How do you keep on going?

[yawningmonster]

I know that a lot of you have situations more difficult than ours and I don't want to diminish that in any way. I need strategies though for just living day by day as sometimes I look to the future and think I just can't keep doing this...I feel as though I have nothing left and that nothing will ever improve. I know that isn't real when I look back from where we have come but where do you get the energy from to keep on going?

Hi yawning. I have four dc. The answer is I pace myself. The house is never that tidy, the washing piles up but really it's not as important as the dc. I learned a very big lesson 12 years ago, when my twins were small and TDD was dangerously sick. Pick your battles. That doesn't just mean just dealing with behaviours it means making life easier for both of you so you don't burn out. Online food shopping, dishwasher, a tumble dryer. Anything that will help lessen the load. I have also parked my expectations and have learned to (mostly) relax.

I take everything one day at a time I also try remember things will improve and I do things around dd so if she is having a bad day i just do what i want another day. I also make appointments or try to get things done at 1-3 as dd is more cooperative.

Lastly I pick my battles and only fight on things really important.

Hi yawning I'm new here and your post struck a chord. I'm afraid I'm not familiar with your situation but I know how you're feeling, believe me I'm feeling exactly the same at the moment.

What support do you have in real life? Is there anything you can pinpoint that would make your life easier?

Sorry if that's crap advice, that's just what I've tried to do and it helps a tiny bit. Also spoil yourself. Eat nice food and don't feel guilty about a few glasses of wine every night.

I guess it varies. On day I am pulling my hair out and the next it's great.

I have also learnt to pick battles. Learnt that if u are still in your pjs at tea time because its a high anxiety day so what as long as DCs are ok.

Housework? Hmmm it's taken all day to do the bathroom and do meals. Ds is not leaving the sofa but he doesn't want me to either so today I did mainly telephone calls for appointments, taxing car etc sat on sofa lol. Having iPhone has been a bonus becaus I did my shopping online without leaving ds :)

Also learnt the resignation and recognition that "this is how it is" I am not going to wake up and his issues vanish so it's a case of doing what u can when I can.

Yes yes to picking battles!
And online shopping.
Tumble dryer
Dishwasher
Anything at makes life a bit easier.

GIN

Another vote for picking your battles, keep in mind the bigger picture, dd does not like sitting at the table to eat, I don't worry about it. I'd rather her eat than have a battle at this stage.
My cushions are covered in pasta sauce but hey, thats why I didn't buy expensive ones and why we still have leather sofas even though I'd love a nice chennile (sp!) one
My advice would be don't sweat the little things and yy to mymatemax

How to manage day by day do the essentials and try to do 1 extra job a day it makes me feel very sanctimonious ?spelling. Here speaketh mother of many.
AND remember yourself and forget the rest!

Knowing that everyone has their load to bear. It's all swings and roundabouts. You can always just only make the best out of what you have. It's not all bad there are some good things too. Accepting. I could go on.

Wow I've come through some heavy s**t lol.

Hope this helps

Rescue remedy during the day - wine at night
And more seriously - trying to get to yoga, but that isn't happening much at the moment.....

try not to compare yourself to other families? That helps..also realising that everyone however perfect has their own cross to bear

not listening to a lot of advice about how to improve situation it does your head in after a bit...trying to get through each day in a bog standard manner rather than a "if I did this, things would be better with school work... blah blah blah.." honestly sometimes if one did all the things people suggest you would explode

live life as if it is...I've just snuggled up to ds1 (ASD) had a long chat about outer space, and felt good that today he played with his one friend in an eclectic if amiable manner...

keep stroking everyone!!!

this is a bit of an incomplete list, but was the first few things that came into my head. Yawning I remember you from a very long time ago, it was before my son was even diagnosed, and I had just joined Mumsnet

tbh I was thinking about your post, and I think what gets me down is not ds2 himself, but

friendship issues (there is not that many people for him to play with and that is so sad)
school stuff...feeling he is not achieving his academic best due to various probs and I should be doing more to achieve lift off, but just feeling it is a life's struggle to do all that needs to be done.

But as I say, most of time I try not to think that way, and just enjoy what is good about our lives, and fit in just a little to change and improve things, without tipping us over into stress and confusion.

Inhuman pragmatism (possibly my one Aspie trait haha.) Think of the big picture, what can you do now to make your life easier in future (and therefore tick off a few of today's worries.) Looks like energy and organisation to the outside world but actually laziness is the motivation. Would rather spend my energies on the things I can change, than spend them stressing about the things I can't change (or assume I can't.)
Similarly, letting go of bad shit as it happens and moving on. Applies to anything from ds's tantrums to my own random clumsiness - am always finding bruises with no memory of how I did them.

Oh and St John's Wort whenever I've been through a really overwhelming time. It works quicker than antidepressants with none of the side effects and you can buy it in Sainsbos instead of faffing with prescriptions.

wow thanks everyone what a response.

day by day and hour by hour check
neglect the house check
try not to sweat the small stuff working on this
rescue remedy, wine and gin check