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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

tribunal - how do you cope with the stress of it all?

22 replies

bjkmummy · 08/12/2012 10:40

we are doing it ourselves with a bit of help from the NAS - just finding it now we are quite a way into it just completely overwhelming and taking over my life. My tribunal is in february and already im dreading christmas as i know i am going to be worrying so much about it.

everyone tells me the case is clear cut - current school cannot meet his needs, they are even attending as our witness but its starting to get quite nasty with the LA. they have finally agreed to consult school - 2 special schools and a god awful one which we removed our son from 18 months ago! i think that is just plain spiteful of them as they know we would never place him back there. he has been off school for the last 2 days as his anxiety has been too much for him - school phoned on thursday and asked me to take him home. he is only in school part time so have the stress of that, plus an elder autistic son who is in a special school but doesnt get transport so have to transport him to and back every day and then another daughter.

i have asked the LA for information re autism outreach which they refused to answer so asked them again and gave thema deadline of yesterday - no response. sent a letter to the NHS asking for info re OT , deadline yesterday - no response, awaiting report from our ed psych which is due any day now so worried about that, what will it say, will it be good enough etc. waiting to see what the LA are going to do next, will they send their ed psych to see him, LA trying to get me to agree to him staying longer at school even though we have a sick note for him, i just feel my whole life has been taken over by this and i am not even asking for the world. the only person who really is suffering is my 9 year old son. i get frustrated at DH as he is not really involved - its all on my shoulders although he does try his best and has been happy so far to write the cheques but now need to break it to him that in Jan our OT going in to do an update report which we will of course have to pay for.

thanks for reading so far - i remember reading a thread before warning about ho wtribunal will take over your life and my god they were so right

OP posts:

badgerparade · 08/12/2012 10:59

Well,you're further along the journey than me but I do understand how stressful it is. I have to name a school this week and have already returned the sm to the LA with over 30 amendments so have the stress of waiting for their response just before Christmas. School also have admitted they can't meet needs and he has to get out of there as soon as possible for the sake of his health. Just keep plodding on with the eye on the prize as it were. All their failure to reply is more good evidence for you really.

ArthurPewty · 08/12/2012 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scottishdancer · 08/12/2012 11:31

We are also in the same situation. Our tribunal is in March, Yesterday was the deadline for LEA to respond. On Thursday they asked for some more information and I had to rush around trying to get it to them by yesterday, and then tribunal gave them an extension of two weeks! Like op it has taken over my life. Ds is 10 and is really struggling. He has had 3 days off in last 2 weeks and then there are all the assessments, we have had to have private assessments done and then suddenly the school want theirs done ( the ones we have been asking for for the last 2 years.)

Leonie When you say they pulled out, did you get what you wanted?

StarOfLightMcKings3 · 08/12/2012 11:36

Once you have done one you are changed. You become fearless and the thought of doing it again is more met with a weary sigh than fear.

wasuup3000 · 08/12/2012 11:45

The tribunal itself is OK the outcome from the tribunal depends on what judge/panal you get and how experienced/good/bad they are. The day itself - the hearing is OK.

cansu · 08/12/2012 17:09

I think it does kind of take over your life. I spent hours on the cases as I have done tribunals for both ds and dd. after ds tribunal I didn't actually think I could go through it again but I had to in the end. You have to focus on the end result. For us winning the tribunal has meant ds is in a great school and I no longer worry about his education. I used to comfort myself with two thoughts- 1 that I was doing something meaningful and important to help my dc with their disability and that this was something no one else could do for them and 2 that it would eventually be over and I could return to normal life as there was an end in sight. I also felt it was worth it as even if I wasn't successful, by doing it myself I would make sure we didn't put ourselves into huge amounts of debt at the end of the process. Stay strong and also consider that the lea are likely to be pitifully underprepared. I was shocked at. How pathetic their preparation was in some respects.

Shellywelly1973 · 10/12/2012 01:17

I no right now your head is bursting with everything. But my Ds7 started an independent ss funded by our LEA last February.

I didn't end up going through a tribunal due to LEA's hideous incompetence!

My ds has improved so much,only in the last couple of weeks but I've never seen him so happy.

You know this is the most important thing you will ever do for your child...

It will end,take care of yourself -the best you can.

Original poster

bjkmummy · 10/12/2012 07:48

I'm not even asking for the world - just a school that can meet his needs. Got the independent EP report last night - feel like my heart has been ripped out. All that money to tell me how much he struggles. Also details so many other things he struggles with. Just makes me angry when you compare it to the LA report a mere few pages long and this one is 30 pages. Part of me now just wants to stop this farce of sending him to school which is causing him harm as he is so anxious that he is vomiting. He was sent home last Thursday due to it do kept him off on Friday. He's only doing half days as it is. In the next half an hour it will start, him saying he feels unwell, the vomiting etc but we are so brainwashed that we must send him to school. The EP report says he needs psychiatric help for his anxiety. To date the LA have done nothing. I emailed them last week to say he was out of school , no response. There is 7 days left of this term - is it really worth it? He has a GP note for the afternoons off school. Ewo has never contacted me and he's been part time since June.

OP posts:

KOKOagainandagain · 10/12/2012 07:58

Your poor DS . Are you able to get a report/letter from a medical consultant authorising absence pending the outcome of tribunal?

Original poster

bjkmummy · 10/12/2012 08:34

OP posts:

KOKOagainandagain · 10/12/2012 08:51

My tribunal is not til May. DS1 (12 tomorrow) was unable to make the transition to secondary school and has been at home since September. The absence is medically authorised and so he receives the minimum home tuition from the lea and will until tribunal. As long as he made it into school (or as long as I was able to persuade him) the damage it did to his pyschological/mental health was not taken seriously. It is difficult to overcome the brainwashing but sometimes it is necessary. I cannot imagine preparing for tribunal with the level of stress and anxiety that DS1 being in school brought. Being out of school and coming down from chronic high stress levels is part of repairing the damage that has been caused by the education system thus far not just being in the right school.

santaclaw5 · 10/12/2012 09:08

Mine is in January and the LA are pulling out all the stops, ive had all kinds of threats.

Ds has been out of school for months, they havent offered any kind of education for ds, only reported me to child protection. I even had a SW banging on my door this morning, apparently she is going to ensure that ds gets to school, despite being told not to.

Ds didnt sleep until 6am, which also means that i didnt sleep until 6am, as he was scared that social worker would be coming today.

As for coping, no helpful advice other than you HAVE to cope, there isnt an alternative.

StarOfLightMcKings3 · 10/12/2012 09:12

So presumably social worker didn't manage it?

KOKOagainandagain · 10/12/2012 09:17

Has DS had the EP assessment yet (sorry for hijack)

santaclaw5 · 10/12/2012 09:26

Star, i didnt open the door.

Keep, yes EP assessment draft report is due today.

Original poster

bjkmummy · 10/12/2012 11:22

claw - ive been following your joourney - we have a social worker -s he is aware what is going on, she even sits in the same office as the SEN officer. i had my elder sons annual review in sept and she said then 'well see you - everything okay' and i actually said - errr no my younger son is out of school could do with some support - she then came out to see me at home but was clear she had been spoken to by the SEN officers so she said very little to me - didnt offer any support etc and has not contacted me again since. J was out of school last thurs/fri - turned up today to find the whole school off to a college today to see a panto which i was completely unaware off - no one had thought to let me know - just hope he has been okay.

OP posts:

santaclaw5 · 11/12/2012 16:11

Thanks bj, i am sure there must be some families who SW's have helped, ive just never heard of any! Its strange one my adult friends is in a wheelchair, it was a sudden accident, rather than a life long disability and she has a SW who has been brilliant helping to get her rehoused and changes made to enable her to live there etc, etc.

Im not sure if the difference is where my friend is an adult, so no parents to blame or school opinions involved or where the disability is physical and obvious, that makes such a huge difference to the way you are treated.

AgnesDiPesto · 11/12/2012 20:17

Claw . I saw your last week's thread before it was deleted but didn't have a chance to reply. If this was a parent behaving like this rather than a so called professional it would be considered harassment!

You might all be interested in this

StarOfLightMcKings3 · 11/12/2012 20:20

Agnes, I agree that claw may well have a case like the one you link to.

Well most of us do, but proving it is the difficult part. I think when this is all over there will be enough evidence though. (which is a gentle nudge to ensure you build evidence even if it isn't for immediate use for this particular battle).

But, - one thing at a time......

AgnesDiPesto · 11/12/2012 20:29

Oh yes, not expecting her to do anything now, not in Claws interests to have home tuition now until Tribunal over - but good to know LAs are occasionally being held to account.

TAturmoil · 11/12/2012 21:11

That is a very interesting case. I have a complaint very similar to that one ongoing so hope that the LA have heard about this and take note!

santaclaw5 · 12/12/2012 18:29

Thanks Agnes, she appears to have backed off for now, after solicitor dealt with it. You can guess what solicitors letter to her boss said and it was copied to a few other people too.

I have a meeting with her very soon, not at home this time and with her manager present too. I am hoping this will be the last.

I will have a read of your link, thanks

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