I'm so upset at what the teacher just said to us :"(

[sweetteamum]

Dh and I have just been to parents evening for ds, 10 and in year 5. He's under assessment for asd symptoms (but not asd), ADHD, dyspraxia

Well, I wasn't expecting what was to come. It seems ds hasn't progressed for just a few of the reasons listed below:

His attitude to learning is bad

His behaviour isn't the best

He's refused to do work for a temp ta

He's still fidgeting

He's still restless

He's still swinging on his chair (has now been given a stool to sit on instead)

His writing could be better and he's a slow writer

The teacher said school are doing all they can but its all down to Charlie now.

A month ago I asked for a temp halt on homework as he's been so depressed that he's been looking at some very worrying things on Internet. We were told there is a whole school policy and ds has been loosing break or at least ten minutes of it. We were told they are the rules and they wouldn't take into consideration ANY of his difficulties.

I meantioned differentiation (there is none) and making allowances but its not up for discussion. We were hurried out as you only get 5 minutes and we were ten!

I will be writing to the head and while we met with him on the way out I said I wanted copies of sen, disability and any other relevant details tomorrow. I also told him I was not happy, which I'm sure he could tell anyway!!

Oh and when we suggested he get some help with work etch, we were told that he's getting enough teacher time as it is!!

if i might be so bold i'll re-write your DS CT's words for you

His attitude to learning is bad - DS doesn't understand what is expected?

His behaviour isn't the best - DS has difficulty maintaining the best behaviour

He's refused to do work for a temp ta - DS was put off by a stranger in his class

He's still fidgeting - DS is uncomfortable

He's still restless - see above

He's still swinging on his chair (has now been given a stool to sit on instead) - DS is sensory seeking or soothing by rocking

His writing could be better and he's a slow writer - so what

The teacher said school are doing all they can but its all down to Charlie now. - CT is at a loss and needs support himself

ok either move him or battle a bit first :)

Dont be upset with your DS for a start as he is obviously not getting the support or if he was he wouldnt be having such difficulties!

BIG mistake number one forfeiting children with ADHD their playtime.............they need MORE playtime not less. Short breaks away from his desk would do him good to recharge his learning batteries. My DS attention span is between 7 and 9 mins. BIG mistake number two. Expecting a child with ADHD to stop fidgeting. They will they always will its how you help them fidget that is the ticket. Give him a fiddle toy, wobble cushion or again time away for a run around the hall, kicking a ball, even sweeping the hall floor for the fun of it. Heavy muscle work is great and grounds some children long enough to cope with another ten mins work.

Dont go and see the HT before you WRITE (email?) a letter to the ht and to the senco. Sorry but from old experience if you state your concerns in writing there is no back tracking from what you would like to see.

Does he have a statement? if not apply forget the school doing it. I have a feeling this is all going to be you doing the hard work here.

Go armed with what YOU want to see happening. print off some internet bits on behaviour support for dcs with adhd or sensory processing disorder that will benefit him.

another one is giving him a head start at playtime so he is charging around and bring him in 5 mins BEFORE the others for "down time" such as a story so he winds down ready to learn.

There is a lot I could suggest but it all depends on if you think the school will follow.

I would remind them that he is undergoing assessments and a bit of tolerance would be appreciated. We kept getting school saying that ds had to be treated like everyone else as he had no diagnosis even though he was on a full time statement! Complain and see how it goes otherwise I would be starting to look for a more understanding school if I were you. Have they given him detentions for his difficulties yet? That is what some schools like to do

And so he writes slow BIG DEAL. He is still writing.

Homework. NOT a necessity. Just plain stop doing it. Nothing they can do about that and nor can they punish him for it. Tell them he is having a hard enough job coping during the day so the school has pointed out so until measures are put into place homework will not be done as this is adding to the stress at present.

Sorry but I have heard this all before and it soooo winds me up x

If a teacher says your chi,d can't learn, what they're actually saying is 'I don't know how to teach your child!' Your son is probably unable to make progress because of how they're teaching him and they need to probably revise his Iep and make sure they work on areas of weaknesses they've identified positive.y first, so that your son can then let them teach him. It's not down to your son to take whatever crap teaching they're giving him but down to them to facilitate his learning.

You could try getting the proffessional you are seeing to write to the school (and copy you in) asking them to treat your son as IF he has asd, adhd etc and list some suggestions in the meantime? ok so he doesnt have asd but has some traits so these cannot be ignored.

Keep a diary going. I think you may just need it x

I think you've thought the same as me. As he was reaming all this off I was thinking how much he must of been struggling.

I don't know what we are going to do about schools. This one is completely useless, yet when I looked into moving him the ones I went to visit just were the same - we're going round in circles.

He doesn't have a statement currently, but after the meeting tonight, I think we need to apply for one, sooner rather than later!!

He's getting breaktime detentions for not completing homework. Although the teacher said it's not a punishment but other children are giving up their time to do the homework so it's up to ds to give some time up in the day.

I was reminding him that a child with adhd should not be kept in but it was falling on deaf ears.

Thanks for the idea of writing a letter re' homework. Thats another letter I will do tonight, as well as wanting a copy of all school records.

DS doesn't tell me everything so i'm not sure how much a diary would help. I already keepa diary of his behaviour at home,so hope that'll come in handy.

I am pleased that you also think the lack of progression is due to the actual teachers, rather than him himself. I just can't believe that they are blaming their crap teaching on ds and his attitude.

Hi sweetteamum, we are going through the referral process with our school for my son, suspect he has ADHD symptoms. I read the Tinsley House thread on MN & took so much peace of mind from the advice on there. If you haven't already read Robin Pauc's book 'Is that my child' then I think it would help you through this period while waiting for the assessment. I have applied as much of Robin's advice to my son & have seen some improvement which has made the waiting time a bit less stressful, it's calmed both him and us. Hope this is helpful to you.

of course they will blame your DS it cant be their WONDERFUL caring attitude can it ...

find out what time is break time and collect your ds for his break. Tell them straight that if they are unable to allow him to excercise and wind down from the learning then you will take him out of school to walk around the block. They will soon get the message you are not going away.

He is being punished detention is just that. DD didnt do her homework and had detention where she plainly did nothing but sat there. This is to show that the teachers wasted their time planning the homework so they are now wasting her time (daft utter daft I know) but its still punishment for something he is unable to cope with.

Diary of everything you experience from the school for yourself just incase you do come to loggerheads and need legal advise from IPSEA or somewhere. Also if school mention anything log it and also ask them how they dealt with it and log that down too!

Reason is you will be able to tell them whats NOT working and you will form a pattern of events to help you work out what is causing your sons stress x

Hi, I don't want to identify myself but happy to share an experience if you pm me

That's a great idea about break. I know what time it is so I will write and say that each Friday, I will be collecting Ds at . . .

So far, my diary has concluded that Ds's frustration is mainly due to school!! I am considering writing some replies to his comments - maybe not as direct as those already suggested but they will feature - do you think this is a good idea?

What about a wobble cushion? Ds is definitely fidgeting less since getting one.

The teacher doesn't seem to accept he's any different and doesn't want him to stand out. Although, he's happy for him to stand out and use a stool rather than a chair!

Has the OT seen him? If not you can self refer just ring the local hospital up and ask for form.

Ot hasn't seen him yet and the doc was supposed to of referred him a couple of weeks ago - hadn't realised I only needed to contact local hospital to self refer. I may chase that up tomorrow too! :)

The school sounds crap. If you get nowhere with the head, then complain higher up.

Good luck x