CAHMS.... Who, how, what, when????

[Hallybear79]

Just had 1st paed appointment. Initially i thought it went ok but now i've got home, tackled some of the worst behaviour i've seen from DS1 in a long time, cleaned up yet more vomit & diahorea from DS2 & thought about it, i'm not sure what i think, except i wish i asked more questions. All i know is that i feel drained & numb.
I was told my DS's behaviour covered both areas for referral so thought it was best to go down the CAHMS referral route as it covers a wider range of problem areas.
Can anyone tell me what this entails? What should i expect etc.
i just feel completely out of control now, my DS1's behaviour just seems to be spiralling out of control recently. He's so angry & aggressive & his social skills seem to be deteriating by the day. I'm so scared for his future.

Hello Hally, hopefully CAHMS will give you help, advice, strategies and they might do cbt sessions targeting your ds's anger - think it is a bit of a lottery though. Our last psych was a waste of time, moved LA and new psych seems very proactive and supportive.

I have just ordered a couple of books ( to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Problems with Anger (What-To-Do Guides for Kids) [Paperback] this is one of them after seeing them recommended on here - something to think about doing whilst waiting for CAHMS referral, which can take a while.

I am absolutely beyond tired tonight after a very long hard beginning to this year with my ds and his school - so I am not sure if I am making much sense, hopefully you will get more advice and support here though!

Hi Hally Just wanted to say I know how you feel. It is a very daunting experience. The fear of the unknown or the fear of "what will be" is scary.

How old is your DS?

He's 5. Was hoping to feel a bit better today but still feel emotionally battered.

Can I offer my twopenniesworth?
What you need to do is write yourself some notes before the appt.
Can just be a few questions you want to ask, or can be a kind of 'diary' of what you are living with, or both.
You will be asked lots of questions and it really helps if the practioner can get a handle on what you mean by 'sometimes' / 'often' / 'a lot' / 'not very often' and what a typical weekend or holiday looks like. Also what a bad day looks like. Also, how often the 'bad day's are.
When you are used to living with a challenging child then you can get a skewe idea of what others consider "normal".
Also (for your own good health ) write another list of all the lovely things about him too.

It's important to try to write the diaries beforehand, as (as you have found with the Paed) it's easy to forget things while you are there, and also if you've had a good few days before you see him/her, then you forget how it feels on your worst day.

Oh, and, although this varies around the country, I know in our authority CAMHS like parents to have attended a Parenting course of some kind first (sometimes signposted by themselves, but usually available through your local Childrens Centre). Parents sometimes feel this is a criticism of themselves, but, those who go, usually find them really helpful - just to meet other parents who are struggling too is usually really helpful to find you are not alone. It's not 'you' it's a difficulty the child has, and people share ideas of things that have worked for them - some might work for your dc, others might not, but just knowing you are not alone is really helpful.