Anyone with a violent child? How do you cope?

[FrustratedSycamoreBonks]

DD (4) has ASD amongst other issues including S&L delay. Since being back at school after half term she has upped her violence towards me, she is refusing to do anything that I request, she won't walk, she won't get into her car seat, she won't sit down.

If she doesn't want to do something she drops to the floor, kicking at me, and scratching if I get close enough to pick her up, if I do get close to her she bites me and pulls my hair. Is getting close to the point where I can't physically carry her anymore.

I frankly can't cope with it anymore, I can't stand and wait for 2 hours for her to get up and walk where I want her, and the chances of her actually going where i want are pretty much not gonna happen slim.
I'm sick of wrestling with her in the carpark, pealing her fingers one by one of the car door that she is trying to wack into my head as I try to get her into the car.

I've tried ignoring her, praising her, prewarning her, bribing her, anything to get her to do what I want for just 2 minutes.

All I have to do is get her across the school playground and into the car. Why is it so frigging hard?

I would look into getting some advice from an ABA supervisor - and also reward good behaviour but give a consequence to violent behaviour: some toy she likes immediately taken away? ABA is a behavioural therapy and it sounds like she is definitely testing you with a lot of these behaviours. The good news is that you can nip them in the bud early, as ABA helped me do with my autistic boy. Good luck!

She's not so bad in the morning, but the environment is controlled, and the routene to get out of the house is always the same. I do however carry her in the morning because drop-off has to be at certain time and I have to go straight to work.
I do have more time after school. Which is why I attempt to walk her.

Yes she has a lot of sensory issues and we are waiting for an appointment for her to be assessed by OT and physio.
Nails are cut daily.

She possibly is thirsty or hungry. As she has a snack as soon as we get home. i hadnt actually thought of that. I will see if school can get her to eat or drink something before I get her.

I think I also might try using her pressure vest when i try to get her to walk to the car.

You have described dd age 3 to a tea she flops slaps bites scrams hair pulls but she also head bashes the floor if she can't get to me or pulls her ear till it bleeds or pokes her eye and yanks on her eyelid making it sore i take a large fleece everywhere to tightly wrap her in so she cannot hurt me or more importantly herself. I also find things easier when i have her britax b dual pram as she goes in the seat underneath my younger dds seat and is able to pull the hood down blocking outside stimuli and enabling her to participate in her self soothing behaviour (which is finger sucking ear stroking and foot rubbing)

Btw she sometimes calms herself if she is only mildly upset when she spots the blanket i only get it out when she behaves this way (which is anytime i am out of the house) i picked a blanket in her favorite material and colour and it is large enough to wrap her from her shoulders to her feet which stops feet and arms flapping out but be warned she got more upset at first when i tried this as it was not routine but now it stops her hurting anyone and calms her quicker.

Hi crawling how easy is the b-dual to get your dd in? I'm debating one of those or something with a buggyboard for her.

sickof I'm not sure we have ABA in our area.

She loves it and finds it very calming she usually jumps in but if not i force her which is not that hard as its very sturdy it is a inline tandem buggy.

here dd goes in the back seat its as she copes better it's a godsend.