I think I may have been offered a caring carrot today...

[hazeyjane]

...ds was being observed by a learning disability nurse today at nursery, in the hope that she can help come up with a plan wrt ds's separation anxiety when he starts preschool in April.

Ds was having a good day, he has now had 2 of these since starting 16 months ago, it has been a long hard slog to even get him to look at his keyworker, or play without having a hand on my leg at all times, or scream for most of the session, and I can't leave the room without him going into a complete meltdown.

After watching him for the session, and listening to his keyworker explain the severity of his separation anxiety, her suggestion was, 'have you tried telling ds that you are just popping out to the loo, and will be back in a minute?.....'

Obviously all our problems are solved now, phew.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

I got it changed to something like:

DS is a capable learner with the right support

or some such. It's a long time since I've looked at the statement and now he's at a special school, I'm probably the only one who ever has.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Also, ds' paed wrote in her report 'ds has some strengths. In particular, he is a visual learner'.

Got that taken out too. WTF is a visual learner?

What I saw when I read that was a lifetime full of badly delivered PECS and I was going to stop that in it's tracks.

[bialystockandbloom]

More like 'now and next' boards!

But of course he's a visual learner - he has asd, right? You know they are always visual learners...

[bochead]

Visual learner is a really wierd one for me as it's such a complex mix for DS.

DS is severely dyslexic cos of visual tracking and convergence issues yet going to a school where BSL is regularly used in PE, assembly and some mainstream lessons has been of amazing theraputic value for his receptive language and non-verbal skills. We use every kind of visual aid known to man for general organisation and planning as we are both scatty as fook. His handwriting & drawing skills are abysmal (LOTS of therapy) yet the 3D stuff he produces is outstanding.

His visual skills are both his greatest strength and one of his biggest weaknesses as far as school goes, yet I hear this phrase trotted out so often. leaves me well confuddled. I suppose I'm trying to say he's a child for whom visual aids can be of tremendous benefit, but the specific aids needed aren't often of the bog standard "ASD therefore he needs this stock kit item" variety.

Now and next boards had me in stitches - they were wheeled out at a time when DS had NO concept of time elapsed whatsoever - talk about useless. Moondogs clock and calender idea were the foundations needed before a now and next board could even be attempted - 2 years later lol!

Imagination - it's really lacking in the SN industry at times isn't it!

[MummytoMog]

Oh yeah, the visual learner line. If I hear that one more time I might have to say something very rude. PECS was fine, but only really useful for about two months. Now they're onto colourful semantics, because shes such a visual learner and has an amazing 'almost photographic memory'. I have a photographic memory. It's not really all that useful to be honest. I'd rather they spent more time doing social groups and turn taking and less time wafting stupid bits of card in front of her that she just reads anyway

[bochead]

My late Dad had a photographic memory, meant his logic/comprehension was sometimes a little "odd", especially if he was tired/unwell (we think now he would have qualified for a dyspraxic diagnosis had such things been around).

It's a VERY unsual savant-style skill that would scare the bejesus out of any caring carrot were they to come across it in RL. (A child or parent able to quote the SenCop in full at will anyone?) Never met anyone else with a true photographic memory.

[MerryCouthyMows]

My latest one from the HV today : "Are you sure you are praising him for attempting to sign, because then he will start using more signs and be motivated to use other signs too".

No, oh wise HV who has been working with children for less time than I have had DC's with speech delays, I thought he would magically start using Makaton if I left the worksheet in front of him, ignored him continuously and didn't get him milk when he signs for it. Because that would make sense, wouldn't it...

[MerryCouthyMows]

And apparently they don't start 'proper' speech therapy until 3yo here now. Just Makaton worksheets until then. No answer as to WHAT their SALT difficulty is, no help on how to get them to talk (other than 7 pages FULL of caring carrot advice, containing such gems as 'play with your child', 'sit facing them', 'be sure to over exaggerate your speech')...

Basically a whole ton of no shit Sherlock for an entire year, all the while he is struggling to pick up the signs because of his Hypermobility, he is trying to eat the laminated PECS cards I have made and doing a surprisingly stellar job of it too, considering they're laminated, and bugger all else.

How many caring carrots should I give for 7 pages of no shit Sherlock advice?!

[signandsmile]

oooo, just realised I was carroted by my SiL,
"why don't they teach him to speak instead of teaching him to sign?"

so that's what I was supposed to do Doh!

[bochead]

I got a couple of sing and sign DVD's off ebay and used them as a guide for our own version every morning for 15 minutes. I'm not pretending in anyway it's akin to any sort of professional therapy but as a source of inspiration for your own DIY while you wait for the real deal it might act as a source of inspiration?

(If that's a Grandma suck eggs comment - forgive me).

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Oh yes. DS did colourful semantics. I thought the idea was interesting so engaged with an open mind.

What a load of rubbish. Perhaps for other children it might be of benefit but honestly, I think it pure benefit was to give the SALT and then TA 'something to do'.

[MummytoMog]

When they say 'photographic' they mean that she remembers stuff very easily, but it's not like she looks at a page and can reproduce it exactly. They mean like my memory, where I have ridiculously good short term recall, but I couldn't look at a page or a picture and reproduce it later (but it did make me very good at continuity when I worked in films). The thing is, like with me, is that it's not just visual. This is the child who picks up theme tunes and phrases in one hearing (and I think a lot of echolalic kids do the same) so she obviously is an aural learner as well. So what is the use of saying she's a visual learner?

Oh, and why do they always say shit like 'we think DD is really bright' when you know full well they don't. They're saying that to appease me, but there's no real way of gauging how bright she is at the moment, obviously I think she's bright, but I'm her mother.

I'm not mad keen on colourful semantics. They want to use a lot of photo cards as well and PECS died a very brutal death in our household (DS chewed up all the cards in DD's PECS book. Then put them in the woodburner). I don't think photo cards are really going to work any better.

I have masses of PECS cards that I laminated left over btw if anyone wants me to post them out.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Ah mummy yes professionals are always saying ds' is bright, just before they rattle off that they are working with him 3 levels below the national curriculum.


Indpendent professionals also have their moments. Both our SALT and EP have attempted to reassure me by stating that ds doesn't JUST have ASD, he also has a lot going for him because his dad is very intelligent.

Er - yeah. Thanks

[ouryve]

starlight - DS1's last statement started "DS1 is a happy boy"

I made them change that. He defaults to sullen and angry.

[wasuup3000]

I got 2 carrots today from the head at my daughters school:

"What about when she goes to train station, how is she going to cope then"?

^^DD doesn't like assemblies because of the noise, hustle, bustle, crowds and erm germs...Major meltdown today because she didn't want to go to school because of this.

"Does she get her own way when she has meltdowns"!

[bochead]

Star your "bright" comments really resonated here - got that one at parents evening yesterday just before being told that DS has been moved to the pivot levels on the NC (what they do in desperation when a kid is so far behind the expected NC levels that even referring to them in passing has become a waste of time yet "progress" still needs to be proven.).

He's so "bright" is right up there with "have you tried lavender oil" on my list of most despised caring carrot comments of all time. I'm at my wits end now over his lack of academic progress and they tell me he's "bright"

[moondog]

Lavendar oil????

Unbloddy believable.
What numpty said that?

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Well, if he is bright and far behind his peers, my question would be what the bloody hell are they doing to close the gap between ability and performance!

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Because they don't mean that they think he is bright. What they are 'really' saying is:

'We have low expectations for your child but don't want to spend any money on him, so he isn't capable of anything, but can do everything without help'

[StarlightMcKenzie]

or that he is bright for a child with ASD who we have been trained to have low expectations for.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Yes, that might be what they mean, but that is what I would be saying.

[BaggyKnickers]

Talking of lavender reminded me of this old Sendist case about an exclusion here. The child had ASD and one of the strategies used by school was to spray him with lavender oil

[bochead]

PIVATS (sorry got spelling wrong) actually looks like a massive investment of time and energy for the teacher. www.rotherhamparentpartnership.com/pdf/factsheets/plevelsandpivats.pdf
To willingly take on this burden of paperwork is very admirable. In terms of actually WANTING to help DS generally this school deserves mucho kudos. I really do appreciate the effort, but am just not sure how it's going to improve the outcome iyswim.

It also really hurts to get the formal acknowledgement after spending the whole of KS1 being condescendingly told "he'll catch up" by every caring carrot in the system from the Ed Pysch to teachers to now see it being made official that actually no he won't. Unless of course you consider NC levels of 2ish by the end of Primary to be "caught up" in a child that everyone said for years had nothing wrong with him.

Bright to the general population means on course for medical school or Oxbridge, "bright" in SN terms means "presents as a having slightly higher intellectual capacity than a chicken".

The lavender oil is the standard caring carrot suggestion to hearing that DS has major sleep maintenance issues Moondog. Maybe it makes you "bright" enough to accept the caring carrots diabolically low expectations if you drink it? I dunno anymore.