senco driving us mad.

[pinkum]

hay. i have 1 6 year old ds with adhd, anxiety and a bunch of other stuff. and another 4 1/2 year old ds with adhd and od.
the senco didnt realy think there was a problem with ds1 untill he tried to deliberatly kill himself in front of them at school. now they say hes differnt with a capital D.
now they are having lots of trouble with ds 2 he has huge meltdowns untill he wets himself. just before xmas he was sent home for one and we were told it was on the grounds that he was making himself ill.
i had a meeting with the senco and the head. when the head left the room the senco started saying that it was our parenting style. even though cahms and eveyone else has sais were great with them.
she takes everyhthing i say and turns it around. for example when she told me i should spent all my time sitting and playing with them and i pointed out that it was impractical and that i did need to so some things like cook etc and i had a life to run she said later. you cant expect to have a life thay are your life. like i spend all my time down the pub.
i dont know what to say to her. she twists everything i say. its very demoralising.
when i told them he has adha they huffed and said hes just very young and tired.
so im right back to them thinking its my parenting.

Can you look for a different school and just ignore her stupidity until then?

send everything back in an email in our discussion it was stated that your opinion was,,, take notes in meetings with senco. confirm from cahms that you are doing a good job if you have it in writing. tell her that parenting courses recommend that you spend short bursts of time with the children, wwhen they seek attention and that her knowledge is woefully out of date cow bag (oops couldn't hel it guv, slipped out )

mmm i do feel; like doing a huge email setting her straight putting all her miss undersatndings into context. shes obsesed with what we read the boys at night. we once read them lord of the rings. she shays we should be reading them, flopsy bunnys. and even told the family support worker that they were having nightmare cos we were reading them lord of the rings.
we have no intention of leaving the school though. its a good school.

She's a bully. It's unlikely they treat kids any better than parents. Run

When I had probs with our SENCO I complained to the Governors. It certainly seemed to 'focus minds' on what role the SEN had in the problems I was reporting, and away from our parenting. But you say this crap SENCO said this stuff when the HT was gone. Can you 'clarify' the issues with HT instead? Can you request to meet with HT and CT??

Handy xx

What is a good about this school then? The outstanding ofsted report - I always view those as a warning sign that they care more about ofsted and league tables than children.

The abovementioned school is also Ofsted Outstanding.

The HT left and the SENCO carried on with her own meeting.....

Email is necessary in that the HT is unaware of what was said and if anything had been decided upon.

I would really do a "just to clarify" sort of email "in case I misunderstood" and ask the HT to confirm by email.

I am not sure about good school tbh I hear alarm bells if there is a self opinionated senco with her own ideas who huffs at adhd.

Cover your back, minute meetings always.

Just for the record he was sent home as he was "making himself ill" is that logged anywhere? because if you suddenly find this becomes a frequent thing they are unofficially excluding him with a poor excuse for not meeting his needs.

It is also a good log to have to prove that he has issues at school for statement purposes.

What strategies do they have in place for him?

the school has been mostly very suportive its in a great location and its a very loving encouraging confidence builing environment. i like the head, shes very competant. i want to work with them to help my boys, but the senco is driving me mad.
this all happened in the last week of term so i am still waiting on a letter which i will chase. they refused to do a fixed term exclusion. on the grounds that he was making himself i'll. i felt that the teacher was asking for help and not getting it so sent him home. then when i asked questions they closed ranks.

pinkum, if the SENCO is not your childs teacher then limit your contact with her to the essential form filling and channel all your discussions and issues via the teacher and the head.
If there are things you feel are not dealt with efficiently send a polite but to the point letter to the head.
If they send him home again claiming its because he is ill, make sure you take him to the GP immediatly to have a professional medical opinion.
Sometimes it can be the easy option to get a child who is not adequately supported off the premisis.

i had an encounter with a SENCO who sounds very familiar to yours OP - great school, outstanding OFSTED blah blah blah.

thank fuck for the posters on this section who told me to run for the hills

EVENTUALLY i did, but we have wasted a year of my DDs school life, and only now able to begin to trust schools again

surely the only person who can declare your DS 'unfit for school' is your GP?

mymatemax thats the approach my Ds's school have started to take, I always seem to get the calls at times when he becomes prone to outbursts eg playing games at the christmas party, change of usual routine eg practicing for the school concert. Come to think of it they have started ringing me to tell me my Dd was upset.....20 mins before the end of school .

oh forgot to ask mymate what if OP's Dc seems absolutly fine when leaving school would it still be wise to go to the GP??

Yes, if you think they are using illness as an excuse to get a child out of the school then ensure that you take them to the doctors for unbias medical opinion.
Either the school are just trying to get the child off of their grounds or the child (maybe through anxiety/stress etc) may exhibit physical symptoms that settle once out of the school environment.
Either way a visit to the doctor to give him a clean bill of health will add evidence that the child needs additional support or intervention at school.
If the child appears well when collected ask the school to jot down the symptoms/reason for you being asked to collect to discuss with the doctor.. that way you have a something in writting from them & they realise its not an easy way out for them.
If the child is genuinely distressed & is showing physical symptoms as a result then the GP is a good starting place to get additional psychological support.

Saga, you just need to outsmart them

Do you have an official diagnosis?

i just got a dignosis over the phone from the peditrican. havent had a letter yet. adhd with high levels of hyperactivity impulsivity and opositional.
as i said when i told the school head and senco they just snorted and said that hes just young for his age and tired. i retorted then his behavour will be fine when he comes back to school after a rest.
but they already have him stay at home on a friday and give me stuff to teach him, because hes too tired.
i mean, i know hes a handful, im his mum. but acording to the senco im just handling it all wrong.
i like the idea of taking him to the docter though, thats a good one.
whats saga?