Feeling down about school and the way they handle things

[HondaJizz]

Have posted here loads under a different name,,,DCSsunhill...and had lovely advice. Please would you help me stop worrying tonight? It's DS2s birthday and all I have done is stew over a conversation with DS1 teacher at pick up time.

Long story short. DS1 has ASD traits, loads of compulsive behaviours and sensory issues. Only dx is a sensory disorder. CAMHS have closed us despite me desperately wanting them to stay involved. OT put a plan into place at school at the end of last academic year which looked brilliant and had taken two years and a lot of chasing from me to evolve.

New teacher this year. Male. Quite old fashioned but all good so far. 37 in class. No issues raised at all til last week when teacher sent DS1 into DS2 classroom to work, as a punishment. When I asked him about this he said DS had been disruptive. He had not yet seen the OT plan and DS had got this far without any extra help, so all good really. I did tell him that i felt it not appropriate to send him to DS2 class as it is embarrassing for both children. DS1 tried really hard on Thurs and Fri and had two brilliant days.

So it's now Wed. Teacher came striding into playground and informed me about DS1s bad week in front of the other parents I was chatting with, who sidled away out of earshot. He also asked me about an elastic band that DS was pinging on his wrist and I told him that the Dr had encouraged him to do this whenever he felt compelled to begin his touching routines. Teacher shook his head and stated that elastic band twanging was self harm and Dr would not, and had no right, to ask him to do this. I was confused and simply stated that he had. Arranged a time to catch up after half term next week.

I am stewing over several things. One, that acquaintances of mine found out that my son is being disruptive. Two, that he planted an idea of self harm in my head, when after a quick google it clearly shows that twanging bands is often used in behaviour management, and three that my son is going down hill again.

On the up side, DS1 has been brilliant at home and brilliant with our child carer. He is always charm and angel personified when in the company of strangers. Things are much better.

Sorry for lengthy post. I am a worrier by nature, as is DS1, and I just want to clarify my feelings and put them to bed.

A girl in DSs class and her elder sister (at local high school) came and stood with us during the self harm conversation...he carried on talking so I pointedly looked at the children and asked if they were ok, so that teacher would answer their questions and move them away.

I don't want other people hearing my private business. I m now worried I will get told off for asking the girls if they were alright.

Please will someone tell me I can stop worrying about this little nugget?

Btw lone parent, DS1 9 DS2 7.

I think you should ask for an appointment and have a conversation with the teacher. I would write asking for an appointment, enclose copy of ot report and say you want to discuss how ds is settling in and any issues that have arisen. Keep it calm and business like. At the meeting explain you were embarrassed and would like the teacher to discuss ds with you in private. Raise possibility of home school book or ask teacher to arrange a mutually convenient time. Senco at dd school offered a short weekly meeting to go through any issues that had cropped up over the week. We didn't need that but it would have been a good idea if there were issues that needed to be discussed in private. I think talking to the teacher and highlighting your ds problems is a first step. Obviously you shouldn't need to do this but it may be all that is needed to get teacher on the right page. If things don't improve, write to head and senco asking for more help and raise concerns.

Oh thanks Cansu. Yes, I do think that a regular meeting would be more beneficial than walking on egg shells every day, waiting to see if he needs 'five minutes'.
Yes, you have sensibly said everything that was in my head.