looks as though this was our last respite ever!

[devientenigma]

DH is fed up of the battle to get DS there in the 1st place, then the worry of him while he's away and the aftermath, which goes on days, weeks and months depending on his stay. He feels it's no life and not for us, but I'm unsure?

Although my head is pounding and DS is a nightmare and trying to be one step ahead of him earlier caused me 2 near miss road collisions, I would get no break from this and do feel like I accomplish things when he's away, even if it is housework.

Thanks for the rant anyway.

I also think the way things are looking, as DD is missing out on what she has asked tonight, we should seperate and take turns with the kids.

I need out of this

oh devient (namechanged by the way) you sound very :( hope youre ok. is there ny closer help you can get for DS. Tbh im suprised me and dh are still together and told the pead that yesterday as the strain of not getting any help whatsoever is just too much now. Big hug for you xx

oh devient, I'm sorry to read this.

I don't face half as much as you do, with my dd1, but we can't use respite for much the same reason - the payback (for me, usually, as dd1 reserves most of her more unpleasant behaviours/characteristics for me) is not worth the actual break i get. and the aftermath of anxiety and upset is not nice for dd either.

I have also been throuh thinking it best if dh and I separate, as then I would get a true break, as would he, and I would know that dd1 was with someone who properly understoo her.

ultimately, we haven't separated, and things have eased for a bit. but that is down to luck as dd1's behaviours have eased a bit.

are you still having no luck with statement re-write?

I'm wondering what can be done to make this work better for you all....would it be more realistic if respite was at home with a carer soy ou could go out for the day or a weekend or overnight.
Then DS is in familiar surroundings and you can still get some relief from things

...what are the reasons for it not working well at the moment?

There has to be something which would work better if the current way isn't...you need this help....all of you do

Whatthewhat makes a good suggestion about respite at home that could be a great alternative as you could take dd out knowing ds is safe at home. Hope ur ok x

lol Moleskin, don't think I'm up to guessy games

still no luck with the statement silver and the next statement review which was due last week has now been moved to next month, as last years still isn't finalised.

If DS was stay in and us go out, we wouldn't be able to do DIY etc in the house, thats the main purpose for us needing him out. Plus we wouldn't have the money to do much so would end up in the car. The main reason SS wants him out is because he doesn't access school, clubs etc, so at least he does get something socially.

We do have a few carers for him, who cover meetings, school hols and Fri tea time. DD has been neglected by us and I do feel for her, however there are another 4 older DC and DGS who also don't get much of us. 2 of them also being SN and a DGD on the way.

It is hard and tbh I'm surprised we have survived it this long. The next option could be DH leaves his job? I really just don't know what to do. I do need the break or am I being selfish?

Thanks for the replies xx

You're not being selfish. You're trying to survive and you need this break to do that. As respite gets more regular, he will become more used to it. It isn't an option not to take it though; if it helps, think of it as benefitting him in the long-term as you being healthy and rested helps him. He may not feel the short-term gain, but you can feel better about it if you know that it's good long-term.

Could you you pay for DIY in the home? At least it would get done and home would improve.

Is it worth considering a residential school? It could help generally, not just in terms of reducing the number of transitions between respite and home, but in terms generally of helping with his socialisation and behaviour out of school hours and providing more structure for him.