DS 'private' emails stumbled upon!

[KOKOagainandagain]

Was helping DS upload from his ipod and whilst waiting casually flipped through his emails as I noticed he had over 40 unread emails. Anyway, saw emails from his friend who is away at bs, was about to tell him when I saw that they had been read. DS was standing next to me. I then glimpsed the text which was all 'I really miss you, I love you sooooo much' with references to kissing. About a month ago I (sounding like a snoop here) came across a bunch of text messages, this time from a girl, which also was all 'I miss you sooo much, I love you' etc. Both the girl and the boy are NT. His sexuality in terms of gay/straight/bi is not an issue (and he is clearly rather popular with both sexes) but he is only 11 and is both socially and physically immature. DS knows I saw the emails. WWYD????

What is ds' reaction to you having seen them?

Is he in Primary or Secondary?

DS walked away and has not referred to them.

He has left primary but was not able to start secondary and is 'signed off'.

That's a hard one. I guess he's too immature for these to actually mean anything to him but are his friends also immature, typical 11 yos or rather more street wise? If you think any inappropriate experimentation is going on I'd be more concerned, but I'd be tempted to just say that kissing your friends might be something to leave until he's a bit lot older, without making a big deal of it. Do you think his friends may be leading him astray?

Maybe do nothing for the time being. If you don't make it into any kind of a deal, he might be able to open up to you later.

If it isn't mentioned, then you can always raise it in a few months. I'm guessing your concern is whether he needs help in managing his relationships?

And, at age 11, the whole of my primary class were snogging each other, by ways of experimentation, so I think it is fairly 'normal' if a bit yuck.

Thinking back, I can remember 'snogging' a boy when I was in Y6. I wasn't particularly impressed!

DS tries his hardest to 'pass for normal' and I can't be sure because I did not memorise the messages but I think the first email from his friend said 'I will definately kiss you' which makes me worry that DS is leading other children astray (and playing with their tender emotions) because it means so little to him.

I'd perhaps let him know that kissing is for when he's older and that emails discussing kissing are inappropriate. Apart from the kissing references, they seem quite innocent from what you've said?

Actually, come to think of it I remember snogging a boy in the sandpit when I was 5. He must get it from his mother

And I had several friends who in their teenage years had 'benefits' with all their friends - girls and boys.

But I did not even know that he made contact with friends - I'm so proud - my boy has better social skills than I thought!

I think it is just teenage stuff, complicated by SN, but you'll figure your way through this next stage.

And good luck!