.

Oh TC
Hadn’t seen you around that much of late but sorry to read this.
There are some wise words on here as usual, esp from MI as ever (yes she's so lovely, isn't she!)
I wonder if you can alleviate some of the stress by cutting down on the stuff - yes, does she have to have a bath every day? Can you make it a bit earlier, so before she is totally tired? DS2 in partic is always especially difficult when he’s really exhausted.
Just a thought for yr consideration - in desperation on Tues pm (trying to get everyone out of swim lesson at 6.45pm and walk the 5-min walk back to the car) I said they would have smiley/sad faces depending on what they did; 10 smiley in a week = a treat, 10 sad a penance (oooh hope we don’t get to that).
Since then eg DS2 has finished his breakfast (a long-time bugbear) two days in a row, and when I left for work this am at 7.10 the other two were both dressed as well. Lots of “Can I have a smiley face for that, mummy?/picking the colours for their face/drawing it on themselves.
I know Lottie has DS, but I’m sure she could grasp this concept and it might work. I know you say reasoning is no good but this has been a very visual thing for my lot. (I am not in any way suggesting this is a new idea, but sometimes the most simple thing really strikes a chord.)

HOw about a countdown- or a visual timer that mummy is going to leave in 1 minute. We use countdowns when ds1 is messing us around at bedtime. "Last time then finished- then when he;s up, 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. finished". It's a very useful concept to introduce with kids with SN. For extra hard times we back it up visually with buttons stuck on a PECS sentence strip (does Lottie use PECS?) so we have say 3 countdown buttons on the strip. and woulod say "1 2 3 countdown buttons then mummy leave (take one off), 1, 2 countdown buttons then mummy leave (take the next one off) etc."

Thanks again for your posts.
Clary & JimJams - we don't use pecs, i've heard of it but not really sure what it it. are they visual prompt cards you source yourself from the internet?

excuse typing btw, dd2 on lap and her arms are going mad!

in fact will be back when these 2 are in bed