I think I may have been offered a caring carrot today...

[hazeyjane]

...ds was being observed by a learning disability nurse today at nursery, in the hope that she can help come up with a plan wrt ds's separation anxiety when he starts preschool in April.

Ds was having a good day, he has now had 2 of these since starting 16 months ago, it has been a long hard slog to even get him to look at his keyworker, or play without having a hand on my leg at all times, or scream for most of the session, and I can't leave the room without him going into a complete meltdown.

After watching him for the session, and listening to his keyworker explain the severity of his separation anxiety, her suggestion was, 'have you tried telling ds that you are just popping out to the loo, and will be back in a minute?.....'

Obviously all our problems are solved now, phew.

I know. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. Obviously, nearly a year later, having followed this careful treatment plan, DD is talking perfectly and reciting Shakespeare.

Actually she is doing the second one, but only because we have fun with echolalia ;)

I love this sort of passive aggressive mother-in-lawing.

Mine once told me that her eldest daughter - rich doctor, no children - was obviously a very good parent (??) because she refused to have children only to 'dump' them in child care (unlike me that is!).

See even a non-parent is a better parent than me!

What does get my goat about all this 'make sure you interact with them', 'no electronic toys malarkey' is that, although it is obvious common sense, it seems to be based on some warped idea of the perfection of the past. As if in the 1960s/70s, all mums were lovely cake-baking, Maria von Trapp like goddesses, singing and interacting with their children all day long. But then came nasty working mums and ipads and kids were fed their tea by televisions.

Have they not seen Mad Men? Seriously, the reality is women stayed at home sometimes because they thought they had not choice (it was the proper thing to do) and children were expected to be seen and not heard and stay out of the way. As children, we were kicked out of the house to play all day and each day in the hols and expected to do as we were told and not bother the 'grown ups'.

My MIL has never sat and played a game with her kids in her life.

Yet we all run around putting loads of pressure on ourselves to do the right thing. We were brought up by this generation but now have to listen to their crappy whimsical nostalgia about stuff they never did.

That is so true ^^
Even now (after approximately one million caring carrots of 'try turn-taking games') I still have to remind myself to buy DS board games at Christmas and birthdays. I used to get board games as a child, but no-one would ever play them with me (only child). At least my DM isn't caring carrot about that, she sat like this when DS played Guess Who with me on Boxing day.

Campaign for a carrot emoticon??

My most teeth grating comment was from my 'D'Sis. When I told her about his diagnosis, her reaction was 'but, he's fine really isn't he?'
Well, he is. Apart from an inability to read social cues, to cope with new sensory experiences, to handle new food (this was overseas where he wouldn't eat anything as it 'tasted funny').
Apart from all his movement problems which mean he cant ride a bike, use knife and fork together, has had huge problems learning to write.
Apart from his behaviour which can lead him to lash out at his sisters.

But, no, he's fine actually. No worries.

My favourite one was DS's maths teacher a couple of years ago...

DS has had (specifically for his writing issues, he's had more intervention than just this) 4 years of OT, done 3 different handwriting programmes at primary and has done daily exercises with theraputty and what have you since he was 7, so he can now write his name legibly and possibly a short sentence after that...any more and he can't even read it back.

Obviously this impacts his maths, the teacher was complaining that the shaped pens DS has didn't write numbers evenly because he has a terrible pen grip and could we give him ordinary pens or pencils, I said yes, I gave him those pens because he finds them easier, but if it's not working for you that's fine.

He then said...

You know you get worksheets for handwriting, my son had messy handwriting so I spent a few weeks doing those with him and it's all sorted now.

The reason it's my favourite is because I actually did lose my temper with him (he'd already annoyed me by only addressing DP and insisting that DS's lack of progress was fine) I told him that DS had had 4 years of OT, done 3 different handwriting programmes and that I'd spent years doing hand exercises with him - but no, I'd never done WORKSHEETS and with all due respect I don't think they're really likely to resolve it when nothing else is going to...

Usually I just nod and smile, not that saying any of that made any difference to the teacher, but it did make the student teacher he had with him look at him in absolute horror - which made it worth it.

Or, 'as long as he is happy' or 'I'm sure he is not even aware of it'.......Grrrrrr.

My MIL told me after reading the Ed Pysch report in to my DD which stated that it was difficult to get her to engage and focus on activities and that during carpet time she needed one on one support to stay on the carpet that pre school just needed to make things more interesting and then she would engage!

Riiigghhhtt.

denial much? And she's a primary school teacher.

First line of ds' first proposed statement:

DS is a lovely looking boy with a winning smile.

I kid you not.

tabulahrasa - Grrrr for you!

It's the same mentality that allows a teacher to say to me when my Aspie 10 year old is refusing to go inside a class because of a bad day of anxiety, 'my daughter used to be clingy too, I had to put my foot down'.

If someone said that now I would say, here you go then, you get him in and best of luck with those methods!

We do need a carrot of the month award - shall we start a thread for nominations! The best could then be posted on AIBU for giggles, (step away from the edge boc - you have a meeting later .

My sister gave me an IKEA carrot for Xmas. She thinks I should take it to all meetings and plonk it in the middle of the table and sing to it when it's obvious that I can't fix stupid. Song choice should be "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition".

Caring carrot came about because apparently if I sliced DS's packed lunch carrots he'd have been miraculously cured of the severe anxiety & ASD traits that led to him wetting himself 3-4 times a day in reception. .

The BEST professionals I've come across have been the ones who were able to say "I'm not sure", or "I don't know" in response to a question. Those are the only types it's worth seeing a second time.

I've long been personally convinced you could cut out 3/4 of the names on the payroll of the SN industry and only see a marked improvement in outcomes for children as a result. As we can't do that I'd like to propose a motion that all meetings should have an a4 sheet sent out the week before listing the desired outcome, and be forbidden from lasting longer than 20 minutes. Oh and that meetings about meetings and any form of panel other than the Tribunal one should be forbidden outright.

oh and before anyone asks - yes I have tried lavender oil to help with my sons sleep issues, night waking and sleep walking. A saftey gate that's capable of holding his weight at the top of the stairs would still be of more benefit though.

Actually snorted at the thought of the carrot coming out when you realise you can't fix stupid boc Maybe we someone who is not me could embroider that on the green sticky-up bits of our award?

Although I have been alternately grinnig and wincing at these, it must be said that many many people are not doing the bleeding obvious with their kids, so that must be flagged up. The folk seeing you do not know how you live your lives or what kind of person you are and remember, they are seeing hundreds of people.
Many are totally outrageous though.

Tabulah, I wonder why your ds did so many different things if progress was so limited? Why didn't the OT change tack?

PS Star, were you not aware that every single bloody report starts with Sion/David/Lisa/Jeremy is a delightful child?

It is so incredibly irrelevant and vacuous.

'I've long been personally convinced you could cut out 3/4 of the names on the payroll of the SN industry and only see a marked improvement in outcomes for children as a result. As we can't do that I'd like to propose a motion that all meetings should have an a4 sheet sent out the week before listing the desired outcome, and be forbidden from lasting longer than 20 minutes. Oh and that meetings about meetings and any form of panel other than the Tribunal one should be forbidden outright.'

I'm with you all the way on this Bochead!

DD had a lovely 'report' written on her at her IEP update meeting yesterday. I will have to cut and paste some super awesomely helpful sections for you all to enjoy.

My favourite useful way to meet is to be presented with a report during the meeting and then have it read to me for fifteen minutes. DD can't read big words yet. I can.

mummymog

'Tabulah, I wonder why your ds did so many different things if progress was so limited? Why didn't the OT change tack?'

That was progress, honestly, lol...For a while there it looked like he'd not even be able to write that much and combine that with the fact that he can be a bit resistant to interventions, he's done pretty well.

I really don't mind if a professional wants to brainstorm some stuff (done it several times to come up with suitable leisure activities in the area for DS with ASD outreach for instance).

I've just agreed to mentor some Mums for the indy charity that helped me keep my head on straight in the run up to Tribunal. Although I really, really want to pay it forward, I'm a little concerned that my increasingly beligerant attitude to "parenting support workers" and the like may do more harm than good. .

I'm taking my Ikea carrot to the first session on Friday, if only to raise a smile.

Oh ok. Just interested as he certainly gets top marks for tenacity if he did all that! [smil]

Oh he's stubborn tenacious, lol

Oh - one to wind up Moondog

DS' previous HT: Motivation needs to be intrinsic, not extrinsic!

I'd be asking for the evidence for that particular assertion (oh and would also ask if she comes to work because yunno it's extrinsically reinforcing to be with kiddies.)

Our first paed's report did indeed start off with "ds is a delightful child"

But hahahahahahahhahahahahahaHA at "lovely looking with a winning smile"