Worried about upcoming meeting.

[converseconvert]

DS (nearly 4) has SN but has not yet been diagnosed. Just now we are mainly concentrating on his speech as he isn't yet talking. Withing the last couple of months he has started repeating words, saying thank you and using names. He has been at nursery since Easter and from Easter to Summer he had 10 hours enhanced provision but for this year will only have 5 hours enhanced provision. We have a education planning meeting next week and I've been led to believe but DS's nursery Teacher that it will be decided at the meeting which type of education will be best for DS and the choices are enhanced provisions at existing school or possible specialist school. As DS has not yet been diagnosed and has only started nursery I don't feel ready to make a decision. Also as he will be 4 in November he is due to start school next August but I really think he won't be ready. I was all set to go into meeting asking for a defered entry to school but exH has stated that exMIL who is a Primary Teacher thinks entry next year to fully enhanced education is best for DS.

'exMIL who is a Primary Teacher thinks entry next year to fully enhanced education is best for DS'

Did she say why?

I think she did explain to exH why but I've not managed to speak to her myself yet as to why she would think it is best course of action. ExH dropped it casually into conversation and stated at meeting he would not be backing up my suggestion of deferred year. I just don't think DS is anywhere near ready for Primary School.

Right, - well the system is TOUGH for any family with a SN child and you and his father need to pull together and have your rows outside professional meetings or else they will play on this to the detriment of your ds.

I wouldn't worry about requesting a deferrement yet anyway. There is plenty of time to do that. Instead, use this as a way of getting your ex on side. Tell him you still want to defer, but are willing to consider his reasons against but need them to be properly reasoned and well thought out reasons, with as much evidence base as he can find. If it makes it easier ask him to ask his DM to put those reasons in writing. Tell him that you value her advice to consider (whether you do or not), and that a document may well help your fight for your ds in due course.

I'll sit exH down before meeting and tell him want to work together for DS and don't want to rush into any decisions. Asking exH to get his DM to put her suggestions in writing is great idea as I do value her input just don't often agree with her.

I knew ds wasn't ready for school, (and I was a bit in denial about how problematic he was to be honest). In fact sending him to school was actually a good thing in the long run as it was a LOT more obvious what his problems were/ that he really wasn't as mature as other children once he went to school. He wasn't quite right in nursery, but it wasn't as noticeable in the nursery setting - if I had kept him back a year, it would just have delayed things further*. Also he went to private nursery as in our LEA there were very limited places attached to schools - and I now realise they had less clue than I did about his needs - while school had properly trained teachers, a senco and access to services like ed psych.
*not to say of course that it was easy to get support in school, but his difficulties were clearer in the school setting