I WISH I had NEVER done the 'ho ho ho' fib!

[HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly]

Santa.

Seemed like such a great idea when they were little. But they are 12 and 13 and refuse to accept that santa isn't real.

I have tried every which way, including last night saying "I lied to you." putting it as baldly as that. - they aren't coping well with that, I have to tell you!

but they say yes, they understand. And in the next breath are talking about santa coming.

how the HELL do I deal with this? Or am I going to be arguing with 30 year old men that santa isn't real?

Why do you want them to stop believing?

Just interested :)

I am just a bit biased on this subject though as my DD is only just beginning to enjoy Santa ("Anta") this year now she is 6!!

He was real :) st Nicholas is Santa Claus x

He is the patron saint of fishermen, children and giver of gifts. Which is where Father Christmas or Santa Claus is based from. He is saint in quite a few countries.

in diff parts works he is know. From giving gifts to resuming people (brittanica mentioned rescuing babies in a basket when I was young) from saving children from murder etc.

IS real. Rescuing children . Known not know! Good grief not that I am on a iPhone of course!

I want them to stop believing because they are 12 and 13 now and I try so hard to help them to stay 'with' their peers, iyswim. I don't want them to be mocked for still believing in santa as teenagers. Life is hard enough for them, they're different enough, without that. Kids can be cruel

Oh, forgot to say thanks for the ideas!

A "stops when you are a teenager" story seems like a great idea. I've always told mine that he doesn't come to adults so that seed is already sown for me.

Alternatively, just stop doing whatever you do to perpetuate it - so daft token gifts in a stocking, big presents from you.

Are you certain they really believe though? My older two still talk about Santa and they absolutely don't believe.

No, I can't be certain, but they demonstrate that they believe. Asking what santa will bring, talking about how santa brings the gifts doesn't he?

I wonder if they're struggling with the idea that we have lied to them. Do you think that could be it?

When ds1 was 12 -year7 I took him shopping so he could see that the presents came from us, I made a big day of it and told him that he, like other adults has the responsibility to keep the secret safe from primary school children. He still had surprises on the day but they where wrapped in paper he picked. It was horrible being the one to tell, but I was so scared of him telling his peers what Santa had bought him.

HMMM...I am actually glad this has been posted, My Ds 7 (poss ASD) has recently sat down and asked me if santa is real OR is it really Me and Dh??.

At the time I just said I don't know I have never seen him, but at the same time I was also thinking should I just tell him? TBH I like to see the excitement in my Dc on christmas eve it feels really magical (I was devastated when I was told santa didn't exist can't remember how old I was...it was way before my teens!! infact I didn't enjoy christmas anymore until my children came along!) and I don't really want to take that away but then after he told me that everyone at school said santa isn't real it did make me think of how many frustrating moments my Ds may have defending the fact that santa IS real!

Imagination is a wonderful thing in our Dc [no matter what age] and I think that the day we take that away from them they are no longer children IYSWIM, maybe just have a little chat that everyone have their own views some believe, some don't and the older we get we try to keep it a secret as to what we think.

BUT has anyone else ever noticed that one pressie under the tree which has no label...and no-one ever knows were its come from????? I will leave you with that thought....

Ds is 14 and we are avoiding mentioning Santa - but ds is'nt mentioning "him" either. Dh thinks that Ds does know but is not letting on......

Are they literal children and crap with lies in general? If so, a cut off age story is probably the way to go. You don't want to crush them.

Maybe Santa could write a letter saying how he's loved coming, thanking them for the cookies etc but this is the last year as they are now too old and he has to focus on younger children.

That would have been a good idea! I WISH I'd done that! But now won't I be contradicting myself? Having spent so long telling them it's not true?

I have been trying to ease them out of this for a couple of years now. I think I posted about it last year. I just don't know how to get through to them.

I even left the big box of presents in the hallway (wrapped up) so they can see it filling up. I'm telling them it's me, I'm explaining that we tell little children this story, I'm comparing it to the fairy tales I read to them, I'm involving them in the choosing of the gifts, I even logged on to ebay to show my eldest what I'd got so far!

But they KEEP talking about santa. And I don't know why.

yes, S, I think I wanted that magic for myself I think that's why parents do it. It's our christmas present to see our little ones excited and thinking it's magic. When in reality, they'd probably be just as excited if they knew the gifts were coming from us, cos either way - big pile of presents

If they believe you were lying then they will know a letter is a lie and there is no problem. If they still believe it draws a nice line under it all. You could claim you wanted them to be prepared for it all ending.

Next year don't entertain any hint of Santa - reply to any questions/comments with "Yes, I will look at buying you X" etc.

It does not have to be a lie, it is our countries tradition. Will they understand that presents from Santa is a way for children to remember the birth of Jesus and for parents to give their children gifts in the name of st Nicholas as a rememberence to him. Maybe explaining different beliefs have their own traditions.

Hec, I see, that is sensible, quite a hard dilemma for you too :(

It is.

I am no further forward.

Just now, the postie arrived with a couple of parcels.

My eldest was there and he asked him "did santa post these"

My eldest is 5ft 6 and has a moustache!

The look the postman gave him almost made me cry. The biggest WTF look you've ever seen in your life.

I shut the door and said PLEEEEEASE, X, I keep telling you, Santa isn't real. It's ME.

I'm feeling desperate now. The way the postman looked at him broke my heart.

I am thinking the letter from Santa to say that he now has to look after younger children is a good one. You could add that it is now mums job to organise the presents in place of him.

It covers both angles then, they can still believe but from now on they know it is just you and not Santa doing the present stuff.

Go with the letter.

As an aside, have you thought of becoming a politician as you are clearly great at selling myths :)

I wish I had done the letter! I think it may have worked.

But what do I say now, if I do a letter, when he quizzes me on why he's got such a letter when I have spent so long telling him there's no santa and I buy the gifts and it was always me?

ha. Yes. vote for Hecate.

actually, you can!

I made the namechange shortlist. First time ever!

I am ridiculously chuffed.

I need to get out more...

You can say you wanted to let him down gently.

Although ""FFS! Its Me There is NO SANTA" wasn't very gentle