DH to give up work and claim benefits?

[ariane5]

We have 4 dcs 11,6,3 and 8m.

All dcs have a genetic condition. Dd1 also has a heart problem and ds1 has many issues as well as genetic prob (allergies/ migraine/speech probs)
All 3 older dcs have reduced mobility and suffer pain fatigue and frequent joint dislocations.
Dd1 and ds1 receive dla.

Dd2 was also diagnosed with t1 diabetes last week.dh has been off work with no pay as I can't manage everything-the appts/physio and now inj and caring for the baby.

I don't drive and have no family who can help.up untill now dh has always worked but now I really need him here to help me with dcs-if they all have a bad day I can't manage
[Sad]

Dh really doesn't want to give up his job but I can't see any other way we can manage with the dcs disabilities.he said he needs to work or he will go mad at home.he wants to go back next week but I want him to give up so we can care for dcs together full time.

I feel so desperate and I need him to help me

Also...what is the point is asking why OP has had 4 children. She can hardly return them can she!

Of course the children can't be put back, but so many people wondering why OP and her DH have got themselves into this position might make them realise that they have to take responsibility for the choices they made.

You make your bed, you lie in it.

Yes we got back together and got married in june.

Things have been difficult we have had many many problems I'm not ashamed.by all means look at previous posts if it helps you to untangle the mess that is my life then give the appropriate response.

fucking hell. some real thick as shit responses to this thread!

OP i'd have this moved to SN or somehwere you might get proper advice.

Oh I see....they CHOSE to have disabled children. Riiiight!

How lovely you are Clouds.

Op is looking into IVF treatment?????. Ffs

Autism has a genetic component.....I chose to have a child....I am on benefits.....would you like to judge me too?

ffs how nasty.
mn is mad. some show off boasts about how much money she has and has sympathy.
here a poster is at the end of their tether and gets vile posts.
horrid

OP seriously,I think before your DH (congratulations on your marriage by the way) does give up work.all avenues should be explored. It may well be that the best thing is for him to care for the children alongside you,but SS may well be able to help you and he won't need to.

I think it is a valid point to ask why?

We all have compassion here (mostly) but as op had a taste of how trying her life was with 2/3 why make it more difficult?

I am really sympathetic to you op but there comes a point in life when you must take on board the fact that you also have to make sensible choices.

I genuinely don't believe 'accidents' happen that often.

Not saying that is in the case here, obviously but I'm sick of hearing it on MN.

You sound really lovely clouds.

IMO there is no place for the phrase "you made your bed now lie in it" with regards to disabled children.

Disgusting.

The IVF is irrelevant as it might give them the chance of a child without a disability.....still wont change the fact that two children are disabled.

there has been some helpful suggestions but AIBU is never going to be a cake walk is it?

hopefully this will get moved and things will simmer down

They didn't choose disabled children, but they chose to have a fourth child when by the OPs own admission she was already not coping.

The fact that I can see common sense doesn't have a bearing on how lovely I am or am not.

The OP didn't ask if she had been unreasonable to have 4 children...

YANBU for wanting the extra support at home. But your DH has a job that he doesn't want to give up - I think he might regret it in the future should he resign and then find it difficult to re-enter the workplace.

Is there a halfway measure? Could he go part-time, or work from home? Have you explored all avenues of what other help may be available to you - charity grants to fund a carer for example?

Good luck

i had 3 not realising there was a problem or that it was was genetic, only got picked up after 3rd

Using the phrase "you made your bed now lie in it" tells me the kind of person you are clouds.

The sort of person that will take responsibility for her own actions perhaps?

I do not think your DH giving up work would be a good idea in your situation, given the histroy, which I think is very important here, won't heis family just see it as more excuse to sponge money from your family, will he still be expected to help out at his db's business but with no financial recompense at all? I think looking for respite , outside help etc would be a much better idea, and if you learn to drive you will be able to free a lot of the money used for taxis, maybe find an evenming driving instuctor that won't affect hospital appointment times.

Nope.

Hi everyone,

Thanks to all those who brought this thread to our attention. We're going to move this thread out of AIBU now, as we do not feel it's the best place for it.

The IVF is not irrelevant, given that op is posting how she can't cope now, and proposing that her DH gives up work to live off the state in order to help her.
Who would decide to throw another baby into that mix?

IVF, seriously?

As I said OP, don't do anything without looking at all the options. It took me 18 months of reduced hours etc before I realised that combining work with my son's support needs was not going to work. It's not great being on benefits but I don't have any doubt about the fact I made the right decision.

You and your DH need to make the decision which suits your family best. Do SS give you any support (I know it's hard to get this but might be worth asking)?