Please or to access all these features

SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

I am so upset, school and statement related (ranty and long) :(

125 replies

moosemama · 14/10/2012 13:10

Backstory: Last year ds had truly amazing teachers, they 'got' him and went out of their way to make sure he felt happy and confident about his abilities and work.

In the infants maths used to be his absolute favourite subject, he has always been in the top set and got level 3 in the y2 SATs.

In y3 he essentially had a breakdown for the first half and was left to his own devices for the second half (spent the last half of the year reading in the corner). In y4 his teachers just couldn't get to grips with the fact that he can do the work, he just needs longer to process. As a result he completely lost confidence in his ability and stopped working. At the end of the year one teacher wanted to move him down a set - apparently to show him that he was better at maths than the pupils in the other group - Hmm. The other teacher, EP and inclusion teacher disagreed, as did I, saying that would just knock his confidence even more, as he was capable of doing the work - he just needed proper differentiation and reassurance of his abilities.

Last year his maths teacher was adamant that he was in the top set, on the second to top table purely on merit. She reiterated to me regularly throughout the year that he absolutely deserved his place in the class and she worked hard to differentiate and support him. By the end of the year he was doing really well and after all her encouragement and support, finally started to believe in his abilities again. At the end of the year she pushed for a meeting with the Head to insist that he be allowed the extra time for tests and assessments that the EP and OT had suggested. I got the distinct impression she had been pressurised not to do this during the year she taught him. Spoke to her right at the end of term and she said she'd had a meeting with the Head, SENCO and next year's teachers and it was agreed that he should get the extra time. In the meantime I made sure it was written into his statement.

This year he has two teachers who clearly don't believe he has AS. They are obstructive to say the least and have a big thing about 10 year olds being too coddled and needing to be more independent. They include ds in this, despite him clearly presenting as a much younger child in terms of emotional development and maturity.

His maths teacher has not been giving him the extra time for tests and assessments and as a result in less than one half term he is convinced once again that he is no good at maths. His confidence has plummeted and now he has started to make silly mistakes as a result. She has even kept him in at break to finish tests. Sad

We've been through this before with SENCO insisting extra time is only for official tests/assessments and failing to grasp that if they don't allow him the extra time in class as standard he becomes despondent, loses confidence and gives up - resulting in lower grades. He is entitled to the extra time based on the results of his WISC IV and this is clearly stated in the EP report and now also in his statement.

He brought home a test the week before last that was marked in red pen. He had completed 16 out of 22 questions and got 15 correct (the one he got wrong was a silly slip of the pencil type mistake). The teacher had put a big red cross next to every one he hadn't completed, plus obviously the one he got wrong. She then wrote a big red 7 on the bottom of the page. So not only did she not give him enough time to complete the test, instead of encouraging him by marking the ones he got right, she chose to highlight the ones he hadn't completed and mark them as wrong and instead of a mark for the ones he got right at the bottom, she had emphasised the ones he hadn't completed/got right. As a result he was really upset and told me he is rubbish at maths etc - so we are right back to square one, where we were in y4, effectively wiping out a whole year of hard work by last year's teachers.

I had just had a meeting with the SENCO about how they intend to implement his statement, but was not at all happy with their plans and my concerns were borne out within a week - so I added this to my list of issued with the school so far this term (which is now 8 pages long) as I plan to ask for a meeting to address them.

He has just come and told me that last Tuesday his maths teacher told him that she is going to discuss with his class teacher him moving down a group in maths. Angry She said she would speak to his CT about it for her to discuss with us at parent's evening. Angry He is obviously devastated and now sitting sobbing over his maths homework - which is something he could have done easily last year, but now can't do for panic. Sad

Not only are the school not implementing his statement properly in a myriad of ways, by failing to do so they have totally undermined all the good work put in by last year's teachers. Ffs, if the maths teacher had given him the extra time as required, he wouldn't have lost confidence and wouldn't be in the situation he's in now Angry

I have only spoken to his CT twice this year and both times she ended up ranting at me about how ridiculous his statement and extra support is. We get ten minutes at parent's evening, sat elbow to elbow with other parents. I don't want to discuss it at parent's evening, but dh says he does - loudly if necessary.

I want to arrange a meeting to go through the 8 pages of problems we've had so far this year and how badly ds is affected as a result. To find out why the teachers have such a shitty attitude to SEN and what makes them think they are better qualified than a team of over 9 professionals to know what my son's needs are and therefore over-rule a hard won statement.

The problem is that dh has just started a new job and can't come to daytime meetings anymore.

I am all shades of angry about this, sitting here shaking with anger at how upset my ds is because of their incompetence and refusal to give him the support he needs, as set down in his statement.

I feel sick and just want to cry. I have fought so bloody hard and after winning the statement content he needs (with one or two exceptions) he is worse off than he was without one. Sad I can't believe they told him they were going to move him down a group without speaking to me, or at the very least his inclusion teacher first. Poor child has been bottling this up all week without saying a word. I bloody knew something was up because he has started flapping and tic-ing again and is generally a real state as soon as he gets in from school every day.

I spoke to the TA who helps him get organised for the day on Thursday and she insisted that he is doing really well, settled in fine and had no problems. I told her what a state he's been in at home and said it's because he's having to hold himself together at school and she said 'well he's doing a great job at it then'.

I know the school are going to put the blockades up and I have a huge fight on my hands about the useless way the have implemented some of the statement had have clearly completely ignored others. I can't even go to the LEA about it as the Statementing Officer seems to be best buddies with the SENCO and just says it's my problem because I don't have enough trust in the school, so it's for me to sort out with them. Angry

It's not even as if I care about his bloody results fgs, I just want him to be happy and confident and he is the polar opposite of that right now thanks to their spectacular mishandling of him.

A whole year of excellent teaching and support wiped out in 3 weeks (he was on a residential for one week and off sick for another). That has to be an all time record. Angry

Can someone with some perspective please tell me what to do? I feel like no matter what I do nothing will change and ds is going to slide further and further backwards as the year goes on.

OP posts:
alison222 · 23/10/2012 14:04

Take care of yourself. I hope that you start to feel better soon.

moosemama · 23/10/2012 18:59

Thank you everyone for your kind wishes.

Unfortunately I'm not really any better, so will have to be triaged at the GP's first thing tomorrow.

The worst thing is that dh is now going to have to go to the meeting without me. There's just no way I will be well enough. I am hoping to go through it all with him tonight, but not sure if I'm compos mentis enough to be sure we've covered everything properly.

I am being well looked after. Mum is doing the school runs and having dd in the morning so I can rest and dh is being a star. I'm basically just curled up drifting in and out of sleep, so no use to anyone at the moment.

OP posts:
coff33pot · 23/10/2012 23:24

Sorry to read you are no better today.

Your DH will be fine. He is on a mission and sometimes the men are better left to it Grin Give him his list of bullet points and let him get to it!

Hope all goes well at the GPs x

Penneyanne · 24/10/2012 00:03

Dont mean to hijack the thread,but how is your dd doing coff33pot?

coff33pot · 24/10/2012 00:17

She is doing ok thank you 40 days of no coke, and we are waiting for her to be admitted soon. She has been accepted and assessed so its just a question of the funding saying yes. There is a womens bed vacant and its hers so far also 3 other persons with eating disorders are also there so we were privately told. Just a matter of lining up the outside help going in around the eating support.

Thanks for asking :)

coff33pot · 24/10/2012 15:15

How did you get on at the GPs Moosemama?

Hope all is well x

Penneyanne · 24/10/2012 18:48

That is indeed good news coff33pot [hsmile].I am glad things are finally happening-its taken bloody long enough for the poor gir[hangry].

Sarraburd · 24/10/2012 19:22

Just read thread - so sorry to hear this Moose - cant believe how shockingly despicable the school are being - his needs sound entirely meetable, reasonable, and why on earth can't they at least try and how can they in all conscience justify being so cruel to a vulnerable child? Am furious for you and very sad that you are having to go through this.

Afraid I have no useful advice as too new to this, only just starting out on this road myself, but really hope your DH meeting put the fear into them and will start getting things back on track for your poor DS.

treedelivery · 24/10/2012 20:10

How did you get on?

coff33pot · 25/10/2012 12:33

Hoping you are ok moosemama xx

coff33pot · 26/10/2012 12:15

Thinking of you and hoping all is well Moosemama xx

NoHaudinMaWheest · 26/10/2012 12:16

Hi Moose. How are you and yours?

moosemama · 26/10/2012 12:44

Oh thank you all for your kind thoughts and wishes. Thanks

Sorry I have been awol. Been very poorly I'm afraid. Didn't make it to the GP the first time, as I was just too weak to get there and couldn't face it.

Went yesterday, after my first course of antibiotics finished with no improvement at all and the doctor took one look at me in the doorway, looked panicked and almost sent me to hospital on the spot. Fortunately, after a full assessment, discovering my blood pressure had come back to normal (was in the emergency levels at A&E apparently) and my pulse was good and steady, he decided it wasn't an emergency and prescribed a different set of humdinging antibiotics instead, on the proviso that if I was no better within 24 hours I would go straight to A&E. He's sent a sample for culturing and I had to go and have bloods done as well.

Fortunately the new antibiotics seem to be starting to work and I am feeling a little better today, so hopefully will avoid hospital.

I have to go back next week to follow up and to organise further assessments to find out what caused this to happen in the first place.

As the second lot of antibiotics have started to work, that is a little reassuring, because it means there was definitely an infection, but he's not happy at all with the way I presented at the appointment and both he and the A&E doc said it wasn't a typical presentation and clinically confusing, so warrants further investigation.

Hopefully it will just turn out to have been a particularly nasty infection and that will be that.

Mum and dh have been amazing, tag-teaming to take care of the dcs and Mum doing all the school runs. I have mostly been out of it and drifting in and out of sleep. Today is the first time I've felt like sitting up, let alone thinking or speaking.

... and on the upside ... I've lost a stack of weight! Grin

Dh went to the meeting alone, obviously. It took two hours! Shock He went through absolutely everything point by point and as far I can tell, took no prisoners. There were a few gasps and moments where the Head went either white or red and stuttered that those things should never have happened and he would be dealing with the teachers concerned (maths test, SATs results etc). The SENCO tried to do to dh what she does with me and just talked at him endlessly, but dh said he got bored of listening to her drone on and make endless excuses, so started addressing his questions specifically to the Head. There are obviously some thing that they aren't going to move on, but we have the Head's reassurances about extra time, both in class and SATs and use of ICT.

They tried to tell us that they didn't finish opening the summer holidays post until the end of the second week of term and that's why the teacher hadn't seen the statement! They later admitted that they had sat down and gone through the statement thoroughly with both teachers last week - so obviously it hadn't been done before, hence no differentiation and a complete lack of understanding.

He is still going to move down a set in maths, but to be honest, I think that would be better for him in the long run, purely because it gets him away from that evil teacher. Tracing it back, she has been trying to undermine his confidence and make him think he's not up to it since the start of term. They admitted in the meeting that in actual fact ds is more than capable of the work, but tried to tell us that the teacher couldn't differentiate for his needs because there are too many children in the group. Angry Dh challenged them and said that, in that case, ds is being moved down to meet their needs, rather than his and fortunately I had supplied him with a sheet of highlighted SENCOP, Education Act and IPSEA quotes, which backed this up nicely.

We are going to handle telling him that he's moving down ourselves across the holiday. He is going to take it hard, but that woman is never going to change her attitude. It irks somewhat, as effectively she is getting what she wanted, but dh got the impression she's in for a bit of a backside kicking from the Head and I think it would be seriously detrimental to ds1's long term mental health to stay in her group, as opposed to dealing with and hopefully getting over moving down and then starting to achieve at his old high standards in a nicer set. The set down is split three times a week and the lower performing pupils taken for extra support, leaving only 7 children in the middle group. Ds1 would be at the top, actually well above the others, but being in that group would mean a slower pace and greater 1:1 attention from the teacher.

Funny moment at the end when dh asked for confirmation of what had been agreed in writing and was told it would be two weeks after half term. He then said, that in that case would the Head mind photocopying his own notes and giving dh a copy! Grin Cue much spluttering and waffling and an assurance we will have the actions in writing sooner. Wink

OP posts:
NoHaudinMaWheest · 26/10/2012 12:56

Gosh Moose sorry you have had such a bad time. Hope the new antibiotics hit it on the head.

Your DH sounds like a star and a tank combined. Hope Ds will adjust to the new group. As you say there is no point in persevering with a teacher who is determined that she knows best.

coff33pot · 26/10/2012 13:05

Oh I am glad you posted was getting slightly worried :)

Although not a recommended way to diet congrats on the weight loss Grin

You DH sounds a star and I am laughing at the photocopying of the heads notes!

I hope ds doesn't take the move too hard but I do agree it would keep him away from the unmoving teacher xx

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 26/10/2012 14:08

Hey, weight loss, every cloud, moose! Glad you are finally feeling a bit better, but I hope they can get to the bottom of it. Don't forget that you need to save some of your fight for yourself.

Go moosepapa! I'm impressed. The photocopy of the HT's note would have made very interesting reading. I think you are right to get your DS away from the poisonous maths teacher. If he ends up at the top of a group of 7 working on pretty much the same stuff but at a slower pace, with a nicer teacher, then that would be the best outcome, IMO.

My school splits the maths groups. We had an extension set, a core set and 7 in an SEN group last year in Y6. The ext set all got 5s bar one child, but 6 in the core set also got 5s, some of them with really high marks. Those 6 were mostly good mathematicians who had more difficulty with their literacy and one was severely dyslexic. (So proud of him!) They thrived at the top of the lower set. It did their confidence the power of good. I hope you can sell it to your DS.

About 8 of the DC had been moved down to the core set in the September. One DC who was moved down did find it a bit insulting and made it rather obvious that he felt he was better than the other DC, it didn't make him very popular, so be wary how you sell the move to your DS.

thewhistler · 27/10/2012 00:43

Well done to the mooses all round. Did your DH take notes too?

Hope you feel lots better soon but don't forget antibiotics often have a depressing effect, so cherish yourself.

sazale · 28/10/2012 14:35

Ah bless ya Moose, I'd been wondering how you'd been.

I'm about to tackle DD's special school about delivering the provision in the statement as after parents evening last week it was apparent that none of the teachers are aware of DD's difficulties and when I talked about how she's unable to recognise emotions to her form teacher she suggested joining the ASD emotional literacy group! It's a requirement of her statement ffs! The English teacher won't listen when I tell him that expecting her to write an essay on how a character in a period drama was feeling and why and back it up with quotes is causing her loads of anxiety as she doesn't understand emotions was like pissing in the wind! I even had to tell them that expecting her to listen to audio books and take notes is also a no no as she has auditory processing difficulties, sequencing difficulties and poor auditory only memory! That's in her statement as well! Sigh!

Her form teacher said that she has to remind herself that dd is there for a reason as compared to some of the other kids they have it's easy to forget! She's been there 3 weeks and we have her CAF/transition review on the 6th so I'm going to pin them down about when the provision in statement is goung to be imp,emented. They originally said no to dd but the LA named them. It is better than mainstream but she's still not supported properly.

cansu · 28/10/2012 16:01

Hi have you thought about using a NEO for your ds. They are much cheaper than laptops, don't have internet or spell checkers etc and are lightweight and easy to use. Some of the children where I work have found them very useful.

moosemama · 28/10/2012 16:57

thewhistler Thanks Yep, dh took copious notes.

sazale Sorry to hear your dd is still not getting the support she needs. Why does it always have to be such a battle? Sad

cansu He used to use a Neo in year 4, but he hated having to put his work onto a computer to edit and format it, so it became yet another battle. His teacher last year was very anti and felt the Neo held him back.

Well, I've been none too well again, although not as bad as earlier in the week - and - ds came and announced that he's decided he doesn't think it's a good idea to move down a group, because he's realised that his maths and indoor pe lessons are linked on the timetable, which means, not only will he not be with his best friend for maths every day, he will also be with a completely different group of kids for PE. It means he won't be with his best friend at all on a Thursday morning, his friend is then busy at lunch, so he won't see him for most of the day and that's just too awful for him to contemplate. He was just about willing to accept not seeing him in maths, but this is too much.

Of course we had to try and gently explain that the decision had been made, cue mother of all meltdowns. He got himself into a terrible state. Can't believe they didn't tell us about the PE/Maths link and can't help thinking it was calculated.

In the end we had to give him a book to read and tell him to go and calm down and we'd discuss it another time - he sobbed all night. Sad

I have no clue how we're going to get past this - there's just too many negatives connected to moving down for him. We've tried the route of getting him away from the horrible teacher, there will be less pupils in the group, less pressure, he will be more likely to get a better grade in the other group, he'll be the very top of that group etc etc, he just won't budge, is absolutely devastated and won't even contemplate doing it.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
TheLightPassenger · 28/10/2012 18:00

oh no, so all this has implications outside of maths Sad. you are poorly, can you get dh on the case first thing tomorrow, by phone or e-mail to see if the PE etc stuff can be worked around?

moosemama · 28/10/2012 18:40

It's half term here TLP, no chance of sorting anything and he has to go into the new group as of the first Monday back - I really don't fancy their chances of getting him there without a huge fight.

OP posts:
badgerparade · 28/10/2012 19:10

I am of the view that as school caused the problem they can sort out the repercussions from their actions.
You can only do so much Moose, you're not well - let them have to cope with it all. Perhaps they'll think twice next time they want to make changes if they see what effect it has on your ds.

mariammma · 28/10/2012 21:02

Yep, the badgerstrategy has a lot to recommend it

moosemama · 30/10/2012 21:04

Thanks for the advice folks.

No progress here, in fact ds1 is getting worse and worse by the day. Doesn't help that it's half term and we're all stuck at home with me still lying on the sofa all day. Dh is preparing packed lunches for them in the morning and has made sure there are plenty of drinks and snacks in, so they're fed and supervised, but of course ds1 is completely unable to entertain himself and really picking on ds2 for not wanting to play pokemon cards, top trumps or lego board games with him ad-infinitum.

He's on a hair trigger and poor dd is also catching the brunt of it. I've had to isolate him twice today as things spiralled out of control. He absolutely hates being alone, but I really have no choice when he gets like that, as it's the only thing that snaps him out of it.

He kicked hell out of ds2 last night at bedtime - supposedly playfully, but left ds2 screaming and sobbing. Then when he realised what he'd done he went into one of the worst meltdowns he's had in a long time rocking, holding his head and screaming "I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it" over and over and over again. Dh dealt with it, but it was really hard to bring him out of it.

Ds2 went to a birthday party yesterday afternoon. Fortunately the lovely hosts offered to take him and bring him home afterwards. Ds1 was furious because it was a lazer quest party and he has never been invited to one, yet ds2 has been two three and missed another two he was invited to at different times but was too poorly to attend.

Ds1 spent the entire afternoon raging about how unfair it was, then went into a deep depression as he realised that he doesn't get invited to parties like ds2 does (he's only ever been invited to his best friend's since the whole-class parties stopped in early infants). I tried to explain that large parties tail off as you get older and because he is older than ds2 he is bound to be invited less often, but he's really starting to recognise how his AS is limiting him these days and is very angry and upset about it. He has been coming to me all week relating social situations from school that have gone wrong for reasons he can't understand and he's asking more and more questions about how having AS can cause those sorts of problems. But then he won't accept that he has any social communication problems and says he thinks he's fine, so we go around in circles. Sad

I asked him if his TA had been helping him learn about emotions and social situations in the mornings and he said no, they have been doing puzzles. From what he said, they sound suspiciously like non-verbal reasoning puzzles to me - he said he had to work out from pictures which skyscraper would be more likely order more sandwiches for lunch and which factories would be most likely to make which product etc. The thing is, the TA isn't letting him get them wrong. Apparently, if he gets them wrong she tells him and prompts him to pick the right answer before she marks it right. Hmm I smell a rat. Why are they doing non-verbal reasoning with him. His dx report clearly states that his non-verbal reasoning skills are extremely poor to the extent that up until he did the ADOS they were considering Non-Verbal Learning Disorder as his dx. This isn't something that can be improved with daily practice, it's a fundamental part of his disability ffs. It isn't even included in the statement, as he needs to be working on social/communication skills and emotional literacy, both of which are specifically included and which can be improved with practise and support. Hmm Angry

Anyone else think that's odd? Or have I finally lost the plot and become totally paranoid?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page